Futurama

Fan Fiction

The Bride of Rodriguez
By dinkdrinker

“Good news, everyone!” Bender yelled.

Leela and Amy looked up from their 'Cosmospolitan' magazine to see Fry enter, followed by Bender, who who was wearing a brick eating grin.

“Good news, Bender?” Leela placed the magazine down and grabbed her morning coffee and took a sip. “Let me guess, Fry used the litter box again.”

“Heeey! Leela, that was mean!”

“No, but the rolled up newspaper cracked across his nose did the trick!” the robot raised a finger and grinned.

“HEEEY!” The delivery boy pouted even more.

“No! This is REALLY good news! You'll never guess what!”

“I'm game. Let me guess...you robbed someplace or someone.” the Chinese Martian glanced over at him. “Predictable, really.”

“Nope! I'm clean! I haven't robbed anyone in over 13 hours!” He giggled. “Keep guessing! Oh, make it 11... uh Fry, here's your wallet. I... found it last night. I of course took out my finder's fee.” He handed the wallet back to Fry who snapped it away and glowered as he put it back in his pocket.

“Okay, you didn't rob. Who'd you kill?” Amy asked.

“No one!” He giggled more as he and Fry sat down and joined the ladies at the conference table.

“OH GREAT GILGAMESH, NO. Bender, you didn't give Morbo another wedgie, did you? Damn it, you're going to get us all killed!” Leela exploded.

“Nope!” The bending unit leaned forward on the table. “Give up?”

Leela and Amy looked at each other and shrugged. “Yes.” they said in unison.

“I'm in love!” he answered with a dreamy, far off look on his face.

The ladies looked at each other for a few seconds, than broke out in hysterical laughter.

“I'm afraid he's serious.” Fry said with an amazed look.

“Come on!” Wiping her eye and still giggling, she continued. “After your track record, Bender, this one must be a real robo-slut!”

“Leela, I can't believe how rude you are! As a matter of fact, she's a HUMAN, and she's... uh...” he tapped his noggin in thought. “What's that word again, Fry?”

“Virgin.”

Copious amounts of coffee and half eaten breakfast were shot all over the table.

“A WHAT!? Of ALL things! I can't believe you!” Amy sputtered. “You're going to corrupt a poor...”

“Now wait a minute! Corrupt nothing! I really love her, and I'll wait til she's ready!” He sat up with a pious look. After a few seconds, he started to fidget. “Uh, how long have I known her?”

“Seven hours.” Fry rolled his eyes and sighed.

“YOU'VE GOTTA HELP ME, BUDDY!!!” He grabbed Fry by his collar and shook him.

“Oh, Lord. I don't see THIS one going anywhere... and Fry- do the right thing and stay out of this.”

“Oh come on!” Bender pouted. “I thought you guys were my friends!”

“Fine, fine...” Amy grumbled and muttered under her breath. “Lots of lube.”

“AMY! No!” Leela snapped. “Bender, how about something simple? Like a movie, or taking her out to dinner?”

“A movie, huh? I suppose I can let he see one of my pirated...”

“No, Bender. Take her OUT to a THEATER to see a movie.” The starship Captain sighed.

“PAY to see a movie? Are you serious!? Lemme guess- your head hit the headboard last night one too many times, one eye.” Bender eyed her questioningly and lit a cigar.

“No, pretty sure she was on top last ni... Ow!” Fry rubbed the back of his head and glared at a very embarrassed Leela.

“And a nice dinner!” Amy added. “Elzar's should do.”

“ PAY for dinner and a movie... can't see why I can't cook and show her one of my stolen ones...” Rolling his eyes, he walked off muttering.

“Man that's never gonna work!” Fry said matter of factly. “Not for Bender!”

“Yeah.” Amy agreed.

“Exactly. Bender corrupting another person? He'll refuse to take our advice, and she'll see him for the sleaze-bot he is.” Leela looked at them and finished her coffee.

“Weeeeell...” Amy trailed off, looking around the room innocently.

“Poor Bender!” Fry thought out loud. “I don't give him 'til the appetizer.”

“That depends on if the movie or dinner is first! Come on Amy and Fry. Let's get to work, we have a long day ahead of us.”


Later that night, as Leela, Amy, and Fry are catching up on work and doing some last minute adjustments to the ship, they were interrupted by Bender stomping in excitedly.

