The Devil's Microphone is an Idol Comedy Thing
*Reader Discretion Is Advised. All
characters and events in this story even those based on real people
are entirely fictional and should not be taken seriously by anyone.
You have been warned read at your own risk. One note to this story
Bender helps Zoidberg in his lifelong dream to be an comedian and on
another note of this story it is as random as hell. *
*Origin **Some random short funny stories, topic** **in the FMMB (aka)Futurama Madhouse Message Board.*
Scene Metropolitan House of Opera
Lobby. It's the intermission and the audience are gathered outside
the auditorium. Calculon and Preacherbot talk while Florp laughs. Amy
and Hermes are at the bar. *
Tinny Tim" Extra! Extra! Worlds
greatest stand up comedy of all time only half over."
Rush reads the headline.
Rush"Half over? Oh, I'd give
anything to hear the rest, well expect the thing I use to make babies
The coat door opens, revealing the
Robot Devil inside.
Robot Devil" Anything?"
Rush gasps and drops his Guinness beer
bottle. A man hands the Robot Devil his coat and he hands him a
Robot Devil" Thank you, sir."
The man leaves and the Robot Devil
turns to Rush."
Robot Devil"Now, as I was saying,
anything? Because I can give you new robotic ears!"
Rush bursts into laughter.
Robot Devil"What robotic ears are
not good enough for yea?"
Rush"No don't you get it? I just
did that to see if you would come, I don't want anything from you. So
Rush walks off.
Robot Devil" Damn! How am I going
to get my Mind Control Microphone back?"
Yuri from Command & Conquer comes
up to the Robot Devil.
Yuri"Perhaps I can be of
Robot Devil"Yuri hows it been."
Yuri"I have no such time for small
talk and socializing ,I'm here strictly of business."
Robot Devil"What is your business
Yuri"I want that Mind Control
Device of yours, if you please."
Robot Devil"Well you see."
Yuri"Yes ,Yes, I over heard your
conversion with the writer of this Futurama fan fiction with his on
going history of crummy world's of plot holes and spelling errors,
who has told me to say this and this message is dedicated to those
who have looked at is work anyways hes sorry."
Rush"Me sorry also if I had done
any Spam in the past too, to yous who hate my mistakes I'm sorry."
Robot Devil"Shut up and get back
into character if you have any character at all?
Yuri"How dare you insult me."
Robot Devil"I'm sorry ,sure you do
have character but I however am not aware
Yuri"You will give me the Mind
Control Device when you have it, won't you?"
Robot Devil"I sure will. In fact I
had given my Mind Control Microphone to Bender in hope that he would
use it for evil and world domination. But I was wrong! He uses it
for comedy and to give people hope and helps them stand up for there
rights the list gos on and it makes me angry."
Yuri"Indeed. So do we have a deal
Robot Devil"As long as you use it
Yuri"You like Vodka mixed with Red
Robot Devil"I Like Vodka."
Yuri"I love Vodka!"
Robot Devil"I love Vodka more."
Rush"This scene and it conversion
is getting now wheres. Anyway the Robot Devil accepted the deal and
they will both appear later in this Fan Fiction."
*Scene Back Stage Metropolitan House of
Opera Bender is wearing a tuxedo, also he is holding a red two devil
horn like microphone in his left hand. Zoidberg is wearing a clown
Zoidberg"Oh Jebus, I'm so nervous,
I feel like I'm going to ink my self."
Bender"First of all its Jesus,
second of don't ink your self."
Bender notices Zoidberg pants are a bit
black and wet looking.
Bender"You just inked your self
Bender covers his face with his hand in
Announce"From makers of All My
Sausages comes a new show with an long name *The Bender Bending
Rodriguez Show*is brought to you by. Soylent Cola, due to new laws
passed by DOOP we can no longer abduct humans and kill em. So donate
your loved ones who you hate and we'll turn em into a nice drink just
look for are many branches of Suicide Booths."
Bender"Thats us lets go."
Zoidberg"But what if were not any
Bender"Zoidberg do you remember
anything? With the Devil's Microphone we have been best rated stand
up comedy show in the world and we still are and we will always will
be the best."
Zoidberg"Okay come on lets go
Scene Metropolitan House of Opera
Bender and Zoidberg are both on the stage.
Bender"Hello welcome to part two
sausage links and em exhaust fans. If you have any questions raise
Many people if not everyone raises
Bender"Woo! Lot of hands here,
Yeah um I choose you!"
