Futurama

Fan Fiction

Matters of Life And Death part 4 - What's Wong With Me?
By Dwayne Anderson

Warning - The situations portrayed in this story are based on real deaths and are extremely graphic.


It's a fact of life: give a girl a hot body, a beautiful face, a slender figure, and big boobs, she's going to attract a lot of attention from the opposite sex. And if she's promiscuous...well, you get the idea.

Amy Wong is a former intern at Planet Express who recently graduated from Mars University, and now has her doctorate. Still, she's not as smart as the professor or Hermes. But her one specialty is her ability to attract attention from guys. She's made love with so many guys, it's enough to make a nymphomaniac jealous.

In the future, Mars has been colonized. Amy grew up on the farm her parents owned and managed. Typical of the stereotypical farmer's daughter, she's sweet and smoking hot. Considering her promiscuous lifestyle, it's amazing and surprising that she has yet to give her parents grandchildren.

However, since settling down with DOOP lieutenant Kif Kroker, Amy's promiscuous lifestyle has been a little cool. Still, every once in a while, some other guy gets lucky.

Have you figured out how Amy will lose her life in this story? You have at least one clue...


Whenever she gets off from work, Amy likes to stop by her favorite coffee shop for a drink. On this occasion, while she's sipping her drink, a handsome guy comes to her table.

"Amy Wong? Is that really you?" he asks.

Amy looks up at him. "Joe?" She smiles, recognizing an old schoolmate. "I haven't seen you since high school! How long has it been? Ten years?"

Joe sits down at the table, gets a coffee. The two schoolmates have a little reunion with just the two of them. Both have a lot to catch up on. After high school, Joe has been working and living in another city. Amy also learns that he got involved with drug use, but quickly kicked the habit.

"A lot has happened since the last time I saw you," said Joe. "We have so much to catch up on!" His eyes twinkling with fond memories. "There is so much to talk about. Perhaps we could further discuss it over dinner?"

"Joe, I'm really flattered, but, you see...the thing is...I already have a steady boyfriend."

Joe doesn't flinch at all with disappointment. "Well, yes of course," he says. "I didn't mean to imply anything. It's just that..."

He struggles to speak. Part of him doesn't want to upset Amy.

"As long as we're being honest...I too have a confession to make."

He sighs and looks straight into Amy's. "I'm dying."

Amy is horrified at what she hears. "What? Oh Joe, that's terrible!"

"It's cancer. The doctor says I only have two weeks left to live. My only regret in life is that I never got to be with a woman and experience the joy of romance."

Normally, most women would be suspicious. Many times a man has played upon a woman's sympathies just to take advantage of her. Amy of course has a soft spot for guys crying out for sympathy. That's one reason she was attracted to Kif.


Amy takes Joe back to her apartment that night. With Kif away on leave with DOOP, the two can have some privacy. Although Amy is twinged with guilt over cheating on Kif, it's just a one night stand. Besides, what Kif doesn't know can't hurt him.

It starts off with wine. After the drinks come necking, which evolves into kissing and petting. Soon, both are moaning in pleasure under the bedsheets.

Nothing like a little affair to spark up a sex life, right Amy?

When they are done, Joe puts his clothes back on. "Thank you Amy for this pleasure. Now I can die fulfilled. Even if I die tomorrow, I don't care!"

Amy doesn't realize it, but when she and Joe exchanged bodily fluids, she signed her own death warrant. How? Read on and find out.


Ironically, Joe does die the following day, the victim of a mugging. Amy hears about this in the paper. She's deeply sad about the death of her friend, but she's also feeling guilty about being unfaithful to Kif.

As the days pass, Amy begins to feel a little under the weather. Even despite the fact that it is spring and the last of the winter snow has just recently melted, Amy finds herself shivering while her forehead feels warm. She starts coughing and develops a sore throat and stuffed nose.

"I think I have a fever!" she says to her co-workers.

Zoidberg takes her temperature. Normal body temperature is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit. Amy's body temperature is at 100 degrees.

"Go home and get some rest," said Hermes. "Do not bother coming back until you are well."

Don't worry. She won't.


By the end of one week after developing symptoms of a fever, Amy is feeling no better. In fact, her condition has only worsened. Normally, a fever goes away after a few days.

What exactly is causing Amy's deteriorating health? Have you figured it out yet? No? Well time for an explanation.

Joe was telling the truth when he said he had once taken drugs. But one day, he made the biggest mistake a drug user can use: he shared a needle. Sharing needles is very dangerous because the needle can get infected with bacteria and disease from the person who used it and injected it into their bloodstream. The person Joe shared a needle with was a carrier of the deadly AIDS virus. The person he shared with didn't know this and unknowingly infected Joe with AIDS. Later, when Joe had sex with Amy, he unknowingly passed the virus into her.

AIDS is also known as Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome because it attacks the immune system, weakening the body's ability to fight disease. People infected with AIDS become sick easily and stay sick for longer. People don't die from AIDS, they die from the infections and diseases that invade their bodies that the weakened immune system can't fight.

The body produces white blood cells to fight disease and kill germs. A person infected with AIDS will find themselves totally vulnerable to any sickness.

Joe was already infected with an advanced case of AIDS. So when he passed on his sperm into Amy during intercourse, the virus entered her bloodstream and infected her whole body. Once infected, Amy's immune system was gradually weakened.

Even in the future, there is still no cure for this epidemic.


Two weeks after having sex with Joe, Amy's is sitting on the edge of her bed, clad only in her underwear, painting her toenails, Her bodacious body is fighting a losing battle where there is no hope of victory.

Suddenly, Amy stops cold. She drops her nail brush, falls forward to the floor and lies still.

For Amy's hot body, the long siege is finally over. The price of defeat? Death.

Amy's fever had raised her internal body temperature to 107 degrees up to a point that cannot sustain life. Blood cells carrying oxygen, minerals, and proteins were destroyed and her vital organs shut down.

There's a lesson to be learned from Amy's death. Girls, always make sure you get to know a guy well before you have sex. Don't lead a promiscuous lifestyle. But most of all, always wear the proper protection whatever your gender whenever you make love.

Hey, that's why it's called safe sex!

To Be Continued

Buddies