Futurama

Fan Fiction

Ain't Miss-bee-hiving
By dinkdrinker

(OPENING CREDITS)

CAPTION: NOT HELD LIABLE FOR BLISTERING OF THE EYES, UNCONTROLLABLE NUDE DANCING, OR SONIC DIARRHEA

Scene- P.E. hangar. The Robot Mafia is roughing up Bender, and finally breaks his legs.

CLAMPS: That's what happens when you renege on a loan from the Robot Mafia! Next time it's the clamps! THE CLAMPS!!!

PROFESSOR: What in Baal's beautiful name are you doing here? GET OUT! Unless you're here on business, well then... Welcome to Planet Express! How can we help you?

JOEY: We're here to make you an offer you can't refuse!

PROFESSOR: Uhhhh.... (he looks around for witnesses. All he sees is Bender reaching into a box of spare legs he had from when he had abused electricity and welded himself to the ship. Bender than tip-toes quietly off, unseen by the Mafia)

DONBOT: That's right. An offer you couldn't possibly refuse... 'protection' for a year and a small trifle for a pick up and delivery.

PROFESSOR: (nervous) Uhhh, how much is a 'trifle'?

DONBOT: Oh, say around $25,000,000... ish?

PROFESSOR: WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO!? It'll be a pleasure to do business with you!

Leela and Fry walk in just in time to see the Professor making the deal with the Robot Mafia. They both look very nervous at each other.


Scene- Conference room. The staff is present awaiting the Professor's arrival

PROFESSOR: Good news, everyone! We have...

LEELA: Stop right there, Professor! Fry and I overheard everything! Working for the Robot Mafia is one thing, but that pickup/delivery is too damned much! I refuse to do it!

FRY: If Leela refuses, so do I! (Looks nervously over to Leela) Right? (Leela nods) Yeah! What she said!

PROFESSOR: You can't refuse! You two are the captain and the delivery boy! Besides, it's only space honey!

The rest of the crew gasp in fear and disbelief.

PROFESSOR: Oh poo! It's not like you haven't done it before! You're practically pros at it now!

FRY: Professor! Leela and I almost DIED!!! No way!

PROFESSOR: You sniveling little snots! I employ you! I get to say if I send you off to your doom or not... and I DO!!! Besides, they are throwing in over $25 MILLION!!! With that money, I can finally pay off all the fines against me for never paying minimum wage! We have to make this delivery. (He looks at Bender's legs and then rubs his) Besides, mine are harder to replace!

LEELA: Professor, let me appeal to your soft side, please!

BENDER: Now THERE'S a small target...

LEELA: (ignoring Bender's comment) We're your family! Your FAMILY!!! Your Aunt and Uncle! And now Fry and I have a baby, too! You wouldn't want your cousin to be an orphan, would you?

PROFESSOR: (very disgruntled) Oh, all right! But you better be damned sure that come the next crazy, hair-brained suicide mission, you'll be ready double time!

LEELA: Oh , THANK YOU, Professor!!! (she gives him a kiss on the cheek)

FRY: Yeah, Thanks!

The Professor looks at Fry expectantly...

FRY: I'm not kissing you.


Scene- The Professor's lab. There is a huge explosion.

PROFESSOR: Damn it! The altered nuclear clones of the crew failed to live again! (Sigh) I guess I'll have to go and BRIBE people to take Leela's and Fry's places.


Scene- P.E. Kitchen.

PROFESSOR: Well, what do you say, Bender? Of course, with your temporary return to the rank of Captain, your pay will temporarily be higher, too!

BENDER: (Thinking) I don't know... a robot can get mighty thirsty on such a long, dangerous mission...

PROFESSOR: Oh alright you alcoholic rust bucket! Twenty cases of beer!

BENDER: What kind?

PROFESSOR: (thinking, scratching his head) Oh, I don't know... say Gene-sewer...