Bender points to some guy in the
audience near to Fry and Leela, Leela sits next to Fry, holding his
hand, they are both formally-dressed just like when Fry first played
the holophonor to Leela with the worms and showed them dancing in
space. Both of there hands have wedding rings on them, she looks
pregnant which she is in this parallel universe the year is 3004. Fry
had never had to do a opera to win or try win Leela's heart.
Some Guy"Yea me question is why
are you doing a stand up comedy here in this opera house."
Bender"I don't know. Maybe because
the guy who had written this fan fiction is just to damn lazy to come
up with any or describe any new scenes for Futurama fiction."
Some Guy confused "Yeah, what?"
Bender points to some woman in the
Woman"My question is, why is
Zoidberg dressed like an escaped mental patient?"
Bender"Thats because he is one."
Zoidberg"No I'm not!"
Bender"Yeah yeah, thats what they
all say. Anyway its time for are Big Question Of The Day."
Bender takes out his of chest cabinet a
remote. Bender passes BQOTD button. A wide screen TV lowers from the
ceiling across the stage.
Bender reading out loud whats on
screen"What if Leela somehow found out about Fry's love note in
the sky what would her reaction be?"
The audience exchange looks and start
talking about what Bender had just said in an confused like manner.
In the audience there is Mr. T with his
head in a jar.
Mr..T "What you talking about
Where Fry and Leela are in the audience
Fry looks nervous and is red in the face, sweating like a pig.
Leela smiling"Is there something
you're hiding form me, Fry?"
Fry nervous"Ahh,un, um, nooo. What
would make you think that?"
Leela"Oh Fry, your so cute when
She kisses him on the cheek.
Leela"I'll Aks you later."
Bender waves the Devil's Microphone it
has mind control effect and the audience instantly quites down. Fry
and Leela are not affected by it but there are too busy making out to
care whats going on around them.
Rush"Why are Fry and Leela making
out? Because there is a love note in the sky thing in the back round
of the of TV Screen across stage which Leela had just seen now a few
Bender reading out loud whats on
screen"A, would Leela demand snu-snu from Fry and marry him
after words. B,would Leela beat the s***t out of Fry for not telling
her this and then have snu-snu with and then marry him after words.
C, would Leela not be impressed and it would have no attraction
loving effect towards love Fry at all. D, would Leela be a lot nicer
to Fry and say yes when he will ask her out for a date. But heres
some advice there all right in one way or another."
Over to Leela and Fry. Fry has fallen
fast asleep with his head resting on Leela's low cut revealing bosom.
Rush"Could not come up with any
lines for Fry so I had something like that happen. Well its better
then coma acting isn't it?"
Leela shouts" A, the first one. As
for C I don't think any parallel universe would reacted like that, I
mean come on."
Bender"Well C, might not be right
as well for that matter as for a love note in the sky I don't think
any Leela would not love something like that and love the guy who had
done it for her. Unless shes is gay in that parallel universe not
like theres anything wrong with that."
Leela"So C, there can only be one
wrong answer in that way if I was gay?"
Bender"No not necessarily, in some
parallel universes, you have but not many you have rejected him even
after words when Fry had done an opera dedicated to you Leela and
your life, around this time."
Leela"Really a opera?"
Bender ignores Leela.
Bender"Quit standing there and
start dancing and stuff to keep the audience entrained."
Zoidberg"Right ho boss."
Zoidberg starts dancing and jumping
Bender"You were saying Leela?"
Leela"Yeah I was saying. Really a
Leela"Fry do me opera now or I'll
Fry awakes with star he sits up right
Leela softy"Fry I'm not going to
divorce, I'm just wanted to see if I said that every time you are
asleep it would wake you up more better and easer, then I usual do
shouting you name over and over again?"
Leela hugs him, Fry relaxes in her
arms, he instantly falls asleep this time his head rests between
Leela's legs. Leela simple looks down on Fry affinity.
Leela softy"Aww, my immature
almost good for nutting angel who lacks the delta brainwave."
Fry starts sucking his thumb in his
Leela"I want you to know Fry no
matter what happens between us in this universe we will always be
Over to Roberto looking at Zoidberg
jumping and dancing.
Roberto"Jumping and dancing,
Jumping and dancing. Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm
gonna kill you, you ... no good ... jumper and dancer!"
