The Mother of all Curses
A baby is crying; the digital clock shows 3AM. Fry and Leela are in bed fast asleep- Leela with her head, chest and arms draped over Fry. Fry wakes up...
FRY: Ughh- she's awake.
Leela answers with lusty snoring and cuddles in closer.
FRY: (yawning) Leela- your turn.
The cyclops refuses to budge.
FRY: Aw damn. I'm up.
Fry tries his best to get out of bed without waking his wife up, yawns, stretches, and scratches his buttocks. He turns around to look at the woman he loves... she now has a big grin on her face.
LEELA: Thanks babe! The bottle is in the fridge- warm it up for no more than 15 seconds.
Rolling his eyes, he shuffles off to the other bedroom, picks up their daughter, and carries her to the kitchen.
FRY: And to think my mother cursed me with having a kid that will be just like me! I really hope I never woke up for the entire day at three AM! If that were the case- no wonder she passed on the 'mother's curse!'
Opening the fridge, he takes out a bottle of breast milk, a bottle of creamer, and coffee. He starts the coffee and warms up the bottle.
The little imp refuses to take the bottle- she takes two or three sips, and pulls away wailing. Fry pours his coffee and opens a bottle of creamer for his drink. He takes a sip, and winces.
He tries feeding his daughter again- same thing. SHE doesn't like HER drink either. He takes another sip of his coffee and makes a face.
FRY: Ewww! What's wrong with the coffee?
LEELA: (standing in the doorway to the kitchen, giggling) Nothing's wrong with the coffee, goof bag! You have the bottles switched!
CAPTION: Have YOU gotten your Space Rabies shot? Get inoculated!
Scene: P.E. Crew room. Everyone is around the table for the morning meeting. Fry and Leela come in a little late.
LEELA: Sorry we're a little late- we had to drop off Violet at my parents.
PROFESSOR: (completely oblivious to Leela and Fry's late arrival) Good news everyone! No deliveries are scheduled for today!...
EVERYONE: Yay!/ All right!/ Another job well done!
PROFESSOR: ...so instead of giving you the day off, I'm going to have you lazy no good bums clean up this damned filthy stink-hole! Get to work! (goes shuffling off)
Hermes hands out everyone's assignments, and retreats to his office... a sweet, pungent smoke begins to waft out from behind his closed door.
HERMES: Oh JAH! That's what I'm talking about, mon!
LEELA: OK you dirt wads, looks like the three of us are to clean up the Professor's storage room of all his most dangerous contraptions. Let's be careful, all right?
FRY: (half asleep) Yeah Bender, no more trips to the hospital this week!
Leela and Bender look at each other. Leela rolls her eye, and Bender answers with:
BENDER: (mumbling)You are such an idiot!
Scene: A large room full of all of the Professor's most dangerous and questionable inventions. Fry, Leela and Bender start sorting out and classifying items.
BENDER: (putting on a red wig and a glow in the dark nose) Hey look! I'm FRY!!! DUHHH- I LOVE you Leela! (Leela cracks him hard behind the head- the radioactive nose and hair piece go flying) Ouch!
LEELA: That is NOT funny Bender! Besides- Fry's nose looks nothing like that! That nose is much too big!
BENDER: (Dejected) Oh, I know- I just couldn't find the Beatles wigs. And if I did, I don't think I could have insulted Ringo like that!
FRY: Hey! Look what I found! It's the box with our universe in it!
LEELA: Oh Lord! Be careful with that Fry! The fate of our universe rests in your hands!
FRY: Hey- no prob- besides... (He steps on an empty Slurm can and goes sailing across the room.) Waaaa!!!
The box with the universe goes flying. It lands right side up, with its lid off. Fry falls into it.
LEELA: Oh God! FRY!!!
BENDER: (laughing) I bet the meat bag didn't change his will yet, DID he? I get it all! Bender wins! Ooh yeah!, Do the Bender!
LEELA: (starts crying) Oh Fry! Fry! I-I- I love you so much!
FRY: I love you too baby! Can you help me out?
BENDER: What!? Oh crap! I guess there's always next time.
LEELA: FRY!? You're ALIVE? But HOW?
FRY: I just grabbed this other box here and hung on- there are tons of boxes in here!- can I get a hand getting out of here?
Leela and Bender grab a hold of Fry, who brings the box he hung on to with him.
FRY: Whoa! Thanks guys! That was a close one!
