Nibbler's Xmas Bedtime Story
SCENE- Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium. Warden Vogel had finally received a much needed day off after requesting one... Twenty five years ago. Having no one to replace him, he asks Leela and Fry to cover his time off on the worst possible night of the year... Xmas Eve. Having no other life threatening jobs that day, Leela and Fry (Leela, really) accept, and bring Nibbler in tow...
Bedtime- the bedroom is total chaos- the children refuse to go to bed- some in fear of Robot Santa, but most in excitement of the possibility of Bender Claus bringing Tri-Ominos and much needed brewery equipment.
LEELA: Children, please! And Fry, your jumping up and down on the bed demanding a bedtime story isn't helping!
FRY: (dejected) But it's traditional! Like goose burgers! Common, Leela? Please?
LEELA: FRY! For the LAST time! Stop it please! We have to get the children to go to sleep! And, OH LORD! Didn't I tell you to fix that button on the flap to your footie pajamas?
FRY:(scratching his ass, then covering it) Oops, sorry, Leela! But, really, can we have a bedtime story? An Xmas one?
The children all start squealing in excitement over the prospect of an Xmas bedtime story.
NIBBLER: Leela, I think I may be of service here. I have an appropriate story for the children for their bedtime.
LEELA: (looking at Fry, who is now weaseling between the children beneath sheets and blankets, excitedly awaiting Nibbler's story.) Just remember- they need to SLEEP, and no blanking their memories.... well, not too much! Just get them to sleep!
Leela leaves exasperated, abandoning Nibbler to Fry and the children. The children all hush as Nibbler clears his throat...
NIBBLER: It was the Eve of Xmas, and in the entire dwelling, nary a carbon based- or otherwise- life form was in movement- even the smallest rodent was uber-sedentary.
The crude facsimile of coverings for one's walking appendages were draped on hooks nailed into the ancient heating unit, hoping that the Elderly Gift Giver would place items into them.
The non adult beings were secure in their sleeping units, while they dreamt of sweet meats.
The adult female and I- wearing our head coverings, had started to prep ourselves for REM sleep.
Suddenly, there was a resounding noise outside of the dwelling and I was compelled to investigate.
Hopping out from under the covers, I proceeded to the window- moving the storm coverings to their open position, and lifting the bottom pane of glass to it's likewise manner.
The natural satellite in the evening sky reflected light so brightly, it gave the appearance of early afternoon onto the fallen precipitation.
Suddenly, my ocular units espied a minuscule transportation unit designed for snow, maneuvered about by eight equally minuscule deer like creatures.
Within the said transportation unit, was an old male who appeared quite happy and boisterous- within a nano second I devised that he must be none other than the Gift Giver himself.
Quicker than a Peregrine Falcon in dive did he and his beasts of burden arrive, as he addressed each individually-
Now, Hasty one! Now, Rhythmic Mover! Now, Springing and Bounding one! Now, Malicious old shrew!
Onward, Icy Celestial body! Onward Roman god of Love! Onward, Thunder and Lightning!
Onward to the apex of the abode! Rapidly- rapidly! Rapidly, Rangifer tarandus!
Like when deceased foliage blows about within the stirring of the wind, and contacts an object, they change altitude, the nocturnal visitors did as well.
Therefore, the mammalian manipulated transportation device and it's operator arrived upon the zenith of the dwelling.
Immediately, I heard the sound of cloven hooves above my head.
As I closed the window and reentered the room proper, The Gift Giver slid down the chimney with a dull thud. I decided to continue my investigation of our night time intruder.
He wore animal skins from top to bottom, and they were in dire need of a dry cleaner- I assure you the flue is not the greatest area to be if one wishes to stay clean.
A large bag was then opened to reveal various gifts.
His eyes glistened, and his nose and cheeks were a rosy hue- not unlike a drunkard.
The whiskers on his face were quite long and white. He was indeed long overdue for a shave.
He clenched a pipe in his mouth, and the terrible cancer causing tobacco formed a haze around his head.
His face, not unlike the rest of his being, was broad and flabby.
His abdomen moved quite similarly to Jello when he guffawed.
The Gift Giver was morbidly obese- certainly not like any pixie, sprite or gnome I have ever seen- I myself chuckled at my own thought, and quickly regretted it.
However, he winked and shook his head in the negative, showing he held no ill feelings to my faux pas.
Without one single oratory syllable, he placed objects into the previously mentioned foot coverings.
After completing the last one, he turned suddenly.
He then placed his index finger next to his nasal opening, and shaking his head once in the affirmative, he shot up the chimney.
Climbing into his transportation, he pursed his lips and let loose a shrill note.
Harkening to their master's command, they proceeded to take to the sky like a feather in the wind.
However, as he flew away into the night- I heard him yelling-
HAPPY XMAS TO ALL! AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!
Nibbler finishes his story, quite content with the outcome- all the children are fast asleep. He turns to see Leela in the doorway sipping a mug of coffee.
LEELA: I see you got them all asleep! You're good!
NIBBLER: Thank you, it was simple- I had most of them by 'as dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly'.
LEELA: Then why did you go on and finish the story?
NIBBLER: ONE of the children was a bit more difficult. However, he too succumbed to his nocturnal slumber.
LEELA: Really? Which one gave you trouble?
Nibbler just smirks and glances over with his one eye atop his head- pointing out, sleeping between Sally and Albert, with his rear end sticking up in the air, and drooling on his pillow, Fry.
MERRY XMAS, EVERYONE!!!