Futurama

Fan Fiction

Anthology of Bender
By Fryfan

I don't own Futurama or any of its characters.


"Anthology of Bender"

 

Futurama Main Title Theme: "Reviewed by the Earthican Utilities Comission"

Casper cartoon

 

(This story takes place right between NNYPD No Clue and PE's Angels. Opening Scene. Fry sets out to use the what if machine, but he sees it has an "Out of Order" sign.)

Fry: Crud, it is out of order. (Bender enters.)

Bender: Hey, Meatbag, what up?

Fry: I wanted to use the What If machine, but it's broke.

Bender: Man Fry, how come you like to use that thing? Haven't you learned not to dream of things that can never happen?

Fry: But I had the perfect question.

Bender: Hey, how about I tell you what would happen?

Fry: Really?

Bender: Sure, just give me 100 bucks. (Leela, Amy and Zoidberg enter.)

Leela: What's going on?

Fry: Bender is about to substitute for the What If Machine.

Bender: 100 bucks.

Fry: Alright Bender, I want to know what would happen if I became the best artist on Earth?

Bender: Hmm, okay, well it would start like this...

 

The Magic Stick. (This is based on the short story, "The Magic Chalk" by Kobo Abe. We see Fry, Leela and Bender sitting on the couch. Professor enters.)

Professor: Good news, everyone, you will have to go to the basement and bury these barrels of toxic waste that my newest invention produced.

Fry: What's your newest invention?

Professor: I haven't the foggiest. (Cut to Fry, Leela and Bender in the basement and they are burying the barrels.)

Fry: Is this a good idea?

Bender: No, but it sure is a lazy one. (Fry accidentally spills a bit of the toxic waste on a box on chalk. The brand name is Chalkola. Fry picks up the box and sees only a piece of red chalk in the box. The red chalk is glowing and Fry picks it up.)

Leela: Fry, be careful, that chalk has be exposed with toxic waste.

Fry: Relax, I used to play with chalk all the time.

(Starts drawing a few things on the wall: some apples, bananas, a roast beef and steak.)

Fry: Man, all this drawing is making me hungry. Let's go upstairs and get something to eat.

(Time passes and we see the Fry, Leela, Bender and Professor walking down to the basement and we hear the sound of someone eating. They see Zoidberg sitting at a corner eating.)

Leela: Dr. Zoidberg, you were the one making those eating noises?

Zoidberg: Go away! I found this food, these are my apples, bananas, roast beef and steak.

Fry: Wow, those are the same things I drew on...Hey! Zoidberg, did you erase my drawings on the wall?

Zoidberg: I did not. I smelled something and I came downstairs and found this food on the floor.

Fry: Oh well, I'll just draw something else. (Draws a pretty flower.)

Leela: Fry, it looks beautiful. (Then the flower becomes real and it falls on the ground.) Fry, that flower came to life.

Fry: (Picks up the flower.) I don't believe this, am I still on that drug trip from last week?

Leela: Professor, how is this possible?

Professor: That toxic waste must have given that red chalk the power to make drawings come to life. When you drew that food, it came to life and Zoidberg ate it.

Zoidberg: Now that you mention it, this food does taste a little on the limestone side.

Fry: This is awesome, I can create anything and change the world.

Professor: What are you: a fool? You can't change the world with chalk, unless you are going to draw on asphalt, like a basketball court or a sideway.

Fry: Hey, I have a gift and I'm going to use it to the best of my ability.

(Cut to Fry with a brand new suit and all types of fancy stuff, as though he had won the lottery. He and Bender are both sitting on the couch and are watching on their new big screen TV.)

Bender: Hey, how about some more beer?

Fry: Sure. (Draws on the wall a can of beer. The beer is labeled, "Chalkwiser" it comes to life and Bender grabs it and drinks it. Amy, Leela and Zoidberg enter.)

Leela: Fry, it has been a week and all you've done with chalk is use it for your own personal gain. What about helping others?

Fry: Hey, I've used it to help Bender.

Bender: Yeah. (We see Bender smoking a huge cigar and is covered with jewelry and has a golden tooth.)

Fry: Alright, what do you guys want?

