Opening Credits Scene:
Melts in your gut, not in your brain
Screen: Three Stooges cartoon
The PE Ship is parked in
front of a prestigious police office in Botland (formerly Scotland) .
Called Botland Yard. It's presided by a police robot who bears a
resemblance to URL but with a bagpipe and kilts. Fry, Bender, and
Leela walk out of the ship dressed as janitors.
Police Robot: (In a Scottish accent):
I've been expecting you janitors!
Fry: Actually, I was hoping...
Leela: (jabbing Fry on the side): What
would you like us to do?
Police Robot: You must locate the
Bender: Locate the missing papers?
This looks like that detective job you were hoping for, skintube!
Fry: All right! A detective mission
to locate the missing papers! Whoo!
Police Robot: You will be needing
these then! (Hands Fry, Bender, and Leela eletronic pokers.)
Fry, Bender, and Leela were
outside the Botland Yard Police Station picking up papers in the
grass with the electronic pokers that suck in the papers with a push
on a button.
Fry: Some detectives we turned out to
be! Locate the missing papers! (Releases the papers on the poker
and into a bag.)
Bender: What the hell was the
Professor thinking when he sent us on this mission! He must be going
Leela: Okay, you two! That's enough!
If you're both done acting childish and actually do a good job, maybe
the Police Robot will give us a detective mission!
Bender: If there's one more paper in
this yard, it could bite my shiny metal ass! (Sucks up some papers on
Leela: (cynically): Uh, Bender.
Papers don't have teeth.
Fry: (pointing) Look over there, you
guys! Aren't those Mom's sons?
They were Mom's sons Walt, Larry, and
Inger. They too were picking up papers with electronic pokers and
putting them in a bag. They were clad in leather jackets, t-shirts,
with brown and black stains, ripped blue jeans, and hiker boots.
Bender (Levativing his eyes): They ARE Mom's sons! They're copying us, dammit!
Fry, Bender, and Leela take off their
janitor suits and underneath were their usual clothes.
Leela: How do you know they're her
sons? They could be her boyfriends!
Fry: Let's go see what they're up to!
Leela: Good idea.
Fry, Bender, and Leela stopped what
they were doing to confront Walt, Larry, and Inger.
Walt: Well, well. If it isn't the
pathetic Planet Express crew!
Inger: We're better than you! (blows
raspberry, Walt pushes him over and Inger lands on his knee.)
Fry: Why are you guys copying us?
We're on a detective mission, you know! (Winks eye to Leela and
Larry: Detective mission?! Big Whoop!
We got a job better than you!
Walt: We're on a mission as undercover
Bender: I'll say you're undercover!
You're all dressed like you got some Bryan Adams thing going on!
Fry: Bryan Adams! The most influencial
rock star of my generation!
Leela: Shut up, Fry! (To Walt) What
is your mission?
Walt: We're going to find the
Poopenmeyer diamond that's been stolen. Mom wants us to bring it
back for her!
Larry: Yeah, also Jack Nicholson's DNA
in a Gorilla got kidnapped!
Fry: We're on a mission looking for
that, too! And the gorilla!
Bender: Let's make a deal, chumps!
Walt: Name it!
Bender: Whoever gets to the diamond
and the gorilla last has to be slaves to the winners!
(turns to Fry and Leela) Is that okay,
Leela: Yeah, that's fine! I sure
would hate to be their slave!
Fry: Sounds cool to me! At least
we'll be on a detective mission! Not that we already are! (laughs
nervously) Just a joke!
Fry didn't want to let on that they
were actually on a janitorial mission and not a detective one.
Walt: It's a deal! Our prime suspect
is that mental case Roberto! He's at the Hip Joint!
Larry! Inger! Get the bag!
Larry: (carrying their bag) We're
going to win, so prepare to be our slaves for a month! (Walt slaps
Leela: Well, we'll just see, won't we?
The Hip Joint is our next destination! Get the bag, Bender!
Bender: Get the bag, skintube! I
don't feel like it!
Fry: Get the..... (Looks around.
Carries the bag filled with the papers they picked up, unbeknownst to
Fry the bag had a hole in it and the papers fell out as he ran).
LEELA! BENDER! WAIT FOR ME!
Right behind Fry, Inger is running
around with a scrape on his knee looking for Walt and Larry.
Inger: (Crying): Wait for me! I've
got a big boo boo! (sobs uncontrollably as he ran looking for Walt
Fry, Leela, and Bender got
into the PE Ship and zipped across to The Hip Joint only to see a
sign that says "No Vacancy The Place is Full!" They look
out the window and see Walt, Larry, and Inger interrogating Roberto.
Fry: (Whining): Aww! That got there
before we did! Maybe this detective thing wasn't such a good idea
Bender (slapping Fry): Listen, metbag!
You're the one who wanted to be a detective! Now you have to follow
through with it!
Leela: We'll beat them at they're own
game! Luckily I have an evasdropping device on my wristband!
Leela activates the evasdropping on her
wristband and listens in on Mom's sons.
