A Slow Day at the Office
It's another slow day at planet express and Fry is sitting on the couch in
the employee’s lounge watching television as he usually does
when there’s nothing to do
In walks Leela reading a note pad
Leela: Oh hey Fry?
Fry looks up from the television
Fry: oh hey Leela, what up
Leela lowers her note pad and sighs
Leela: Oh nothing, I'm just working through
some fuel expenditure reports for Hermes
Fry: Really? Why?
Leela: Well because it’s my... wait who am I
kidding, that paper jockey would probably prefer it if I let him do
it, then chew me out for not doing it in the first place.
Fry: Yeah for him that’s like 'double soup Tuesday'
Fry and Leela smile at each other for a moment as Leela relents and puts down
Leela: so what are you watching Fry?
Fry turns back to the television and continues to watch
Fry: oh some cartoon called Family Guy, is pretty surreal. The announcer said
it was a classic from my time... but I’ve never heard of it.
Leela Turns to face the screen as the show continues
Television: Man what was I thinking I must have been higher than Alyssa Milano!
Leela: Hmm I don’t get the reference, was she a pilot like Amelia air hart or something?
Fry: Hmm maybe
Fry looks back across the couch to Leela
Fry: hey do you want a beer? I got a whole cooler down here and without
bender around its just going to get warm.
Leela: Sure why not.
Leela reaches across Fry to get a beer, as she does Fry
feels the soft caress of Leelas hair as the end of her pony tail
brushes past the back of his hand.
Fry: So Leela?
Leela grabs a beer and sits up next to Fry. Fry watches as she
places the neck of the bottle in her mouth and clenches the cap with
Fry: I'm glad you came by; I’ve been meaning
to ask you something
As Fry struggles to think of a fresh way
of asking his female colleague out on a date Leela rips the bottle
cap from the neck of the bottle and spits it out at the TV
Television: Oh I should really stop taking my baths
during Peter's shenanigans!
Leela chuckles for a moment as she watches the screen and takes a swig from the bottle
Leela: Sorry Fry I wasn’t listening. You wanted to ask me something
she says leaning back into the couch to relax with her beer
Fry's confidence ebbs away and he quickly thinks of something else to
Fry: How do you do that thing with the beer bottle you just did
Leela chucklesLeela: What, the old "bite and twist"?
Fry: Yeah, I've never seen anyone do it with
such style, finesse or such feminine grace is all…
Leela blushes slightly
Leela: Well I don’t know about that, benders got a real gift when it comes to that kind of thing
Fry: yeah but his mouth is a bottle opener, and yours is...
Fry pauses as he finds himself staring at Leela’s soft pink lips
for a moment.
Television: Peter have you been up all night drinking again
Leela: Uhh Fry how many of these have you had?
Fry snaps out of his trance
Fry: Uh one, maybe two, I just uh... stopped one sentence earlier than usual like you've
been telling me
Leela laughs slightly, clearly amused by Fry’s
Leela: well it good to know you've been
listening to my advice, but you know that’s only for when your
telling stories right
Fry: Are you kidding I listen to every
thing you say. You have a way of explaining things that makes me want
Leela smiles for a moment. Then her face turns
cold for a second
Leela: So how come you never follow my
Fry goes all tense for a moment
Fry: Err, uh ah I don’t know, I...
Leela drops the pretence and again chuckles
Leela: Oh relax Fry, I'm just yanking you.
You’re so cute when you think you’re in trouble
Leela downs her drink and motions to the cooler
Leela: Pass me another beer and I’ll show you how to open it with you
Fry: Uh ok, here!
Fry passes Leela a drink
Leela: Ok it’s important you only try this with
low brow; most other beers use a different kind of cap and can pull
your teeth out
Fry: Ok so now we've got the beer now what?
Leela: Well put the neck into your mouth and bite down
on the cap with the teeth at the back of your mouth
Fry does as instructed
Fry (garbled): What like this?
Leela smiles and shakes her head
Leela: No silly! She reaches over and adjusts his grip on the bottle
now bite down hard, and twist the bottle in your mouth like so
demonstrates by opening another bottle and spitting out the cap at
Fry watches all the while still holding the bottle in his mouth
Fry (garbled): Well here goes nothing
Fry duplicates Leela’s actions
perfectly and sure enough the bottle cap comes away cleanly in his
Fry jumps up from the couch in excitement and flings his
hands up into the air
Fry: I did it! Whoa, now I won’t
have to rely on my feeble small talk at parties!
Leela (concerned): Uh Fry!
Fry: Yeah what?
Leela: You might want to spit that bottle cap out now!
Fry falls into a panic
and grabs his neck as he begins to choke.
Leela jumps up off the couch and hastily performs the Heimlich manoeuvre. After a
couple of short sharp thrusts the bottle cap flies out of Fry’s
mouth and ricochets of the television screen.
Both Fry and Leela fall back onto couch in an untidy pile. After a minute
of Fry coughing and spluttering he finally caught his breath
Leela: Fry you stupid fool, why didn’t you spit that thing out like I
showed you. You could have died just now you idiot!
Leela, still with her arms around Fry’s midriff stares angrily into
his eyes with a deadly seriousness.
Fry: Leela I admit I was a little dumb back there and it was a stupid mistake, but I got a
little caught up in the moment. I’ve never done that
Leela: And you’ll never do it again! I’m
not going to have you dying on me you stupid, stupid..!
Leela’s sentence is cut short as Fry, unable to fight
temptation tenderly presses his lips up against hers and slowly yet
passionately kisses her as a grateful tear ran down his cheek.
To his surprise Leela doesn’t immediately pull back and beat him
Unsure of Leela’s reaction to his surprisingly
uncharacteristic boldness Fry pulls back with a nervous smile to gage
nervously her reaction. Leela is silent for only a couple of seconds,
then continues her sentence as if nothing had happened
Leela: …Stupid fool. If I catch you doing that again I swear
Leela again pauses as she lunges forward into Fry and the pair engage lips in another prolonged and more
This time Fry pulls back and pushes Leela back
for a second
Fry: Leela are you sure your ok? There wasn’t
anything in that beer that tasted funny was there?
Leela’s response is to simply push Fry to the ground in front of the
television and the pair disappears out of shot
Television: Woah! Giggadee giggadee gigg gigg goo!
Pan back to Zoidberg who has been sitting back at the table the whole time
Zoidberg (thoughtfully to self): Wow that is one impressive party piece. Maybe
I, Zoidberg, should start opening beer bottles, and beer cans
perhaps, using only my mouth!
Written By Steve Canniford (aka CosmicF)