Amy: I sort of want to have larger breasts, but not pay for implants.

Leela: What!

Fry: I'd be glad to help you with that.

Leela: Fry!

Fry: Don't worry, Leela. I can give you breasts larger than hers.

Leela: Fry, it is just wrong, you should use that chalk to feed the hungry around the world.

Zoidberg: The hell with them, there are hungry people here. I want more roast beef.

Fry: Come on, Leela. There must be something you've always wanted?

Leela: Well, I would like an accessory of new boots.

(Cut to Leela having dozen of pairs of shoes. Each with a different color stripe on the sides. We see Amy with a wardrobe of new dresses and Zoidberg has a buffet table with all sorts of food. Just then we see two secret service agents come in and bring Nixon's Head.)

Fry: Earth President Nixon?

Nixon: That's my name, don't wear it out. Now then you are the world's best artist who has a magic chalk that can create anything?

Fry: That is correct, sir.

Nixon: Young man, how would you like to help your planet?

Fry: I don't know, what has my planet done for me?

Nixon: Listen you radical, Earth security is every Earthican's concern and your chalk can help save the Earth from any potential attack.

Bender: Potential? Earth is invaded three times a month.

Nixon: You see me point.

Fry: Well, Leela did say to use the chalk for good. Alright Nixon, what do you want me to do?

Nixon: I want you to draw me a bomb.

Everyone: Bomb?!

Nixon: Yes, by having a bomb capable of blowing up a planet, we will create peace with the universe.

Leela: How will that create peace?

Nixon: Through fear.

Leela: Fry, don't listen to him. (Cut to Fry just about finished with the bomb.)

Fry: There, Mr. President, one peacemaker for you.

Nixon: Excellent.

Fry: It is so good that once set it can never be disarmed.

Nixon: All in the name of peace.

Zoidberg: So, how does it work? (Starts pushing a few buttons and the bomb is armed and ready to blow.)

Fry: Oh no, Leela try to disarm it. (Leela just frowns.) Oh wait, it can't be disarmed.

Leela: What do we do?

Bender: Quick, put all my stuff in the ship and fly out of here.

Fry: There's no time. I got an idea. (Races to the basement and draws a door on the wall. The door comes to life. Fry opens the door and it opens to another world. The bomb explodes, the blast shoves Fry right through the door as a bright flash is made. When the flash clears, we see Fry on the ground. His clothes ripped and he gets up to look at the door now closed. He tries to open it, but it is locked on his side.)

Fry: Oh no, my magic chalk has brought me nothing but death and this gold watch. (The gold watch he made from chalk flashes.) Hey, wait! (Pulls out a picture of the PE crew. They have expression of not wanting to pose for the picture.) I can create a new world and my friends don't have to be dead.

(Cut to Fry done with drawing his friends. His friends turn to life, but they look as if Fry was playing the holophoner, with his own hands.)

Leela: My God, we're freaks.

Bender: I look as horrible as Zoidberg. (Zoidberg looks the least horrible.)

Zoidberg: My God, I'm an abomination.

Fry: I don't understand this, I'm the best artist on Earth.

Amy: Spluh, this isn't Earth.

Fry: Oh yeah. Come on, guys, you may be freaks, but a least we can live in peace in this world.

(PE crew huddles together and break.)

Leela: Okay Fry, but can we have half the chalk? I mean, if we are going to live in this world, we should all be equals.

Fry: Okay. (Breaks the chalk in half and hands it to Leela. Leela then draws on the ground, pictures of weapons. They come to life and the PE crew grabs them and turn on Fry.)

Bender: Let's kill him.

Amy: Make him pay for making us into freaks.

(They all gang up on Fry. He's backed into the door and he tries to open it but it is still locked. He comes up with an idea and draws on the door a sledgehammer. It comes to life and he's ready to bust the door down. He breaks the door down and a white flash is made and it sucks Fry and the whole world through the door. We cut to the basement of the PE building. Leela and Bender come downstair and look around.)

Leela: Well, we've searched everywhere and we still can't find Fry.

Bender: It's a good thing that bomb just emitted chalk dust.

Leela: Well, we should look outside.

(They go back upstairs. Cut to Fry and he looks flat. He realizes he's a chalk drawing on the basement wall of the PE building.)

