Fan Fiction

Matters of Life and Death, part 22 - April Fool
By Dwayne Anderson

Warning - The situations portrayed in this story are based on real deaths and are extremely graphic.

The New New York City paramedics walk outside of Planet Express, carrying a stretcher covered by a white sheet cloth. But the sheet by now is stained red with blood. Underneath is what's left of one of the crew members. The police are also on the scene, investigating what they think is a murder, but in the end, the death is ruled as the result of an April Fools Day prank gone horribly wrong.

What exactly happened? Let's go back in time shall we?

It all begins when Leela opens the refridgerator, pours milk into a glass, and drinks...only to suddenly spew it out.

"Yuck! The milk went bad!" she says wiping her mouth.

Laughter behind her is heard. She recognizes it as Fry. "April Fools!" he shouts at her, pointing his finger. He laughs some more.

It's April 1st, commonly known among Earthlings as April Fools Day. It's the time of year when people play practical jokes amongst each other for fun.

Fry has been pulling pranks on his co-workers one at a time. He started by replacing Farnsworth's false teeth with mechanical clattering ones. Imagine Farnsworth's surprise when he put them in his mouth and when he started talking.

Next, Fry poked holes in each of Bender's beer cans, emptying them down the sink before putting them back into the refridgerator. Bender received quite a shock when he tried to take a drink.

Fry then replaced Amy's suntan oil with cooking oil. Let's just say Amy suffers a severe case of sunburn as a result. Now anyone who comes into Planet Express might mistake her for Labarbara.

But it's not until he unplugs the refridgerator and causes the milk to go bad that Leela decides "Enough with enough!"

Leela gets together the rest of the crew (minus Fry of course). Bender is surly because his beer cans were empty. "He poured my alcohol down the drain!"

"He gave me a sunburn!" Amy cries. "Ow!" She winces.

"He gave me an exploding pen!" said Zoidberg, who is covered in ink.

"Whatever," the others say. Obviously, no one cares. Zoidberg groans and runs from the room crying.

Farnsworth has to take the clattering teeth out of his mouth in order to speak. "He replaced my false teeth with these.

The others chuckles.

"Well, you have to admit it was kind of funny," said Hermes. "Right Labarbara?"

"I'm Amy!" Amy yells at him. "And it's all Fry's fault my complexion is ruined! Ow!"

"And now he unplugged the fridge and the milk went bad! Now he's gone too far!" said Leela.

Together, Leela and the others formulate a plan to get even with Fry. But even you and I know it won't end well. After all, revenge does have a way of stabbing people in the back. Not that way!

At lunchtime, the crew orders out for submarine sandwiches. When the food comes, Leela asks Farnsworth, "is it ready?"

"Here it is!" said Farnsworth holding up a small plastic capsule containing a brown powder inside. "I believe I may have concocted the mother of all laxatives!"

"Perfect!" said Leela.

When the food is served, Leela slips the pill into Fry's sandwich between two layers of corned beef and lettuce. As Fry chows down, the others are barely able to control smiles from spreading over their faces.

"What's so funny?" he asks, noticing his co-workers glee.

"Oh, nothing!" said Leela. She starts to chuckle.

Fry decides to shrug it off as he finishes his sandwich.

"How long does it take before it begins to take effect?" whispers Leela.

"Only about a few minutes," Farnsworths says.

Fry rises from the table, taking his empty plate with him. At first nothing happens, but then...

"oh man!" Fry clutches his stomach with a groan, dropping his empty plate onto the floor where it shatters upon the floor.

"Oh man!"

The others start to grin as their revenge begins.

"Oh man!" Fry drops to his knees and rubs his stomach with both hands. It seems that he is suffering the mother of all stomachaches. Not quite the expected effect Farnsworth and the others were hoping for. But that's nothing compared to what happens next.

What happens next is something even the crew wasn't prepared for. They wanted to get even with Fry, but not in this way. Remember what I said about how revenge has a way of stabbing people in the back? Not literally. But let's just say things didn't go exactly as they had hoped.

"Oh man!"

Fry's stomach begins to bulge and expand like a balloon.

"Oh man! Oh...oh no! Oh man!"

His stomach grows bigger and bigger and bigger just like Violet Bearuguarde in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Within a minute after the pill took effect, his stomach is bulging out like an obese couch potato.

"Oh my god!" he exclaims.

And then, without warning, it happens. Fry's stomach explodes, showering the surrounding area in front of him with several of his internal organs including his intestines and painting the floor and nearby wall with blood.

The others scream in horror.

"Fry!" Leela screams as he collapses. Everyone rushes to his side, but it's quite obvious that Fry is dead.

It turns out that laxative Farnsworth concocted was actually a completely different substance. While there are drugs that can relieve bloating and gas pressure, this drug actually had the opposite effect. Once the capsule made contact with the digestive acids in Fry's stomach and dissolved, the combination of stomach juice released a powerful chemical reaction, releasing massive amounts of gas which caused Fry's stomach to expand like a balloon. Once the pressure became too much, Fry's stomach burst in a lateral explosion in the matter of the first phase in the 1980 eruption of Mt. St. Helens. Massive blood loss and evisceration ends all life in Fry as we know it.

It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. And then it's hilarious! But in the end, Fry wasn't laughing.

He was dead!

To Be Continued