Roberto gets on the stage. He charges
towards Zoidberg with his stabbing knife out. Note Bender is asleep
on the ground.
Zoidberg"Roberto what are doi?"
He screaming seeing that Roberto is
intending to kill him.
Zoidberg"Superman save me!"
Superman flies down and gets in front
of Roberto to protect Zoidberg.
Superman"Halt, you shall not
Roberto"Stop quoting the Lord Of
Superman"I'm not quoting Lord Of
Roberto"Yes you are your just
putting,halt in front of the quote by Gandalf the Grey."
Superman"So what if I am?"
Roberto"Just get out of my way,
Superman"Before you what? You cant
hurt me I'm Superman!"
Roberto"Move or there will be two
killings here. I'm warning you now boy!"
Superman"No I'm here to protect
Roberto"Last chance, move now!"
Superman"Not go an happen."
Roberto takes out of chest cabinet a
kryptonite rock. he throws it at Superman so fast that Superman only
had time to gasp before it hit him and blasted him into dust.
Rush"Note that Superman joke was
only special effects."
Roberto advances towards Zoidberg but
then he stops in his tracks.
Roberto"Why am I going to kill you
Fry shouting from the advised"Because
he would not stop, jumping and dancing."
Roberto"Oh, that's right. Die you
no good, jumper and dancer!"
Fry"Sorry about that Leela, and
especially you Zoidberg, I was bored couldn't help my self!"
Roberto charges towards him.
Zoidberg"Bender! Help me!"
Bender awakes with an start. Bender
runs over and dives on Roberto to save Zoidberg.
Roberto on ground with Bender on top of
him"What are you doing Bender, I though we were friends?"
Bender"We still are, but hes my
friend too and I'm afraid that I have to send you to jail for this,
for the attempted murder of Zoidberg."
Roberto"You don't mean that hes
poisoned you against me."
Bender"Now you quoting The Lord Of
Rings by Samwise Generic."
Roberto crying"I know. Wait, how
do you know you were asleep."
Bender"Well you see due to my bad
acting as seen in Bender Should Not Be Allowed, I was told to sleep
by Rush, I was pretending of course"
Bender quietly "Don't worry
Roberto, I'll help you break out tonight."
Bender gives Roberto a wink, Roberto
gives Bender the thumbs up while hes been dragged away by URL and
Smitty. Then suddenly when Smitty, URL and Roberto are gone, the room
fells with smoke.
Bender"Whats going on?"
Zoidberg"I don't know, but I just
lnked my self, again!"
Fry shouting from the Advised "Woo!
Cool an effect."
Hermes singing" Is this really
happening,am I just high, from weed, or is me, listening to much Bob
LaBarbara"Husband, where meant to
be acting under mind control, so shut up!"
The smoke clears revealing the Robot
Devil and Yuri on the stage.
Bender gasps and opens his chest
cabinet, He takes out an pokeball.
Bender"Zoidberg, I choose you!"
Bender throws the pokeball it hits
Zoidberg on head.
Zoidberg in pain"Ow! Why did you
not throw that ball at Nibbler in the Advised? Hes a much better
pokemon that I ever me,if we were pokemon to start with."
Bender"Zoidberg, use tackle attack
on the Robot Devil!"
Zoidberg roars and charges towards the
Robot Devil "What ever shall do,
Oh wait I know!"
As fast as the blink of eye the Robot
Devil takes out an gun out of chest cabinet. He shoots Zoidberg and
he falls to ground like a rag doll.
Bender gasps"You didn't kill him.
Robot Devil"Oh bad hells no! I
just used the same stun gun from the time, I visited another parallel
universe, where my former twisted heart servant Fry had used to shoot
Leela which made her unconscious and I told him to take her to remote
location. Where I told Fry to the deed."
Bender"How did you get Fry to make
a deal with the devil with you? Or was he just a willing servant who
wanted to kill Leela in the first place?"
Robot Devil"First off Fry was not
a willing servant, I had to trick him to becoming my servant I told
him if you did not make the deal with me I will kill your unrequited
love, and so Fry sign the the deal then I pleased the Mind Control
Microphone at the back of neck and then."
Bender"And then you told him to
Kill Leela yes?"
Robot Devil"No! I had to test him
first. My original plan was to make him kill some weak little
innocent orphans in there sleep where Leela grow up. I had a little
change of heart as humans say, so I told him to not kill but to hurt
an Robot named Roberto."