Fry: I should have known, the world's problems can't be solved by chalk. Maybe, I should've used magic clay.

(Then a tear like substance comes down Fry's eye, but it is coming from a leak from the ceiling and it is washing Fry away. Just then Zoidberg appears.)

Fry: Zoidberg, help I'm stuck on the wall.

Zoidberg: That drawing of Fry is talking to me. (Scared he grabs a cloth and with the water leaking erases Fry. Fry gives a final, "NO!" as Zoidberg finishes.)

Narrator: Interesting stuff, I can't wait for the next...TALES FROM BENDER!

(Cut back to the PE and Bender is smoking a cigar.)

Bender: Well, do any of you other meatbags have a question for me?

Amy: Oh can I go next?

Bender: 200 bucks.

Amy: But you said 100 bucks earlier.

Bender: Inflation suddenly hit, you all saw it. (Amy pays Bender and she is ready to ask a question.)

Amy: I can't decide between two questions. One is I want to know what would happen if I was a sexy spy and kicked ass.

Bender: Why don't you just have me as your boss then? Like you can ever be a kick ass spy. (Starts laughing.) That is lame as Fry being a spy.

Fry: Am not.

Leela: What's the other question?

Amy: Well, I also want to know what would happen if I were married to Kif?

Bender: Well, that is a much more decent question. Well I suppose what would happen is...


I Love Amy. (This is based from I Love Lucy. We see an apt. room just like the set but legally distinct from I Love Lucy. The whole scene is done in black-and-white. We see Amy wearing clothes and has her hair just like some famous redhead. She's busy vacuuming and the front door opens and Kif comes in dressed as a certain famous Cuban band leader.)

Kif: Amy, I'm home and you've got some explaining to do.

Amy: I do.

Kif: Yes. (Shows her the stitch on his coat that says, "Kif".) How did you managed to get the double stitching on "Kif"? I like it.

Amy: Oh Kiffy, thank you for noticing.

Kif: So how was your day?

Amy: Same old thing, since I've been unemployed.

Kif: I can't believe you lost two jobs in a month. First it is at the candy factory.

Amy: They demanded efficient speed, that they said I wasn't up to.

Kif: then there was that commercial job for Mom.

Amy: "Vitameataveggieoil, now with 15% more alcohol." But they said I couldn't stomach it.

(Just then Leela, Fry and Bender enter.)

Amy: Hey you guys, what brings you two here? I haven't seen any of you in a long time.

Leela: We came to visit. Things haven't been the same since you left Planet Express. The Professor's new engineer isn't anything like you.

(To the PE building and we see Scruffy as the engineer and he's reading a porn mag and is sitting in a chair right next to the ship's engines. The ship's engines start to make noises. Scruffy hits it with the broom and it stops making noises. All of this happens without Scruffy taking his eyes off the page. Cut back to Amy's apt.)

Bender: it's been hard not being able to poke fun at the engineer and knowing you've caused her some emotional pain.

Kif: Well, since you all are here, I can tell you all that I have a new job .

Amy: He's a singer for the Hip Joint. He has a band and all.

Fry: So that was you, Leela and I saw at our date last night.

Kif: There was a famous Hollywood actor there, TV's Calculon and he's coming to our home tonight for dinner and if I play my cards right, I just might get a part in a movie.

Fry: What kind of movie?

Kif: Probably, either the part in a superhero movie, or comedy. That's all they seem to be making now.

Amy: Kiffy, is there a chance I may get a part in the movie?

Kif: Oh No, Amy. Look, I'm sorry, but I promised that I wouldn't have friends or anybody try and show their talents to him. He's just here for dinner and discussing with me on getting me this part.

Amy: I understand.

Kif: Good, now I have to go in the other room leaving you people to talk behind my back. (Heads into the other room.)

Bender: Can't see TV's Calculon? That just won't bend.

Fry: Why should Kif only get a chance to be in the movies and we don't?

Leela: Look, we should just respect his wishes.

Amy: As if, I say we try to show Calculon we are meant to be in show business.

Leela: But, your husband said not to show your talents to Calculon.