LEELA: Uh, Fry... I think you should put that box back in our universe right now and...
FRY: (not listening) I wonder what's in this box?
He takes the lid off the box, and turns it upside down. HUNDREDS of smaller boxes come tumbling out.
BENDER: Can I kill him now or later?
LEELA: FRY! YOU MANURE BRAIN! Put those back NOW!!!
FRY: (looking at the lid of the original box) Whoa- look at this Leela! It says 'WISH BOX' Cool! I want a gazillion bucks! Aw damn- nothing.
LEELA: (getting visibly worried) Let's just put all these boxes away, and pretend this never happened! The Professor will never have to know...
BENDER: (snatching the lid away from Fry and reading it) Here's the problem you skin tubes- it says that your wish will come true- BUT it won't be the most recent one- It'll be the first thing you wished or hoped for TODAY... THEN you reach in, and touch one box, and the wish will come true!
Leela and Fry are both putting the smaller boxes into the larger “wish box” by the arm fulls. They both look at each other warily.
LEELA: well, thinking back, I can't think of anything I could have asked for. Fry?
LEELA & BENDER: WHAT DID YOU DO!?
FRY: I well... heh heh... I kind of wished that I never woke my parents up at three in the morning...
LEELA: Phew! That's a relief! That's actually fairly normal for little ones- not bad at all then...
LEELA: What do you mean 'AND'?
FRY:(laughing nervously) I, well, that is...
LEELA: (grabs Fry by the throat) WHAT DID YOU DO, PHILLIP J. FRY!?
FRY: (almost whispering) I kind of sort of mentioned 'The Mother's Curse'.
LEELA: Oh LORD. We're BONED.
BENDER: Now THERE is innuendo! Whooo!
Scene; P.E. Crew room. Fry is getting a royal butt chewing
PROFESSOR: ...and HOW MANY boxes did you say you touched!?
FRY: No problem- I have this all figured out- It can't be THAT bad- Leela and I could NEVER have that many children in ten lifetimes!
LEELA: For our sakes- I pray you are right! I'd have to hurt you...bad!
BENDER: Bad you say? Hmmm- Place your bets! The dope goes down in less than five minutes! (Leans in toward Leela) If you make it last longer- I'll give you a cut.
PROFESSOR: Of course you couldn't father that many damned poop monsters, you ninny! But did it ever dawn on your feeble little mind that all those boxes in the wish box were the boxes for all the other alternative universes?
FRY: (clueless) Huh?
BENDER: Try again, Professor.
PROFESSOR: And those boxes got dumped into OUR universe!?...
FRY: (still clueless) Aaaaand????
BENDER: Heh heh- here it comes...
PROFESSOR: Oh sweet Zombie Jesus! You just unleashed a bunch of...
The phone rings- Munda appears on the screen.
MUNDA: Leela? Fry? You might want to get over here, NOW!!!
Scene: Munda and Morris' home. Fry and Leela are worried and nervous.
LEELA: I hope our little angel is alright! Oh, I hope she's not sick!
FRY: Maybe Dad switched the breast milk and the creamer...
LEELA: (sighing and rolling her eye heavenward) Common- there's only one way to find out.
Leela takes a deep breath and knocks on the door. Morris Answers.
MORRIS: Oh thank heavens you are here! We have no idea what happened! First, all was quiet and then...
FRY: Is our little cherub OK?
MORRIS: Define 'OK' and you mean 'cherubs'!
Morris steps aside so they can see inside the home for the first time. Munda is zoned out- her hair is all unkempt, and there are DOZENS of children- many which are purple haired, two eyed girls (but all of them are obviously Leela and Fry's) ranging from newborn up to late teens, hanging on her tentacles, tail, hair, and anywhere else they can grab. The rest are complaining and nagging. They spot Leela and Fry.
GIRLS: Mom! Dad!
LEELA AND FRY: Oh crap.
Scene: Munda and Morris' living room- it is full to capacity with Leela and Fry's children.
LEELA: (trying to gain control) Children, please! (Most of the children quiet down- a few of the younger ones and babies are still crying) Could someone please try to console the littler Violets?
NOVA 1: (sniffling) But Mommy- my name is Nova!
TEEN VIOLET: Who the hell is she!? Dad named me for our beautiful hair, right mom?
AURORA: Put a sock in it! I know who I AM.. as for these impostors...