BENDER: Un-uh! NO way! Deals off! No 'dollar bill swill' for THIS robot! You KNOW what that does to me- brick my brains out!

PROFESSOR: Uhhhh, India-ink Pale-swale? Rolling Bot?

BENDER: Nice try, geezer! But nothing cheaper than 'two buck chuck' for your new captain!

PROFESSOR: (pissed off) Oh, fine! Olde Fortran it is!

BENDER: (shaking the Professor's hand) Congratulations- you have a new captain! Now get to work on my crew. (Bender takes his leave, chuckling to himself)

The Professor turns his attention to Amy, who is eating at the table and reading a magazine.

PROFESSOR: Amy! How good it...

AMY: (not even looking up from her meal/reading) No.

PROFESSOR: But I haven't asked you yet, damn it!

AMY: I still say no. Besides, there's nothing you could bribe me with.

PROFESSOR: How about a...

AMY: Un-uh.

PROFESSOR: A...

AMY: Nope.

PROFESSOR: CRAP!

DR. ZOIDBERG: (looking dejected at the Professor, as he's raiding the refrigerator) But I already DID Nibbler's litter box!

AMY: (without turning around) Zoidberg, if you know what's good for you, you'll put Leela's lunch back NOW.

The Professor looks on, and then snickers... he then chuckles. Soon he is laughing his mad scientist laugh.


Scene- P.E. Lounge. Bender is watching 'All My Circuits'

PROFESSOR: Good news, Bender! I have your crew for you!

DR. ZOIDBERG: Hello, captain!

BENDER: WHAT!? Oh man, this must be a dream.... it's only a dream... yeah that's it- there are no 'twos', and not Zoidberg AGAIN...

DR. ZOIDBERG: Yes, Captain! A dream come true! All the food I can eat! And it's real food! Not even out of the dumpster! Oh, I'm such a lucky crab! It'll be just like old times! Oh what fun we had with the tanker!... (Zoidberg goes on a rant about 'old times together' in 'The Birdbot Of Alcatraz')

PROFESSOR: Oh, by the way, Bender, you'll also have to cook for your 'crew'... you like to cook, don't you? Oh good! Off you go!

Suddenly, the door opens and Hermes come running in...

HERMES: (giggling gleefully) I came as soon as I heard! Here's da papers for Zoidberg's death certificate, cooking, er, I mean preparation, and dinner.. I MEAN, disposal of da body! Sign it, ya damned lobsta!


Scene- P.E. Ship- somewhere in space, en route to the space bee hive. Dr. Zoidberg and Bender are bickering all ready.

DR. ZOIDBERG: But Captain! I'm soooo hungry, I am! The professor didn't pack nearly enough food for me...

BENDER: (interrupting) NO amount of food is ever enough for YOU, ya bottomless cesspool! Are you sure you don't have a black hole for a stomach, or are related to Nibbler, or something?

DR. ZOIDBERG: Nooooo.... I don't think, but we both have a certain debonair look...

BENDER: Aw, go cram a drum of whale oil in it! Oh man, I need another beer...

DR. ZOIDBERG: Whale oil, he says? Why didn't I think of that? Oh captain sir, you are a genius! (seeing Bender down beer after beer) Captain! You should watch your intake of fuel- at your current rate of consumption, you won't have enough to function on the way back home!

BENDER: Shut up, you over-glorified brine shrimp! Go make yourself useful by jumping into a boiling pot of water or something!

DR. ZOIDBERG: Sir, yes sir!

He salutes crisply, and exits the bridge. Bender grabs another case, but before he can even drink any of it, the Dr. comes in waving a book excitedly.

DR. ZOIDBERG: Oh, captain sir! I went and did something important, I did!

BENDER: Well, go do it again!

DR. ZOIDBERG: Look! According to our 'Neutral Planet Guide to the Universe', chapter four, section AC, Vector twelve, We should be coming up to the space hive right about....... now!