“Guys! Guys! There you are! Am I good or what?” Bender sputtered and shook in excitement.

“Bender?” the three looked up in unison, shocked to see him so happy.

“Your advice was great!” He hugged each one in succession. “And I even tried to act like a Gentle-bot at least 45% of the time! The date was an astounding SUCCESS!”

“A... a what?” Leela asked shocked.

“Oh! Oh! You three wait right here! I have someone I want you to meet!” He goes running out of the room and returns with a petite, attractive raven haired beauty with bronzed skin. She is small, yet obviously fit. Not one you would expect to see with a sleazy bending unit. “Corrine, I'd like to introduce you to my friends, Amy, Leela, and my roommate, Fry!”

“Hello! I'm pleased to meet you all!” Corrine extended a hand to shake for everyone. “Bender has told me so much about you, I'm truly excited and honored to meet you...”

“Okay... I'll bite. Just WHAT has he told you about us?” Leela narrowed her eye and stared at her.

“Uh, w-well, he told me you were an Arcturan Kung Fu master.” Slightly intimidated, she looked down at her feet, nervously. “I'm lucky to have a brown belt, with Master Fnog as my Sensei. Bender told me maybe you could possibly teach me?” She looked up at Leela with pleading eyes.

“I... I... did you say Fnog?” A huge grin spread across her face. “Suuure!”

“Oh, THANK you, Sensei!” He face lit up like an Xmas tree, as she bowed deeply. Turning, she addressed Amy. “Dr. Wong?”

“Amy, please.” she answered, amused.

“I was told you and Professor Farnsworth lead the field in the...” she cleared her throat, “ 'lesser' accepted sciences. I don't suppose you'd like to look over my notes...” she handed Amy a small notepad scribbled over feverishly using every spot of paper. “I was just thinking today about...”

“YOU... you came up with this!?” Amy looked at her, slack jawed.

“Y-yes? I mean I may have a few corrections to make, but...” She was stopped by having her arm grabbed and yanked toward the lab.

“Come with ME to the lab, girl! We've got sciencing to do!” Amy shrieked.

“Am I missing something?” Fry scratched his red mop.

“Bender,” Leela confessed, “I have to admit it, I'm impressed! Smart and strong!”

“And hot! Don't forget...”

“Yes, she IS pretty, ISN'T SHE FRY?” Leela gave a death glare to her boyfriend.

“I'll... just go over here for a while.” He slunk away to a safer spot.

Walking back over, Amy just shook her head in happy, shocked disbelief.

“Wow! Look at her! She's a splucking genius!”

“Yeah, no explosions yet.” Leela joked.

“Isn't she so awesome?” the automaton gushed. “I think I'll go see if I can help her.”

Watching their metal friend walk off, they quietly talked amongst themselves.

“Wow, he's crushing on her bad.” Fry chuckled.

“Yeah. Poor Bender.” his girlfriend agreed.

“Yeah, poor bot.” Amy added.

“Poor what? Why?”

“Fry, look at her- she's damned near PERFECT compared to him. She'll see him for what he is, and leave him.” Leela shook her head and sighed.

“Drop him like a bad habit.” Amy scowled. “I wonder if we'd still be able to take her on after that happens.”

“Shouldn't we do something?” Fry asked concerned.

“No, some things should just run their course. Hopefully Bender will at least learn something from this experience. All right, Amy and Fry... let's pack it in and call it a night.”


ELEVEN MONTHS LATER...

“Thank you sweetie! Love you!” Kissing Bender goodbye, Corrine turned toward the door to apartment 1I and opened it. “Sensei? Sensei?, it's time for our- OH MY!” She was met with a loud shriek as a blanket was thrown over her trainer and her trainer's boyfriend.

“You- you're a bit early!” said a very flushed cyclops.

“I... sorry Sensei.” Corrine stammered as she blushed deeply. “Hi, Fry.”

“Hey, Corrine!” came a muffled reply deep from under the blanket blocking her view.

“Aaaaaah, excuse me, sweetie, could you step out for a second?” Leela axed embarrassed, as Corrine slowly backed out, never breaking eye contact with the blanket. “Fry! Stop it! Stop it stop it stop it...” she smacked the blanket repeatedly as her student left giggling.