TEEN NOVA: Oh cram it all of you! (whispering) I turn 16 soon- can I get flying lessons?
TEEN AURORA: Un-uh- I'M older! ME first!
ALL THE CHILDREN: NO! I'M YOUR DAUGHTER!! PICK ME!!!
Scene: Leela and Fry's (now very full) apartment- it is very late at night. A few older kids are chasing Nibbler around, trying to change him, bathe him, and do other “cute girl things” to him.
LEELA: Well Fry- you managed to louse up our lives yet again. Kids everywhere! Kids ranging from little babies to late teens; kids with twenty different names all claiming us as their parents. If you were just a bit more careful...
Leela sees Fry is deeply sorry and hurt terribly by her chastising.
FRY: (sniffling) 'm-sorry.
LEELA: Oh... come here my sweet little goof bag! (sweetly) Would a kiss make you feel any better?
Fry looks up and a huge grin spreads across his face. Leela opens her arms to him, and he playfully jumps on her kissing her repeatedly.
PRETEEN VIOLET: Oh GOD! GET A ROOM!!!
FRY: This IS our room!
TEEN NOVA: Then give us a chance to get away! Ewwww! GROSS!!!
Scene: Next morning- Leela and Fry's kitchen- it looks like a cyclone hit it. Children, food and assorted things are everywhere. Younger kids are throwing owl eggs at each other that they found in the cabinets. Older Children are trying to cook, but only succeeding in making a huge mess. The teens are all sitting down, doing nothing and being bossy. The infants are all on the floor in soiled diapers, and spit up down the front of them.
LEELA: FRY- come here and look what YOUR children did!
FRY: Hey- why is it when they do something wrong it's MY fault?
Leela grabs Fry by the arm, and drags him to the kitchen.
LEELA: (tersely) Why don't you clean up that mess and feed YOUR children?
Fry sighs, and gets to work. A few hours later, the kitchen resembles a kitchen again, and all but a few kids are fed.
FRY: Hey Leela- this one is hungry- and we're out of bottles! YOU are 'it' now!
LEELA: Oh, all right. (Leela takes a little one from Fry and starts to nurse her.) OW!! The little 'witch' spelled with a 'B' has TEETH!!!
FRY: (holding another infant against his chest) Ha ha ha!!! (The baby bites Fry's nipple) GAAAAA!!!
Scene: P.E.- Leela and Fry are called in to see the Professor.
PROFESSOR: All right you two! We have got to control this spread of Fry's DNA! One is bad enough, but good Lord- when you fornicate something up Fry, you do it royally! That's why I've called you two here! I have a solution to all the parallel children! Behold- my latest invention!
The Professor pulls back a huge screen, showing a huge machine. Numerous items enter into the front of the machine, and come out neatly bagged up, they then ride a conveyor belt out the back of the building and get dumped into the river.
FRY: No! Professor- that's just wrong! On so many levels! We can't just dump them in the Hudson like unwanted puppies!
LEELA: Besides, Nibbler loves puppies! He'd have already eaten them up if that were the case! And these are children! Real live children!
PROFESSOR: Oh, very well, you cry babies- I guess we can do this the hard way then!
Scene: The Professor's Lab. The box to the universe is open on the floor. Fry, Leela, and the Professor are anchored to the table by cables like in 'The Farnsworth Parabox'. Fry is trying to get the teens to help by taking some of the younger kids to their correct parallel parents.
FRY: ...and, I promise- if you help, you can take flying lessons!
TEENS: WHAT DO WE NEED TO DO? (they all immediately strap into the system)
LEELA: (whispering to Fry) Fry! You can't promise that! What if our parallel selves don't want them to?
FRY: Would it be our problem?
LEELA: (thinking for a second) And you can fly Mom's Planet Express ship!
Kids start jumping into the box- looking for other boxes to enter.
PROFESSOR: (interrupting Fry and Leela) As you can see- I've already attached a card to all the kids- when they meet their correct parents, the cards will beep, the color will change, and the children can be left where they belong. Now...
The Professor picks up a newborn with a card pinned to her nappie.
PROFESSOR: Fry and Leela... (he hands the baby to them and the card beeps and changes color) There! This little bundle of baby droppings is your own sweet Violet! I suggest you put her somewhere safe while we get to work!
Leela and Fry look around. They see Zoidberg waving his claws wildly. Bender is drinking heavily and belching fire. They then see Amy.