Sure enough, a hive goes by, but Bender keeps on flying past.

DR. ZOIDBERG: (concerned and hurt) Uh, captain? Wasn't that the hive the Professor sent us to? Did I do something wrong? (starts crying) I'm sorry! I am! Don't hit me!

BENDER: (sighing) I'm not going to hit you.... yet. It's just that that's the same hive Leela, Fry and I went to last, and I'm not gonna run the risk of that fatso queen remembering me! I almost lost my breakfast cook over that!

DR. ZOIDBERG: Oh, brave AND smart! What an honor to serve under such a man!

BENDER: It's man-BOT, and I KNOW it, baby!


Scene- a space hive similar to the last one. The P.E. Ship flies in and lands.

BENDER: O.K.- watch and learn, loser! Every GOOD bee keeper knows to to take care of bees! (he then pulls out a HUGE block of 'something', lights it, places it in the torpedo tube and fires it. Soon the smoke has made all the bees very happy and groggy.

DR. ZOIDBERG: Amazing! What was that wonderful plant matter you lit and fired at them?

BENDER: Oh, just a little something I found in Hermes' office. Let's go!

Bender and Dr. Zoidberg (suited up) exit the ship with the extraction hose. They are able to walk right by all the bees, do their job and make their way back to the ship... until...

BEE 1:(in bee, to Bender) Hey, man, like, ya got any more of that freakin' sweet smoke ya gave us before? It was aaaaaaaawesome!

BENDER: Uh, I think I may have more in the ship, hang on...

BEE 2:(in bee) Sweeeeet, dude! Hey, wait, man... did you take any of our honey?

BENDER: Uhhmm, yeah? The munchies? We had to get something?

BEE 1: (in bee) Dude, totally understand!

BEE 2: (in bee) Hurry back, man! I think I need more, right now!

BENDER: Uh, O.K.! Wait here! (aside to Dr. Zoidberg) Let's cheese it!

Bender and Dr. Zoidberg run back to the ship and prepare to take off

BENDER: Commencing cheesing in... three, two, one!

The ship makes a funny whining noise and dies. Bender tries a couple of times more, and each time the ship sounds worse.

P.E. SHIP: Out of whale oil... out of whale oil... out...

BENDER: WHAT!? We had over ¾ of a tank! Oh well, at least I made sure to take a few more drums of oil with us, Lackey- go pour some fuel into the ship and get gas in her ass!

DR. ZOIDBERG: Captain, now I suppose is a good time for a confession I have...

Zoidberg burps, and it smells similar to dead Mushu.

BENDER: Oh crap! We're boned!

DR. ZOIDBERG: But I was sooo hungry!

BENDER: Let me get this straight- you DRANK ALL OUR FUEL...

DR. ZOIDBERG: Yes.... sir.

BENDER: Oh damn it! I need a beer! It really can't get any worse! (he goes to grab a beer, and sees that the last remaining case is leaking everywhere. He pulls out broken bottle after broken bottle)

DR. ZOIDBERG: I kind of dropped it after stepping in the whale oil I spilled while eating...

BENDER: (surprisingly calm and out of character) Now I know how Leela feels... OK dumb sponge, I have another plan. But it involves you going outside to recalibrate the engines to run on space bee's honey. It won't work too good, but it will get us out of here!

DR. ZOIDBERG: But captain! I know nothing of that kind of thing! With your super robut mind, surely you could...

BENDER: (snapping back to himself)What!? They'll KILL me! That's why I can't go out and you have to! Besides- the professor gave you the experimental space bee anti-venom to use!

Dr. Zoidberg just looks blankly at Bender.

BENDER: You know, in the sick bay?

Still looking stupidly oblivious at Bender.

BENDER: In the syringes? In the sick bay cooler?

DR. ZOIDBERG: My captain, I have another confession to make, sir.

He then coughs up two large syringes, needles and all... they are empty.