Bender: Leela's right, just get back in that kitchen and cook dinner, like a woman should. (Leela changes her mind.)

Leela: When do we start?

(Cut to Calculon, Kif and Amy in the living room. Calculon and Kif are on the couch and Amy is at the armchair.)

Calculon: And that is how I earned my fifth emmy.

Kif: You are such a great actor.

Calculon: That is what I was programmed to be. But seriously, I'm looking forward to this movie and since I saw your performance last night, I think we may have a part for you.

Kif: Oh I hope so, I've always wanted to be an actor.

Calculon: Yeah, you might be an actor, maybe not good as me, but still you might be an actor as long as there are no surprises tonight.

Kif: Don't worry, I'm sure there won't be... (Fry and Leela enter and they are dressed as spies.)

Fry: Agent Fry and Agent Leela reporting for duty.

Leela: Our mission is to stop the evil ninjas from taking over the Earth.

Fry: (points at door.) Look, here comes one. (Everybody looks, but no one enters.) I said here comes one! (And Scruffy comes in as a ninja in a lazy manner. Leela kicks him down. He just gets up and walks out.)

Fry: At last the world is saved.

Kif: Calculon, I can explain this.

Calculon: Are you saying you can explain how kicking that ninja saved the world? That was awful, I think I got cancer from that performance. You two get out now!

Leela: See Fry, I told you being spies was a dumb idea.

Fry: It seemed like a good and clever idea. Oh well let's just go. (They walk out.)

Kif: I'm sorry for that.

Calculon: You better be, and for that matter have you thought of locking that door. Any idiot can just come in a make a fool of himself.

(Bender comes in and acts the way he did in "Bender Should Not Be Allowed On Television". He comes in smoking, drinking and dancing around. He spills beer all over everyone and then he stops dancing.)

Bender: So how was I?

Calculon: Well, to be honest, it was great, you might have a place in Hollywood.

Bender: (mocking) Yes, in your face Kiffy. (Walks out.)

Kif: Well, I just hope that was the last that we've seen...Where's Amy?

(We see Amy come in a I Dream of Jeanie outfit and we hear Arabian music playing and she has a veil covering her face. She dances around Calculon and Kif just looks embarrassed. Amy finishes her dance right in front of Calculon.)

Calculon: While I must say she is attractive for a human, but that act was horrible. Mr. Kroker, I'm beginning to think you had your friends come over to show how much they suck. Except for that Bender, he was great, but I told you I didn't want this. (Amy cries just like a famous red-head.)

Kif: I'm sorry, but you made my wife cry.

Calculon: No, buts you can forget about your part in the movie and as for your wife, see is a nut.

Kif: That's it! Calculon you've made me mad. (Starts transforming into a much larger creature.)

Calculon: What is this?

Kif: When my species gets really angry, we can transform into a beast, but only once in our lives. I've been saving this gift until now. (Grabs Calculon and throws him out the window.)

Calculon: I'm sorry!!!!!!!!!!!! (As he falls. Kif changes back to his regular.)

Amy: Kif, you used your power to turn into an enraged beast once, for me. Thank you.

Kif: Oh it was nothing, I probably would have wasted that power while driving on the highway or something.

(They kiss as Bender, Fry and Leela enter.)

Fry: What happened here?

Bender: Where's Calculon?

Amy: Kiffy became a huge angry beast and threw Calculon out the window.

Bender: What!? Well I hope you are happy.

Kif: I am, and I've realized that if I had to like an insulting actor to get a part in a movie, then it is just not worth it. But Amy since this is your fault, you'll have to clean up the mess.

(Amy does the famous, red-head "I'm in trouble" look, then everyone laughs.)

Narrator: I can't believe what I just saw, but don't worry there will be more...TALES FROM BENDER.

(Cut back to PE building.)

Amy: Bender that story was awful.

Bender: Hey for $200, what do you expect? An Oscar winning screenplay?

Amy: Kif doesn't have the power to be a huge beast.

Bender: He doesn't? Well then I guess he should. So who's next? Who about you Leela?

Leela: I'm not going to pay you $200.

Bender: Make that only $100.

Amy: What?! Why does she have to pay only $100?

Bender: Inflation has ended.

