Fan Fiction

Blooper Reel Number Two
By Dwayne Anderson

Note from the Author: This is the sequel to "Futurama Outtakes".

Leela: Hi, I'm back with another reel of scenes that didn't make it into the series. Wanna see? Hopefully, we'll have just as many laughs as we did before!

(Episode: Space Pilot 3000)

Fry: Space. It seems to go on and on forever. But then you get to the end and the gorilla starts throwing barrels at you. (The spaceship on the arcade game explodes.) And that's how you play the game!

Boy: You stink, loser!

Fry lifts his arm-pit and smells underneath. He faints. So does the boy.

The offscreen crew laugh.

Farnsworth: Who are you?

Fry: I'm your dear old uncle Fry.

Farnsworth: I don't have an uncle Fry.

Bender: You do now!

Just as Bender is about to push Farnsworth out of the way, Farnsworth steps out of the way. Bender loses his balance and falls down.

Director: Cut!

Farnsworth: Heh heh heh, payback time!

Fry: Alright! I'm a deliv...ow!

But as Fry punches his fists up, he jumps up too far and hits his head on the ceiling.

(Episode: The Series Has Landed)

Farnsworth gets his head caught in a bird's mouth, only the bird snaps his head off. Blood gushes out of the bloody stump.

Director (to casting agent): We need a new Farnsworth.

Farnsworth: Big big week up at Planet Express this week!

Director: Cut! Professor, we don't want Red Green knocking on our door with a lawsuit over this, or worse, his nephew Harold!

The farmer introduces his robot daughters. The Crushinator accidentally runs over her sisters.

(Episode: Love's Labours Lost In Space)

Leela meets Zapp for the first time.

Leela: Do I really have to sleep with him?!

Director: It's in the script.

Leela: Well change it!

Director: Sorry, I can't do that.

Leela mutters profanity at the director.

Director: What was that?!

Leela (with an angelic face): Nothing!

(Episode: My Three Suns)

Leela is fighting the Aqua-people outside the palace. Offscreen, someone finishes eating a banana and throws it to the side. Leela accidentally lands on it and is thrown into the crowd, knocking them over like dominos.

Director: Cut! Whoever ate that banana is fired!

Leela thrusts her arm forth. An aquaman clutches his throat, gasping for breath and collapses.

Director: Cut! Leela, what did you just do!

Leela: I used the force.

Director: Since when does that come into the script?

Leela: Come over to the dark-side, and together, we'll rule the universe!

Director: Stick to the script or you're fired! We don't want Lucas Arts suing us over this!

Leela: Whatever!

(Episode: A Big Piece of Garbage)

Fry retches after smelling something awful.

Farnworth finds something on the lens. It's human feces. Fry faints.

(Episode: A Flight To Remember)

Farnsworth: I've booked us all on the maiden voyage of the largest, most luxurious space cruise ship ever built. (He pulls out a brochure.) The Titanic!

Laughing is heard offscreen.

Beavis: Hey Butthead, he said tit! Heh heh heh!

Butthead: Uh huh huh huh huh huh. Yeah. Uh huh huh huh huh huh.

Director: Cut! Not those two again!

Hermes accidentally knocks Kif into the pool after doing the Limbo. Everyone laughs. Kif's hand appears above the pool's surface with a single raised finger.

Director: Ha ha ha! Cut!

Countess: I'm slipping Bender!

Bender: I can't live without...oh whatever! (He releases her and she falls into the black hole!)

Director: Cut! Bender what did you do that for?!

Bender: What's the point in holding on?! She's still going to fall in otherwise!

Director: Stick to the script! Or else I'll take away your beer!

Bender: Ok already!

(Episode: Mars University)

The monkey puts the hat onto his rear end. Moments later, a sound of flatulence is heard. Everyone laughs.

(Episode: Fry and the Slurm Factory)

Fry and Leela run across Bender to cross the chasm, but Bender loses his grip and falls. Leela and Fry fall to. They all scream.

The offscreen crew laugh.

Fry, Bender, and Leela have discovered the secret ingredient of slurm. Fry drinks some slurm.

Leela: Fry!

Fry spits up and vomits as well.

Director: Cut! That wasn't supposed to happen!

(Episode: Xmas Story)

Santa: Santa has something very special in his sack for you two!

As Fry he opens his mouth, a loud belch comes out. Fry quickly covers his mouth with both hands. But it's too late, everyone is already laughing at him.

(Episode: Why Must I Be A Crustacean In Love)

Leela turns up the gravity. The weight falls onto Fry, crushing his neck.

Director (to casting agent): We need a new Fry!

The gang watches the mating ritual complete. Zoidberg, instead of becoming sad at the thought that he'll never get rid of his jelly starts stomping around cursing like a madman (his cussing of course is bleeped out.) The others point and laugh at him.

(Episode: Raging Bender)

In the theatre, Bender rips off the robot's head.

Bender: You know you should have quit while you were ahead!

The offscreen crew laugh as a drumroll and rimshot is performed.

Destructor punches through the floor of the arena, but his fist hits Leela instead of Fnog. She collapses forth.

Director: Cut! Sorry Leela, that wasn't supposed to happen!

(Take 2)

Destructor punches through the arena floor, knocking out Fnog.

Leela(grinning): Now we're even!

The offscreen crew laugh.

Director: Cut! Ha ha ha!

(Episode: A Clone of My Own)

The gang stare at Cubert in the tube.

Beavis: I can't believe they're all staring at a naked guy!

Butthead: Yeah. Huh huh huh. We should be staring at naked girls.

Director: Cut! Get them off the set already!

(Episode: The Deep South)

Bender: Harpoon my ass!