Bender" Roberto, why him?"
Robot Devil"Well because naturally
Fry would want revenge on Roberto for driving him insane when he was
convicted for a Felony and was send to."
Bender"Yeah, Yeah, I know and I'm
pretty sure that the viewers of this Fan Fiction know so get to the
Robot Devil"Oh very well, you see
when you were tuning your banjo in your cell.
Robot Devil"Fry on the other hand,
had to dodge Roberto's stabbings if was to life another night and."
Yuri"Shut up! get me that Mind
Control Device off him."
Robot Devil"Yeah I guess viewers
of this will find Fry's Twisted Heart in Fan Fiction By Rush in the
The Robot Devil pulls out his of chest
cabinet a microwave gun and aims it at Bender."
Robot Devil"Hand it over now!"
Bender"Just an sec, Here you go!"
He walks over and hands the Devil's
Microphone to the Robot Devil.
Robot Devil"Thank you, here you go
Yuri, someone who use it for absolute power corrupts absolutely!"
The Robot Devil hands the Devil's
Microphone to Yuri.
Yuri"Good bye comrades, I'm off to
start a A New World Order of my self, I wont to have give my self to
the Soviets this time round, I'm off to my universe. Now where is
Robot Devil"Here, have you old one
The Robot Devil hands Bender an old
rusty looking Microphone.
Robot Devil"I thought you would
put up an fight Bender, how out of character for you, anyway it's my
poker night and I feel lucky."
Robot Devil" So it's back to hell
for me. Come on, Bush!"
He picks up Bush's jar.
They vanish in a flash of smoke. The
audience are still under the mind control effect of the Devil's
Microphone and don't notice the Robot Devil running out of the
auditorium behind them.
The mind control effect wears off the
Rush"Some examples of bad
Hedonismbot" Less fantasy, more
reality. Resume the Stand Up Comedy."
Bender"But we cant entertain you
Zoid shouting" Yes you can! The
Comedy was in your heart, not your... Whats the line?"
Bender"Alright I'll try not
rigging the rating this time. So knock, knock. Oh!"
A brick lands in Bender's open speaking
mouth thrown by someone in the audience.
Bender"Oh no! I'm go an crap that
out later. Woo!"
The audience boos.
Zoid "The hmmm...whats the line?"
The audience gets up and walks out,
throwing rocks at Bender and Zoidberg along the way.
Zoidberg wakes up"What I miss?"
Both Zoidberg and Bender cry in pain
from the rocks being thrown at them Fry and Leela don't thrown any
but they leave .
*Scene Outside Metropolitan House of
Opera. The audience flock out of the opera house. Tinny Tim has a new
Tinny Tim shouting"Extra! Extra!
Greatest stand up l comedy of all time sucks."
Fry" I'll take eight!"
Fry"Whaaat? Oh right, money for
are next baby righted."
Leela"Yeah thats right you
Leela"You can buy one if want
Fry" I'll take one."
He hands Tinny Tim some money and picks
up one newspaper.
*Scene Metropolitan House of Opera.
Bender and Zoidberg stand alone on the stage looking down cast sad in
the empty auditorium. Bender puts down his old microphones on the
floor and getups to leave, Zoidberg joins him to leave too*
Rush"Please don't stop joking you
two, I wanna hear how the f**k it ends."
They both turn and look at Rush who is
Zoidberg "Who are you, I've never
seen you before?"
Bender"Yeah, who are you indeed.
You look so much out of this world, just look at your self you look
like an cartoon."
Rush"I believe your the cartoons
here in this Futurama parallel universe."
universe,what part of that do I understand?"
Bender"I cant believe it! Your one
of them guys, who knows whats happens in Futurama with out using, The
Zoidberg" The What -Know machine?"
Bender"Shut up Zoidberg!"
Bender aims his ass at zoidberg.
Zoidberg"What are you doing?"
Bender"Firing out of my ass!"
Bender farts fire out of his ass like a
Zoidbergo on fire runs off towards an
fire exit whooping as he gos.
Zoidberg"Jebus save me!"
Zoidberg has now made it outside.
Back To Rush and Bender.
Rush"Will he be alright?"
Bender"Yeah, sure he be alright."
Zoidberg shouting from outside"Thank
Jebus for the rain!"
Bender"See he's fine."
Rush"Oh look at time, another time
Bender, remember what we talked about."
Bender"I'll see you soon Rush."