Leela: Well, I guess I can axe a question for $100. (Pays Bender.) Alright, I love my parents, but they can never be on the surface, because they are mutants. I want to know what would happen if mutants were allowed to live on the surface?

Bender: That is an interesting question. Hmm well I suppose it would start with...


Planetexpressmen Together (Sequel to the Futurama Comic Issue #8.)


(Opening Scene. The White House and President Nixon is discussing something with his advisors.)

Advisor1: Mr. President, I don't think it was a good idea to pass a law that allows mutants to walk on the surface.

Nixon: Nonsense, it has been said that mutants outnumber us and with their support, I can be up for re-election.

Advisor2: Sir, the human population is protesting in swarms.

(Turns on TV with protestors with signs. "Leave the Surface for the Normals," "Down With Mutants.")

Nixon: It'll pass just like Watergate.

(Cut to another part of the White House and we see a dark stranger and he has a trench coat and cap. He is stopped by a security guard.)

Guard: Hey, you aren't allowed to wander off from the tour on Wednesdays.

(We see a up close view of the stranger's face and he has a familiar mustache and then we see a tail. The guard is shocked, but one blink, and the stranger is gone leaving his trench coat behind. The guard contacts the rest of the guards and the alarm sounds off. We find out the stranger looks like Scruffy, only he's blue with three fingers on each hand and two toes on each foot and has a tail. Cut to the Oval Office and the guards seal the room and crowd around the president.)

Nixon: What's happening? Has the ghost of JFK come back, again?

Guard: No, sir.

(Suddenly, Scruffy appears and disappears before the guards can shoot him with the lasers. Scruffy reappears and grabs one of the guards and disappears. Cut to the door of the women's restroom.)

Woman: Ah! What are you doing in here?

Man: I'm sorry, I don't know how I...(He gets slapped. Cut back to the Oval Office and Scruffy grabs another guard and that guard ends up in a tree. Scruffy is able to grab and transport all the guards out of the Oval Office until Nixon remains. Scruffy grabs Nixon's head.)

Nixon: Please, don't hurt me. Whatever you want, I'll it for you: money, women, your own national holiday.

Scruffy: Scruffy has a message from all mutants. (Gives Nixon a slap. He then disappears. Next Scene. Planet Express, we see Benderine on the couch with Wonder Boy –Fry for those you haven't read the comic–who has a can of beer.)

Wonder Boy: Hey Benderine, can you open this bottle of beer for me?

Benderine: Sure. (Releases one of his claws and opens the bottle, but drinks it himself.)

Wonder Boy: Aw...Thanks. (Just then Professor F's Telepathic Projection Appears.)

Professor F: Benderine and Wonder Boy please come to the conference room.

(Cut to the conference room and we see Professor, Amy, Leela, Bender, Hermes, Fry and Zoidberg. They are viewing the hologram for a news report.)

Linda: (on the hologram) recapping our top story, mutants have attacked the White House and one slapped President Nixon.

Morbo: Morbo, is outraged that these mutants would try to hurt Morbo's good friend Nixon and not any of the vermin Morbo hates. (Linda laughs. Professor turns off the hologram.)

Professor F: They all think it was a group of mutants, but I believe it was just the work of one. So, we need to find this mutant and talk to him. President Nixon was a strong supporter of Mutants on the Surface, but now that may have changed.

Uniclops: Professor, what do we do? (Labarbara enters.)

Labarbara: Professor F, Weather Mon, the kids have been acting up again.

Weather Mon: What have they done this time? (The kids enter.)

Dwight: Hey dad, I've figured out the perfect nickname. (He has ice power and shoots ice from his hands.) I'm Cool Kid.

Cubert: That is not as cool as mine. (Has a lighter and controls the fire.) I'm Flamer.

Professor F: That's enough out of both of you, we've got worst things to worry about. I'll have to go to Washington to talk to the President. Uniclops, you come with me. Weather Mon you and Wonder Boy go find this mutant. The rest of you will watch over the kids.

Lobstrocity: Hurray, a sleep over. (Cut to the White House. Nixon is talking to Dr. Wernstrum.)

Nixon: So there you have it, Dr. Wernstrum, can you destroy all the mutants?