Leela: Ok! (She throws the harpoon at Bender, but misses and impales the cameraman) Oops!

Fry and Umbriel reach out for each others hands, but Fry misses her hands completely and ends up holding her breasts.

Director: Cut!

Fry: Ahhhh!

Fry and Umbriel are in bed trying to have sex.

Umbriel: What the hell is that?

Fry: Who cares, let's just have oral sex!

Director: Is that even in the script?

Fry: You know, I don't really know, or care.

Director: Fry, you're really starting to bug me.

(Episode: Bender Gets Made)

The gang are being led outside by Smitty and URL. A car suddenly comes by, splashing water on Fry's pants.

Smitty: Wetting your pants is a very serious crime in New New York.

Director: Smitty, stick to the script!

The Planet Express ship crashes into the billboard. The beating of drums is heard. People on the streets begin to sing.

Crowd: Planet Express, Planet Express, Planet Express of New New York, watch out for that sign!

(Episode: Parasites Lost)

Leela inserts the gasoline line into the ship's gas tank. Behind her, the price increases. Leela turns around and replaces the line. The price decreases again. Leela, grinning at her cleverness, reinserts the gas line into the ship's gas tank. The price increases even more.

The director laughs at Leela's growing frusteration.

Fry and Leela enter the motel room, only to see two raccoons hugging and kissing, dressed only in their underwear, their clothes on the floor. The female raccoon is tall and sitting at the end of the bed, the male raccoon is half her height and sitting on her lap. Had Fry seen the 1980's Canadian Cartoon "The Raccoons", he would have recognized the raccoon couple as Bert and Lisa.

Fry: What the...?!

Bert and Lisa scream, taken by surprise. Bert falls off Lisa's lap as she covers up.

Director: Cut! Who let them on the set?

Fry: Hey you two, get a tree!

(Episode: Amazon Women In the Mood)

Bender: Man, these women have one serious case of PMS!

Amazon: It time Snu-snu!

Fry: Can't we just cuddle?

The Amazon suddenly belches. She covers her mouth with both hands.

Fry: I guess not!

Everyone laughs, including the offscreen crew and director.

Bender comes across two guards guarding the temple, but instead of sneaking by them, he takes a direct approach. He puts on a red cap and apron, then approaches them, carrying a pizza box.

Guard 1: Halt! Who goes there?!

Bender: Pizza delivery!

Guard 2: I don't remember ordering any pizza! But we're hungry!

The two guards grab the pizza and wolf it down. Then they start gagging and collapse.

Bender: Heh heh heh. Poisoned Pizza, works everytime!

Director: Cut! Is this even in the script?

(Episode: That's Lobstertainment)

Zoidberg is standing on stage.

Zoidberg: There once was a man from Venus, who had a really small...

Director: Cut! I think we've heard enough!

Zoidberg: Hey who switched my lines?!

Fry, Leela, and Bender are grinning, trying to hold back their giggles.

(Episode: A Pharoah to Remember)

Zoidberg starts singing at Bender's funeral. Bender gets agitated and stuffs a bundle of TNT down Zoidberg's throat. There's an explosion, but Zoidberg is still standing.

Zoidberg (singing): Why must he try to blow up Zoidberg...?

Bender: ARGH! THAT DOES IT! (He storms off in a volatile mood with his clenched fists at his side) I'LL BE IN MY TRAILOR IF SOMEBODY FINDS A WAY TO SHUT HIM UP!

Everyone laughs.

Director: Ha ha ha, cut!

(Episode: Jurrassic Bark)

Fry turns on the radio and starts dancing, but suddenly, there's a cracking sound and he doubles over in pain.

Fry: My back!

Director: Cut! Medic, see to Fry immediately!

Fry: Now I know why it's called Break-dancing!

(Episode: Kif Gets Knocked Up A Notch)

Kif: Farewell, for we may never meet again.

Kif isn't watching where he's going and crashes into a tree.

The beating of drums and singing is heard.

Voice: Kif, Kif, Kif of the jungle, watch out for that tree!

Everyone onscreen and offscreen laughs.

(Episode: The Sting)

Bender swings his golf club. The ball flys up and comes down again in the distance. A thwack is heard.

Voice: OWWWWW!

(Episode: The Farnsworth Parabox)

Leela: The reason I can't go out tonight is...

A loud sound of flatulence is heard.

Amy: No spluh! Why do you think I'm sitting here in the stink-free zone!

The offscreen crew laugh. Fry doesn't laugh he is supposed to.

Fry: Ok, that one was me!

Now everyone is laughing hysterically.

Director: Air out the room and let's go again!

(Episode: Spanish Fry)

Fry: Look, I'm usually(starts giggling) the first person to (chuckles) toot my own lower...

Fry suddenly collapses into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. Bender and Leela start laughing as well. Lrrr's guards burst into laughter as well.

Lrrr (furious): What's so funny?!

Leela, trying to unsuccessfully silence her giggles points upward above Lrrr. He looks up to see a sign that reads "I Blow Goats".

Lrrr: Oh ha ha! You are all real mature, you know that?!

(Episode: Bend Her)

Leela: Bender, this has got to be the worst thing you've ever...

Bender/Coilette: Hey watch it! I've got PMS!

The offscreen crew laugh.

(Episode: The Devil's Hands are Idle Playthings)

Leela: Please don't stop playing Fry. I wanna hear how it ends.

Fry plays the Holophonor. The images shows Fry and Leela hug, then they get down on the floor and are covered up by a black bar with the words "Censored".

Fry's face goes red with embarrassment.

Fry: Uh, pay no attention to that.

Everyone laughs.

Leela: Well, I sure had fun! Did you? See you later everybody!


The End