DR. ZOIDBERG: (crying) I TOLD you, I was soooo hungry!

BENDER: You ate BOTH of them!?

DR. ZOIDBERG: (grabbing Bender's Shoulders) But it tasted SOOO GOOD!!!! WAAAAAHHH!!!!!!

Suddenly the ship is surrounded by the droning of thousands of very angry bees. They start attacking the ship

BEE1:(in bee) HOLD OUT ON US, MAN!? GET 'EM, DUDES!

BENDER: Oh well, we're dead- might as well enjoy our last few moments... want a cigar, doctor?

Bender lights a cigar as the camera zooms in on it. As it zooms out, a different kind of 'cigar' is clenched in Hermes' teeth as he is handing out his special cigars and brownies. A limbo party is in full swing at P.E.

HERMES: Tonight is da happiest night in my life! Arrival time has come and gone! No Bender! No Dr. Jerksberg! Jah be praised!!! My job just became 67.3% easier! Here Fry! Have one of my Jamaican cigars!

FRY: (takes the 'cigar' ) Oh! (inhales, and than begins to giggle) OOOOH!!!! Thanks Hermes!

LEELA: Now Fry, you know what that does to you! Under no circumstances should you...

HERMES: (interrupting) Leela- have one of my 'special' brownies!

LEELA: Oooh! Sure! (munching on the brownie) Ya know, seriously Hermes, we really should send out a rescue mission...

HERMES:C'mon, Leela.... brownies! (he waves them under her nose temptingly) Brooooowniiiiees!

LEELA: Now, Hermes, despite the fact that we all love your brownies, and their special, magical ingredient, don't you think we should at least search for them?

HERMES: (maniacal laughter) No.

FRY: Ah, well. You heard the man... wanna 'nother brownie?

LEELA: Yeah... make it two.

That night as Fry, Leela and their daughter are on the way to their apartment...

LEELA: You know, it's funny- Violet always sleeps much better after I eat Hermes' brownies and then nurse her...

FRY: Yeah! She's out like a light! She'll be asleep at least until 6AM!!!

Leela and Fry both start giggling like idiots.


Scene- P.E. The next morning. The Professor is on the phone discussing his lost and presumed totaled ship to an insurance agent.

PROFESSOR: Oh, really? That truly IS good news! Yes, yes, thank you very much! Good bye!

LEELA: What's the good news, Professor, and who was that?

PROFESSOR: That, Leela, was my new insurance agent! And the good news is that thanks to you not getting into any accidents in the last six months, the deductible will be waived on the loss of the ship! But the really good news is that I saved a ton of money when I switched my spaceship insurance to...

AMY: GAH!!! Leela! Quick! His brain is stuck and he's reverting to a simpler 'caveman' mentality! Smack him in the back of the head!

LEELA: HI-YAH!!! (She karate chops the back of the Professor's head and his dentures go flying) There! Are you all right, Professor?

PROFESSOR: Oh, my, yes. Thank you Leela, I feel much better now. Now off you go!

LEELA: Uh, Professor, off to where, and with what?

PROFESSOR: Oh, silly silly me! A rental ship will be here soon and you, Fry, and Amy will be going out looking for Bender and Zoidberg... strictly for organs and spare parts, of course!

LEELA: (Sighing) Of course.

AMY: Professor, why do I have to go? I have nothing to do with this and...

PROFESSOR: Because you're filthy stinking rich, that's why! The bees would never dream of harming YOU... they'd use you as a ransom, and we could negotiate from there! And don't forget the damned honey! That's my legs and your raise, you know!


Scene- a small rental ship. It is not very clean, but it is in decent shape. Amy is manning a station locked into the Planet Express ship's black box. Fry is riding shotgun, navigating, and Leela, of course, is piloting.

FRY: OK, we're coming up to the hive... now there's absolutely no shame in wussing out you know...