“Why?” Fry flung the blanket aside and grinned as soon as the door was shut Not like she could see what...”

“Fry sweetie, unlike YOU, she has a brain. She fully understood what she... just get dressed!”

“Fine, fine.” Rolling his eyes in disgust, he quickly threw on his clothes as Leela jumped into her gi. Presenting himself fully covered, he asked, “Better?”

“Yes. Okay Corrine! It's safe to come in!”

“ I'm sorry about being early, guys.” Leela's pupil came in and closed the door behind her. “I just wanted to thank you for all you've done for me lately. I never had many friends, until I met Bender. And despite my vast knowledge, It's all just book smarts. I've had no experience whatsoever in the real world. Thanks for giving me 'hands on training', so to speak.”

“No problem!”

“Fry, I think she was referring to Amy and I. Besides, you haven't been able to teach her anything. You couldn't if you tried!” she patted him on the head.

“Uuuuh, actually, there IS something Fry can teach me...seeing he knows Bender really well...”

“Sure.” Fry smiled and stuck his tongue out at Leela playfully. “Anything. What is it?”

“Uh... I mean... wow, this is embarrassing.” She turned an even deeper shade of red than before. “Okay, Fry... what do guys... LIKE? I mean, you know, when you're alone in the...”

“WHOA! Look at the time! GOTTA GO, FRY!” Grabbing the redhead by the arm and dragging him to the door, Leela shoved Fry out into the hall.

“Oof! Aw, I wanna help with the 'hands on' stuff, too!”

“NO!” Slamming the door, she could be heard on the other side scolding her student. “BAD FORM, GRASSHOPPER...”


Later, at Bender and Fry's apartment, the two are discussing the previous event.

“...and then I got thrown out! Why do you think that happened?” Fry asked his room mate and took a sip of Lobrau.

“She... she asked you for WHAT!?” Bender's eyes zoomed out, as he grabbed his best friend by the shoulders.

“Oh! Oh no! Sorry, Bender! She wanted ME... to do....OH MAN.”

“THIS... IS... AWESOOOOOME!!!”

“Wh-what?” Fry axed confused.

“Buddy! She wants to make me happy! She axed you what guys like in private, right!?”

“Uuuuh, yes?” Fry answered, confused as usual.

“Okay okay okay... help me out here, skin tube! I am NOT gonna blow this relationship! What did you tell her so I know what to expect?”

“I told her nothing!” he shrugged his shoulders. “Leela threw me out before...”

“All right... I just gotta play cool... Unless she... oooooooooh yeah...” the robot's antenna slowly lengthened.

“Uh, Bender? Please snap out of it... you're touching me again.”

“Wha... Oh, DAMN you, for getting in the middle of my fantasy!” He smacked Fry hard across the face. “Now, seriously! I really like Corrine, and it's obvious she feels the same for me! What do we do, BEFORE we do it?”

“Hmm, maybe we should ask someone a bit smarter...”


Later at Planet Express...

“HA! Ha ha haha- ha ha....” The Professor stopped to wheeze and gasp for breath. “Y-you want relationship advise for you and Corrine? NO! Besides, that joke almost stopped my barely beating heart!”

“Aw, c'mon Professor, why not?” Bender begged the loony old codger.

“Because we all LIKE HER, and don't want to see her with the likes of YOU, that's all!”

“Bender, it's true we all have grown to respect and admire her a LOT. Even Leela.” Amy looked up from her work and immediately burned her hand on a bunsen burner. Cursing in Chinese under her breath, she continued. “I think by THIS point in the relationship, you two should be on your own for certain things. If something messes it up, we don't want to be held responsible.”

“But... but what if something happens? Like... you know... the NEXT step?” Fry raised his hand expectantly, but Bender shot it down with a withering Glance. “Nice try, Cassanova. I want some advice to WIN.”

“If it happens, well, then it HAPPENS! Spluh! Odds are, she's nervous too! Maybe you too can 'get together' someplace where you two are BOTH comfortable at...”


That night, at Leela's apartment...

“Thank you so much for letting us crash here for the night, Sensei!”

“Please, Leela- you've earned it.” the host smirked to her student turned overnight guest.

“Uh yeah...will ya look out that window meatbags? Just look at that storm out there! Who thought 30cm would turn into over a meter of that white crap, huh? Sure glad we were close by!”

