A Visit from Das Bender
Twas Weihnacht in Deutschland, and all through Bayren,
All souls were frightened, from Krampuses to children.
The doors were all bolted, the shutters locked tight,
In fear that Das Bender would visit tonight.
Kinderlein shuddered under covers in beds,
While fear of disembowelment ran through their heads.
Muti and I, settled in for the night
Xmas eve lovings canceled from fright.
When suddenly out in the town's main square,
A noise so unholy, I just had to look there.
Opening the shutters, and peeking outside,
I grabbed my revolver and shot his grey hide.
An ungodly howl filled the town square,
As he turned to my window and pointed and glared.
'YOOOOOOOU!!!!!' Das Bender stomped over as he rubbed his shot ass,
'Your home is FIRST now!' then he kicked in the glass.
We heard the window shatter into the foyer below,
Then his foot cups danced in like a demonic tap show.
'I KNOW you're in here!' he yelled as he stomped up the stairs,
'YOUR ass is MINE now! But first, it's your HEIRS!!!'
Then I heard my little ones scream out in fear,
As he ripped off their covers- 'DAS BENDER IS HERE!'
'First, for Ingrid, a girl nice and plump...
A SWITCH! To blister your fat little rump!'
'Johannes!' he grinned, as he held up a gun,
'I LIKE you! No go have some fun!
Your mother warned you about me last year?
If you take after ME, you'll have NOTHING to fear!'
Sending my son out on the town all alone,
He turned to our room with a demonic moan.
'Ooooooooh, yer in for it now, after shooting my ass,
I'm getting my revenge with something perverted and crass!'
He kicked in the door as I had just raised my gun,
But he grabbed it and bent it. 'Now look it here, chum.
You injured my ass, and I think that it's fair
That my revenge involves YOURS.' he smirked with a glare.
He extinguished his cigar on my bottom right cheek
and lifted Muti's nightie for a quick dirty peek.
Having stripped us and tied us with extra thick twine
He then took some photos, and posted on-line.
Grabbing some bratwurst that he had kept stowed,
He then shoved them in me- in my mouth and 'below'.
'Now that we're done here,' he giggled and leered,
'I've a date with a floozy who happens to be near!'
Jumping out of the window to the cobbles below,
he ran up the street with the Christkind in tow.
Then we all heard him bellow as he ran out of sight-
'I HATE YOU ALL! HAVE A FRACKIN' BAD NIGHT!'