LEELA: Fry! I'm afraid too, but our friends may still be alive and they need us!

Amy and Fry just stare blankly at Leela. Uncomfortable seconds pass...

LEELA: Oh, all right, the pilfering bucket of bolts and the quack staff doctor?

FRY: Oh! Bender and Zoidberg! Why didn't you say so!

AMY: (whispering) YOU married him, Leela.

LEELA: (whispering back) I heard that, and I don't remind you of YOUR faults, lady!

FRY: OK Leela! We're coming up to the scene of the crime- here's 'our' hive.

A shudder goes up and down Fry and Leela's backs.

LEELA: (Looking at the hive) That's it all right; good job Fry! Here's a cookie...

She throws it and he catches it in his mouth like a dog.

AMY: Guys, we have a problem. This is the hive, but the ship isn't here!

LEELA/FRY: WHAT!!!!?

AMY: I'm still getting readings from the ship further down, about an 1/8 of a light year!

FRY: (spitting crumbs) But THIS is the hive we almost died in!

LEELA: Fry, I really don't think it matters! ALL the hives are equally dangerous!

FRY: Yeah, I know, but I still wanted to tell that queen she's still fat!

AMY: (cursing in Mandarin at Fry) The happiest day in my life was when we broke up!

FRY: Yeah- I cherish YOUR friendship too, Amy!

LEELA: Easy you two! We can take out our frustrations and aggressions on Bender and Zoidberg after we get them... assuming they are still alive. If not, we desecrate their corpses.

AMY: Hear hear!

FRY: I'm in!

LEELA: O.K., Amy- there's the next hive! How goes the signal from the ship?

AMY: Signal is off the chart! This has got to be it!

LEELA: Rodger- prepare for infiltration of hive and landing!


Scene- Inside the hive. The rental ship lands within a few yards of the P.E. Ship. The P.E. Ship is dark, and shows no signs of life. It is severely dented and damaged from the bees still attacking it.

FRY: Leela! I'm looking at the read outs, and I'm showing one life form!

LEELA: Well, that could either be Zoidberg, or the dinner you left in the fridge evolved, Fry... any signs of Bender?

FRY: I'm reading one automatron- it's fuel is empty, and batteries are dead... also, Bender is blind stinkin' sober!

LEELA: All right!- The Planet Express Ship is dead in the water, and Bender needs beer- check! Fry?

FRY: Beer is the cabin- got it!

LEELA: Amy?

AMY: Calling Septuple A! Fuel is as good as here!

LEELA: Great- now all we need to figure out is how to get over there... any ideas?

AMY: Spluh! Do what I always do and wait for the AAAAAAAA guy to do everything! You're my best friend Leela, but sometimes I wonder if you really are a dumb blonde!

FRY: (Coming up behind Leela with a six-pack of Lobrau) Nope- she's a natural violet! TRUST me- I've seen every square... (Leela raises her fist up quickly and connects with Fry's jaw over her shoulder) OW!!!

The call from Septuple A comes through- it is Sal.

AMY: Boy are we glad to see you! Our other ship is dead and needs fuel and a jump!

SAL: Wheres are youse?

LEELA: We're right in the next bee hive past the light year marker sign.

SAL: HOLY JESUSES!!! Youse didn't tell mes youse was in a space bees hives! This'lls be extras!

FRY: He'd better hurry! Those bees have just turned their attention to us!

As Sal is on his way, the bees start to attack the smaller ship with great vigor.

LEELA: FRY!- Shields!

FRY: Shields are not gonna hold at this rate! Maximum Yarnell!- down to 2986, 2736, 2486, 2236, Leela! We can't take another bee hit! I'm afraid they'll split at 1986!

Just like the Calvary in a cheesy old Western movie, Sal comes to the rescue- the bees start to attack his rescue ship as it extends a fuel line to the P.E. Ship and delivers the fuel. A few seconds later, a Volkwagen type bus like the Feministas pulls up- it is painted like the 1960's hippie bus 'Further' and has a vanity plate that says '420'. Two hippies start throwing out huge bales of a greenish plant substance.