FRY: Off you go to Auntie Amy!
AMY: Told ya so, ya lousy lobster!
Late that night- still at P.E., Leela, Fry and the Professor are down to just two children- Violet (now asleep in Amy's arms) and a similar baby.
PROFESSOR: Well now- according to our records, there is only one possible universe left for this adorable little spit monster- UNIVERSE '1'
FRY: Hey- I thought we were universe '1' and they were universe 'A'...
LEELA: Are we 'A' and they're '1'? I think...
PROFESSOR: Shut the hell up you two, and make like storks and deliver that baby!
Fry and Leela join themselves together to one cable, and jump into the box with the alternate baby.
FRY: WOW- look at all these boxes! (hundreds of boxes are floating around everywhere) It sure was a good idea of yours to mark the boxes when we were done with them! Now we just look for the box without a 'check mark' on it! I sure wish I thought of that!
LEELA: Fry- if you thought- none of this would have ever happened!
FRY: Ha ha ha! Yeah... I love you too!
Leela thinks twice about hitting him, but stops short because of him holding the baby. She glares and mumbles something instead.
LEELA: OK Fry- here it is. Now let's get this over with so we can go home to our own little angel! Please behave!
FRY: Aw, come on honey! You know me...
LEELA: EXACTLY- that's why I'm asking you to behave!
Leela and Fry emerge from the other universes' box in storage. They are immediately met by their alternate selves- joyous to have their own little one back.
LEELA A: I bet you missed her! Here you go!
FRY 1: Oh darling! Daddy will never let you out of his sight again!
LEELA 1: (to Leela A) Let me guess- couldn't leave something alone, huh?
LEELA A: (sighs) Yeah.
FRY A: Another job well done! (Both Leelas and Fry 1 look at him) What?
LEELA 1: Well, you two should get back home to your universe! Besides- traveling between universes is bad for your little one!
LEELA A: Oh- that's OK- we left Violet home with her Aunt Amy.
FRY 1: Oh, she doesn't know! Should we tell them?
FRY A: Tell us what?
LEELA 1 & FRY 1: We're expecting a SON! (they kiss, and Fry 1 tenderly touches Leela 1's ever so slightly bulging belly.
LEELA A: Well we have to go now- (dripping with sarcasm) come along sweetie. (she takes FRY A's hand and drags him back to the box.
FRY A: COOL! A SON!? THAT soon?
FRY 1: Yeah! We just found out- maybe because of the differences and the time variables between our universes you wouldn't know for... say a month or two.
FRY A: LEELA!! Did you hear THAT!? We're gonna...
LEELA A: (grabbing Fry A by his collar) We have to get back NOW! (She yanks on the cable and they go shooting back to their/our universe.)
Scene: P.E.: Fry and Leela go to Amy and take Violet from her.
AMY: She was an absolute Angel!!! Not a problem at all!
LEELA: Oh my little shnooky wookums! Mommy and Daddy missed you so much!
AMY: So, how are your alternate selves doing?
FRY: GREAT! And you'd never guess what they told us! We're... (Leela finally snaps and punches him in the eye and glares at him) OWW!!! That hurt!
LEELA: We're gonna have many great years with our little GIRL, RIGHT Fry!?
FRY: But... I heard... (Leela gives him the evil eye and waves her fist at him) Aw, common! You love me! Show me you love me babe!
LEELA: Yeah- I LOVE you alright- and if you keep it up- you're gonna receive some more “tough love” so your eyes match!
AMY: Uh Fry- I think she's telling you you're gonna get beat up.
FRY: Hey- all I heard was she was gonna give me some LOVE!!! I don't care what type it is...
LEELA: Come on Violet- time to take daddy home- it's dangerous for him to be out this late... or be by himself.
FRY: Mmmm! Snu snu tonight! Yeah!
AMY: Gleesh! You're such an idiot!
Scene: Leela & Fry's apartment- back to normal. Violet is in a bassinet next to Leela and Fry's bed, within reach and eye contact. Fry and Leela are in bed... but not sleeping.
FRY: Aw common sexy!
FRY: Just a little cuddle?
LEELA: Go away.
FRY: How about a kiss? Guess where I'll kiss! (Fry makes smooching sounds)
LEELA: Do it and DIE.
FRY: What does a 'month of Sundays' mean? Leela? Leela?
LEELA: Don't touch me.