Walt (Over wristband): Okay Roberto!
Did you steal the Poopenmeyer Diamond?
Larry (Over wristband): Did you kidnap
Jack Nicholson's DNA in a gorilla?
Inger (Over wristband): Can you kiss
my boo-boo? (Gets slapped by Walt).
Roberto (Mumbling until finally singing
like a canary): Yes! Yes! I was in cahoots with the Robot Mafia!
Walt: Where are they now?
Roberto: THEY'RE IN SEATTLE! THEIR
HIDEOUT IS THE SEATTLE PARALLEL UNIVERSE NEEDLE!
Fry: All right! We got them! Yes!
Leela: OKay, our next stop is Seattle!
Bender stands at the window.
Fry: Bender! Let's go! What're you
waiting for? Robonaka?
Bender: I'm waiting for Roberto to
flip out! I want to record him for blackmail purposes!
Leela (drags Bender away): I don't
know about you, but I don't want to be a slave to those buffoons!
Roberto is then taken away by the
security guards. Then Fry, Bender, and Leela go on the PE Ship and
head to Seattle.
On top of the Seattle Parallel Universe
Needle, The Robot Mafia and their girlfriend Mollbot who looks like
Angelene but only is blue with purple hair are all admiring the
diamond they stole!
Donbot (Laughs evilly): It was too
easy to steal this diamond!
Joey Mousepad: Yeah, all we had to do
was blackmail Mayor Poopenmeyer with that video of him dancing with
Clamps: It was a lot of fun kidnapping
a Hollywood actor! And I got to apprehend him with my clamps!
Mollbot: What a hunk of diamond!
Donbot: Cold Diamonds, baby! All we
gotta do now is sell this to the black market, get loadsa dough, and
run away to the planet Galapogos!
Joey Mousepad goes to check on Jack
Nicholson's DNA in a gorilla (JNDNAING) who's being held in a cage in
the next room and gives him a tray of food.
Joey Mousepad (taunting): Oh, here you
are Jackie ole boy! You want to get your strength, this food is
loaded with vitamins and space minerals from other galaxies! We need
you for our plans!
Jack Nicholson's DNA in a Gorilla slaps
the tray out of Joey Mousepad's hands and growls angerly scaring Joey
Fry, Leela, and Bender were on the top
floor od the Seattle Paralel Universe Needle. The Needle outside
keeps reappearing and disappearing. The PE Ship was parked at the
lot. They were all searching door to door looking for the Robot
Fry: Wow! This place is awesome! It
used to be a 'Space' Needle! I wonder what music scene they got now.
Bender: From what I hear there's still
Pearl Jam! Now there's Alien Grunge!
Leela: It became a parallel universe
needle in 2761 when aliens took over the city with all sorts of
buildings, and alien rock bands! (Sees a door) C'mon, this must be
where they're hiding!
Leela knocks on the door and the
Mollbot answers it. Fry, Bender, and Leela barge in.
Mollbot: What are you doing! What is
the meaning of this?
Bender: We're searching for the
Poopenmeyer Diamond and The Robot Mafia! (Gets a closer look at
Mollbot) I oughta search you, baby!
Mollbot: Robot Mafia? Diamond? I
never heard of them, I'm all alone!
Leela: In fact, we're staying here
until they come!
Mollbot secretly hides the diamond in a
bowl of mints. Leela and Bender sit down and help themselves to the
bowl of mints. Fry does the same.
Mollbot (faux sobs): They think I'm
lying! I've never been in trouble before!
Leela (To Bender): You know, I don't
see Mom's sons anywhere!
Bender: Save it for someone who cares!
Fry chews the mint and puts the next
one in his mouth unaware that it's the diamond and tries to chew it.
Fry (muffled): This is hard to chew!
Must be a jawbreaker! I swallow it instead! (Swallows).
Mollbot (Screams): NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Fry: She's fainted! I wonder why?
Bender: She must have gotten a good
look at you, meatwad! It's ME she obviously wants!
Leela: Quick! Get her some alcohol!
Bender takes some alcohol out of his
chest compartment and is about to give it to the Mollbot. The
Mollbot wakes up and Bender helps himself to the alcohol.
Fry, You, okay?
Mollbot: Yes, it's just that you
policemen frighten me so!
Leela: We're not really policemen.
We're just on a detective mission to search for the Poopenmeyer
Bender: And to save a kidnapped actor!
If you ask me, I'm on the wrong side of the law!
Fry: Yeah, and this is our first
Mollbot (angry): And your last!
(slaps Fry, Bender, and Leela across the face all at once.)
Mollbot (calls out): DONBOT! JOEY!
Donbot (enters the room): And just
what is going on here?!
Mollbot: These guys think they're
Clamps (frustrated): Detectives, eh?
(Joey Mousepads hold him back.)
Mollbot: Yes! (pushes Fry) This
half-wit swallowed the diamond!
Fry: What? Me? Swallowed? Diamond?
I thought it was a jawbreaker!
Mollbot: That last mint was it!
Joey Mousepad (approaches Fry): All,
right bub! Cough it up!