HIPPIE: YOU OWE US BIG-TIME, MAN! THAT WAS OUR PRIVATE STASH! (Hippies take off)

The bees see the 'peace offering' and take off with it deeper into the hive. As there are no more bees around, Sal gets out and walks toward the rental ship

SAL: Ms. Wongs, I'ms sures youse being billeds ins the usuals ways is Oks?

AMY: Yes, sir that will be fine...

SAL: Ands I'ms alsos addings ons those baleses of maryjuwannas...

AMY: (rolling eyes, getting upset) Of course... Aren't you gonna jump the ship so it starts?SAL: (packing up to leave) Whats dos Ise looks likes? A Non lazys persons? Ise outa heres!

LEELA: (sighing) C'mon- there are jumper cables in the back- with the bees gone on to sweeter things, it should be more than safe for us to jump the ship and check on Bender and Zoidberg!


Scene- outside in the hive. Leela and Fry are suited up and nervously walk toward the P.E. Ship.

LEELA: OK Fry, You go inside and check on Bender and give him the beer. Also see if we have a Doctor coming back or a seafood boil block party when we get back home- I'm gonna hook up the jumper cables.

FRY: I'm on it Leela.

Fry enters into the ship and climbs to the bridge. Bender has five O'clock rust, and is singing folk songs.

BENDER: Common, Jerkberg! Mamas and Papas! On three... THREE! 'I saw her again last night...' OH YOUR GOD!!! FRY!!! And BEER!!! (Bender grabs the beer and almost rips Fry's arm out of it's socket doing it.

FRY: Ouch! Hey Bender! What up? Oh, Hi, Zoidberg.

DR. ZOIDBERG: Fry, The hunger pangs are great! Did my friend bring anything for me to eat, per chance?

FRY: Uh, there was my old food...

DR. ZOIDBERG: Was is on a plate with a blue stripe around it?

FRY: Yeah...

DR. ZOIDBERG: It's food? Really! I was playing Pinochle with it, I was! (crying) It beat me too!

FRY: Well, go at it, Doc Lobster.

DR. ZOIDBERG: Oh Leonard! Come here off your lovely plate, why don't you? I have something to show you, I do! (Zoidberg goes off screen) THIS will show you to trump my rook when I rolled sevens! (screaming is heard, as well as Dr. Zoidberg making eating noises)

FRY: Well, I have to check in with Leela- Bender you gonna be OK?

BENDER: Yeah, meat bag, but you should have brought at least a twelve pack! That'll cost ya another $50! I expect it when we all get home!


Scene- back outside. Quite a bit of time has passed. Amy is in the pilots seat of the rental. Leela has the jumper cables hooked on one end, but they are too short to reach.

LEELA: Hang on- Amy you need to move closer so we can reach...

BENDER: (coming down the P.E. Ship's steps) Hold up, chumpette! Allow me!

Bender grabs the cables, hooks one to a foot cup and another to a hand. He then extends his other hand and leg toward the P.E. Ship.

BENDER: Bender is a genius! Oh yeah! I'm great! Let's hear it for Bender! Let's all (he stops ranting as he stops extending about two feet short.) AW CRAP!!!

AMY: Hang on guys! I'll just move closer!

LEELA: (looking a bit sheepish) Uh, no, that's OK... I mean, Uhm.... I have another idea...

Inside the P.E. Ship, the lights come on very dimly. Zoidberg stops chewing on the steering wheel.

DR. ZOIDBERG: They are ready! Zoidberg can start the ship! (he turns the key)

Outside the ship, Leela is holding hands and touching feet with Bender... her other foot and hand...

BENDER AND LEELA: (as electricity courses through them) Ohhhhh yeaaaaaah! / That feels GOOOOOD!!!!