“Yes, Bender... who knew?” She narrowed her eye and glanced over at him. He quickly avoided eye contact.

“And I insist Bender and I can have the sleeper sofa tonight.”

Feigning a yawn and stretch, the robot put an arm around his girlfriend. “YAAAAAAWN. Hey... look at the time, guys! Shouldn't we be turning in?” He turned to his date and she giggled.

“Yeeaah, I think so.” Reading them like a book, Leela decided some alone time was in order. “Fry and I had a long day and we need to 'relax',” She 'winked' at Fry, “and 'unwind' before falling asleep. We'll just leave you alone and go into the bedroom.”

“Goodnight!” Fry gives the two lovebirds a thumbs up.

“Goodnight, guys.” Corrine replies with a thumbs up as well.

Seeing the exchange, she grins and drags Fry off down the hall. “Come on Fry!”

Closing the bedroom door for privacy, Fry groaned. “Ugh, Leela, it's only 7:30 at night! What are we gonna possibly do, to waste time untiiiiilll...” His complaint was quickly nipped in the bud as he witnessed his violet haired beauty do a slow striptease for him, after she shoved onto the bed. “Uuuh... yeah! We can do THAT!” He madly started tearing at his clothes.

“Do... you... think... we can... be... quiet?” she asked between kisses. “I wasn't exactly expecting company over.”

“I'll do my best!”

A short moment later, some serious heavy petting was interrupted by the door creaking open.

“Uh... guys?” Bender startled the amorous couple so badly they jumped.

“W-WHAT!? Bender? What is it? Fry and I are a little busy here... shouldn't you two be as well?”

“Uh, well, yeah... ya see... she... she says she want to... oh, YOU know...”

“Hey, congratulations, buddy!” Fry slapped him on his back with a clang.

“Yeah, thanks... but I've never been with... I mean a human female that has never...” he trailed off embarrassed.

Sighing, Leela offered what she hoped would be the last advice for the evening. “Bender. Be very VERY gentle! And PATIENT.”

“Gentle... patient. Got it. Thanks guys.” He turns around to go down the hall chanting 'gentle, patient' like a newly leaned mantra.

“Now, Leela my love... where were we?” He flashed a devilish grin and they immediately got back to the task at hand.

“Uh, Fry? Uuhm...” The robot returned again with a puzzled look on his face.

“DAMN IT!” Fry stopped once again.

“OH COME ON!” The cyclops snapped.

“Uh, I need... that is she wants me to...” he looked down at 'camera #3', “you know...”

“Right.” Fry handed him a small square foil packet. “Here ya go.”

“Thanks, pal! I really owe ya one!”

“Now why the hell would he... What the HELL... hang on! I need to talk to her!” After throwing a blanket around herself, Leela went into the living room. “Honey, no one's ever explained the BOTS and the bees to you, have they?” After a while she came back into the bedroom and took the condom from Bender. “Okay, all straightened out! Go get 'er, tiger!” She thumped him encouragingly. “And FRY, you are gonna need this!”

“Ooooooooooh! Okay, Bender... I work alone here... so...”

“Oh... uh, okay guys. Thanks! You two have fun, I guess!” Once more the robot walked toward the living room reminding himself to be gentle and patient.

Turning down the lights, and getting back into bed, Leela laid down next to Fry. “Now Fry, sweetie, are we ready?” She kissed him greedily.

“ I was born rea... whaaaaa?” They were both stopped in their tracks, shocked to hear very loud, vocal, and amorous noises coming from the living room.

“WOW.” Leela blushed.

“Yeah, they're worse than us!” Fry added. Their unintended aural voyeurism was cut short by a loud piercing shriek.

“Oh no! Fry, what do you think happened?”

“I suppose we're gonna give another pep talk to Bender, huh.” Fry sighed, as they got up out of bed as the door opened.

Turning on the lights, Leela turned toward the door. “What, Bender?” The lights revealed not Bender, but Corrine.

“Umm, can we talk, guys?”

“AAAHHH!” Fry dove behind the bed to retrieve his clothes. “That's it. We're done.”


Ten minutes later...

“No, no it's not.”

“But... but Leela...”

“Trust me- NO.” Grinning like the Cheshire Cat, Leela soothed the young woman's mind. “NOW, Corrine, any more questions?”