Fry tries hard to cough up the diamond,
Fry (nervous): I think I might have
digested it! Heh! Heh!
Leela groans in disgust. Then Donbot
has an idea!
Donbot: Then we have no choice! We
Bender: Cool! Can I watch? (walks up
to Fry). Nice knowing you chump! Looks like they're going to cut
you open like a dead Neptunian!
Leela: Bender! Don't say that! You
gotta have faith that we will get out of this and win!
The Robot Mafia grabs Fry, the Mollbot
locks Leela and Bender in a closet. Donbot lays Fry on a table and
takes out a dozen knives. Fry screams and begs for mercy!
Donbot: Get outta here, Mollbot! This
is no place for a weak harddrive!
Mollbot leaves the room and runs away.
Fry: No! No! Please! Don't operate!
I'm too old for operations! I don't have an affodable health
insurance plan! Please! Please! Cut it out!
Clamps: Cut it out? That's just what
we'll do! (laughs evilly).
Fry was soon tied to the table from his
chest down to his knees.
Meanwhile Bender and Leela are locked
in a closet trying to get out to save Fry.
Leela: Well this bullets the butterfly
wings! We got to get out of here!
Leela suddenly remembered the Professor
installing a laser shooter in Bender's finger.
Leela: Bender, do you still have that
laser shooter the Professor built in your finger?
Bender (showing his index finger):
Leela: Yes, I need you to drill a hole
in the wall to get us out of here and save Fry!
Bender: Awww! I was saving it for the
day when I finally kill all humans!
Leela: Bender! This is life and
death! What if Mom's sons were too....
Bender (disgusted): Oh, all right!
Bender was mumbling under his breath
while he drilled a big hole in the wall of the closet. Once the hole
was complete, Bender walked in, only to be in the room with the caged
Jack Nicholson's DNA in a Gorilla. Bender enters the cage oblivious
to the fact that Jack Nicholson's DNA in a Gorilla was behind him.
Bender bumps into him, that causes the gorilla actor to roar at him.
Bender jumps back into the hole he made
and bumps into Leela.
Leela: Woah! (falling over then
getting up). Bender! What's the matter with you?
Bender (terrified): There was a....
There was a.... There was a......
Leela gave Bender a karate punch to the
head which caused his head to spin.
Leela: Look! Are you afraid of going
by yourself? (Sarcastically) Okay! I'll take you by the haaaand!
Leela takes Bender by the hand and they
both walk into the hole. Then Jack Nicholson's DNA in a Gorilla
roars at both of them.
Leela and Bender: AHHHHHH!
Then Jack Nicholson's DNA in a Gorilla
went into the hole and broke the door to the closet.
Donbot (hitting Fry with a hammer in
the stomach): There! That's where the diamond is!
Clamps: Should I tear him apart with
my clamps, sir?
Donbot: In due time. Joey, cut him
Joey Mousepad (with a scalpel in his
hand): With pleasure!
Fry was still tied to the table. Just
when Joey was about to cut Fry with a scalpel, Jack Nicholson's DNA
in a Gorilla roars from behind them!
Clamps: How did he escape?!
Donbot: Jackie! Bad gorilla! Obey
Joey Mousepad (jumping): I'll get 'em!
Fry lays on the table helplessly while
he witnessed Jack Nicholson's DNA in a Gorilla wrestle the Robot
Mafia throwing them around the room like rag dolls. Then Jack
Nicholson's DNA in a Gorilla throws them all out the window and
appraoches Fry. He punches Fry in the stomach and out came the
Fry: Hey, Donbot! How about we talk
Jack Nicholson's DNA in a Gorilla roars
in Fry's face.
Fry: LEELA! BENDER! HELP!!!
Bender and Leela were in the cage, and
Bender doing what he does best, bent the bars and went into the
other room. They see Jack Nicholson's DNA in a Gorilla sitting on
the table untying Fry.
Leela: Fry! Look out for that
Bender: That thing belongs in a zoo!
Just then Walt, Larry, and Inger barged
in the room, still wearing their leather jackets, stained t-shirts,
ripped jeans and hiker boots.
Fry: Too late, Mom's sons! Planet
Express wins again! WHOO!!! (Holding the diamond).
Bender: Hope your mommy's okay with you
being our slves for the next month!
Leela: So, we got here first! We
saved Jack Nicholson and got the diamond back! What do you have to
say for yourselves?
Walt, Larry, and Inger (bowing): We
are not worthy! We are not worthy! We are not worthy!
Fry: Actually, I was the one who saved
the diamond! Considering I swallowed it! And I couldn't have done
it without my gorilla friend! (Holding the diamond in one hand and
patting Jack Nicholson's DNA in a Gorilla with the other).
Jack Nicholson's DNA in a Gorilla: I
So, Fry, Bender, and Leela save the day
once again! Even though they've ditched their janitor mission for a
more worthier cause. As for Walt, Larry, and Inger, they have to be
Fry's, Bender's, and Leela's slaves for the next month waiting on
them hand and foot.