The ship starts.

DR. ZOIDBERG: Yay! Zoidberg is the hero! The crowd goes wild! (he makes crowd noises)

FRY: (looking on at Leela and Bender) Uh, OK fun's over! Let's pack up and head home! Please?

LEELA: Party pooper!


Scene- deep space. Amy is piloting the rental ship home, and Leela, Fry, Bender, and Zoidberg are in the P.E. Ship, limping it home.

LEELA: Switching to auto pilot.

FRY: Do you think that's a good idea, I mean the ship is pretty wanged up.

LEELA: Don't worry- I double checked it- it's working fine now. Besides, I think you and I can have a little 'together time'

FRY: Oh, I'm gonna enjoy... oh wait, Bender!...

LEELA: (grinning evilly) Oh I don't think we have to worry about him!

(Bender is seen in the background with the empty six pack, in down time mode)

BENDER: ...kill all humans.... hey sexy momma! Wanna kill some humans?

FRY: and Dr. Zoidberg?

DR. ZOIDBERG: All right! I get the hint! Humans likes privacy, instead of a public frenzy on the beach! Sheesh! ( he exits)

LEELA: (Leering at Fry) Guess what I wanna do! (she points a finger at him)

A static shock hits Fry with a 'POP'

FRY: OW!!!! OH NO!!!!

LEELA: Common Honey! (she zaps him again- 'CRACK')

FRY: (crying) Ow ow owie! Please stop it!

LEELA: (twirling her old shock collar around on a finger) Let mommy show daddy how much she loves him!

FRY: Oh God! Bender! Wake up! Save me!

LEELA: WHAT!? Why you little...

P.E. SHIP: Approaching Earth orbit- Please enter manual mode.

LEELA: Fry- we're gonna have to continue this later! (mumbling to herself) damned stupid ship had to get us here this quick...

Just as Leela enters Earth orbit, the Professor reaches them on the communicator.

PROFESSOR: Leela! Fry! How is everything?

LEELA: Well, Professor, Zoidberg was hungry, and Bender was sober, but...

PROFESSOR: To HELL with them! What about the cargo!? Get it down here NOW!!! That's my legs and your raise you've got there!


Scene- The P.E. Hanger. The Space honey is being unloaded as the Robot Mafia looks on.

DONBOT: A few days late, but a job well done. Minus the late fees, that's $24,000,000. It was a pleasure doing business with you.

PROFESSOR: (rubbing his hands greedily and drooling over the check) Oh my yes! And the protection for a year is still on?

DONBOT: Of course, but we still need to talk about that... now the customary protection costs...

PROFESSOR: Uhwah? It COSTS...

JOEY: Of course! We don't work for free!

DONBOT: Now for a yearly protection plan, for a business your size, I'd say it'd be around $26,000,000...ish.

CLAMPS: That comes to a little over $2,166,666.66 a month! And if you don't pay up... CLAMPS!!!!

PROFESSOR: Dear Lucifer below! I LOST money doing business with you! Leela! Fry! Go get more space honey so we can pay these Robo-wops and I keep my legs! Hermes! Get to work on those papers!

HERMES: (coming in with paperwork and red tape- literally. Glances down mournfully at the red tape, then up at Leela and Fry) Wait you two- I have a better idea...


Scene- Taco Bellvue Hospital Geriatric Ward. Leela, Fry, Bender, Amy, Zoidberg and Hermes are gathered around a bed.

PROFESSOR: I'LL GET YOU ALL FOR THIS! THIS IS MUTINY! HAVE MY LEGS BROKEN! SEE IF YOU EVER GET YOUR YEARLY FREE COFFEE ENEMAS!

BENDER: And everyone is happy!

HERMES: And the books are balanced!

LEELA: (sweetly- wearing her collar) Oh Fry!

ZAP!!!

FRY: Ouchies!

FADE OUT-

END CREDITS

Buddies