Five more minutes later...

“YES. For the love of God, YES! Now...” Leela sighed as her young charge raised another concern.

“Uh... oh-okay... BUT WHAT ABOUT...”


Still another five minutes later...

“You know, over half of the fun is learning this on YOUR OWN.” Taking her gently but firmly by the arm she escorted her to the door. “Now there's a 'bot in there who has a lot to teach you, now have fun! I need to go back to Fry and...”

“Oh? OH! Did... did we interrupt anything?”

“Not much...” she rolled her eye and muttered. “Not much of a chance to even start...”

“Well, you two go have your fun!” Blushing, she went out to the living room, finally leaving Leela and Fry alone once more.

Walking back toward the bed, she dropped the blanket and slunk under the covers and laid next to Fry. “Fry? I THINK we'll be alone now! Do you think we can start over?” she purred.

“For YOU? Absolutely!” He rolled over and covered her with kisses.

Breaking a long kiss, Leela shuddered. “Geez! They're louder than Lrr and Ndnd!”

“Yeah! It can't possibly get more awkward than THAT!” Fry cringed.

“YEAH... YES BENDER... RIGHT THERE! OH! OOOH! OH GOD! YOU GUYS WERE RIGHT! IT'S AWESOOOOOME! Th-thank y-you L-leela and Fry!”

“I... I was wrong!” Fry looked down at Leela with a shocked expression on his face.

“Yeeeaaah. That's it... let's get dressed.” she answered, looking up at him with the same look.

Throwing on their clothes, they wanted to discretely grab their coats and slip out. This plan however, never came to fruition. Not only did the couple see Leela and Fry, but like buggalos in heat, they didn't even stop, nor did they care.

“H-hey, guys!”

“Where ya going, meatbags?”

“We're going out... to get a HOTEL ROOM.” Leela shielded her eye as she walked by to grab her coat.

“D-don't let us s-stop y-you... bye guys!” Corrine inadvertently waved more than a hand at them as they left.

“Wouldn't think of it...” Fry said as he tried his damnedest not to look.


A few weeks later, Bender shuffles into Planet Express with 5 O'clock rust, his arms dangling limply, and his antenna leaning over to one side.

“Beer... oil... please. Oh dear God above... someone get me beer and oil!”

“Oh... oh, BENDER! Did you two... ALL WEEKEND!? AGAIN!?” Amy giggled.

Collapsing into a chair, he turned to his fellow employees. “Ohhh... I've created a monster! She's insatiable! I don't think my Sybian card can take much more... camera three will only work now with extra data downloaded! My hardware is soft, and my software is... I don't even KNOW what it is! Amy, Leela, Fry, ya gotta help me! Give me ideas... pointers... ANYTHING!

“No splucking way! You won't share, neither will I!” Amy's joke only got a groan from the robot.

Handing Bender a beer bottle and an oil jug, Fry jumped in on the fun. “Here ya go, Bender. SO... how was your weekend?”

“Aw, come on! I thought you were my pal! Can't you interrupt us five to six times a day, like I used to do for you and Leela?”

“Yeah. ABOUT THAT...” Fry and Leela glared.

Chugging the beer, and then the oil, he wiped his mouth on his arm. “Thanks, bone bag. Do you think the Professor can give me an upgrade? Maybe a power boost or something? I'm short on change, and I have to be careful what I steal...”

“NO.” everyone shouted.

“No can do, Bender.” Amy shook her head and elaborated. “Besides, the Professor's laying low for the time being after his and his new partner's latest abominable creation.”

“Oh, sure!” the robot snapped. “The ganja smoking bureaucrat gets 'upgrades', no one bats an eye. But when the robot wants improved sexytime cyborg parts, everyone looses their minds!”

“Good news, Everyone! My latest invention is an astounding SUCCESS!!!” The Professor walked into the room and shook with excited glee.

“Congratulations, Professor! What is it?” Leela asked.

Reaching through the doorway, he brought in Corrine by the arm She was smiling demurely and had a natural 'glow' to her. “I present to you... THE ROBO-WOMB!”

“Bender, honey... I'm pregnant!

“Uuuuuuh guys? You gotta help me here! Guys? Guys?” the bending unit looked on as his friends scattered to the four corners of the Earth on him. “Heeeelp meeeee!

THE END

Buddies