Wernstrum: Why, yes I can. In addition to my robot army, I have a secret fortress that is located in a the middle of nowhere.

Nixon: You mean, the Canadian Mountains?

Wernstrum: Yes. (Morgan Proctor enters.) Ah, Mr Nixon, meet my associate, Ms. Morgan Proctor.

Nixon: Please to meet you. (Purrs.)

Morgan: Please, you didn't sign or stamp the proper forms to engage in flirting. I must tell you, either you fill out the proper forms, or I file a sexual harassment lawsuit.

Nixon: Go ahead, I'm used to getting off scot free. (Just then a guard enters.)

Guard: Sir, two mutants have come to talk to you. One is Professor F, head of the "School For Weirdos and Outcasts" in NNY.

Wernstrum: Farnsworth, so he's probably the ringleader of this attack. Send them in.

(They enter and are shocked to see Wernstrum.)

Professor F: Wernstrum!

Wernstrum: get them! (The robots come out of nowhere and place a helmet on Professor F. Uniclops tries to take out as many robots with her eye beam.)

Wernstrum: Morgan, get her!

Morgan: Alright, but I'll have to fill out the proper form for hench work later. (She jumps in and kicks Leela, knocking her down and injects a needle of serum.)

Wernstrum: Ah Professor F, no use in trying to telepath your way out of this, that helmet is blocking your mind with radio waves.

Professor: I'm listening to ‘N Sync, you monster.

(Cut to a church and Fry and Hermes enter. They look around and they sense someone in the chapel.)

Wonder Boy: Hello, is anybody home?

Voice: Go Away!

Weather Mon: Who's there?

Voice: None of your business!

Weather Mon: Alright, if he won't come out willingly then I just use...(Uses his powers.) Windy City Wind Power. (It gets so windy that Scruffy falls from where he was hiding and hits the ground.)

Scruffy: Leave Scruffy alone.

Wonder Boy: Wow, you are blue. (Scruffy teleports to another part of the chapel.)

Weather Mon: Sweet Nightcrawler from Frostbite Falla, he can teleport! No wonder the news said there were many mutants. (Scruffy teleports back on the ground and we see he has all these tattoos.)

Wonder Boy: What's with the tattoos? Do they mean something?

Scruffy: No, Scruffy just likes body art.

(Cut to PE Building, Benderine is on the couch with Flamer and Cool Kid. Benderine has a beer and cigar.)

Benderine: Cool Kid, would you mind? (Cool Kid cools his beer.) Now, Flamer can you? (Flamer uses his lighter and creates a huge ball of fire that lights Benderine's cigar. However, before his can take a puff, they are invaded by Wernstrum's robots. The three race off the couch and head to the secret escape door. A few robots block their path and Benderine pulls out his claws and slices them.)

Robot: Man, and I've just got waxed.

(Cool Kid manages to freeze a few robots and they can't move. Flamer, using his lighter sets fire to a few robots and they run around screaming. Cut to a scene where Labarbara is confronted by a few robots.)

Robot1: Freeze!

Labarbara: that is what my son does, but I be doing this...(She then morphs into a huge metal verison of herself and smashing into the two robots and he breaks down part of the wall. Cut to a room with Amy and she is confronted by a few robots.)

Rogue: Stand back, or I'll touch all of you. (Takes off her glove and the robots just look confused. She manages to touch all of them causing them to shut down.)

Rogue: Man, I have a huge thirst for beer and robot porn.

(Cut to a part of the PE building where our mutant heroes all meet up. Benderine with the help of his claws has made his way to the door. He opens it and lets Flamer and Cool Kid go in, and then Rogue and Colossal Wife arrive and they pass Benderine. Lobstrocity shows up and Benderine just feels mad as though he wished Lobstrocity was captured.)

Cool Kid: Benderine, come with us!

Benderine: No! I'm going to deal this intruders, because I'm missing my favorite show. (Two robots arrive. Benderine shuts the escape door quickly, the robots approach him and fire. Benderine has a few dents on himself, but he manages to slice the two robots to bits. Benderine's dents suddenly disappear thanks to his power to reboot so quickly. Then a bunch of robots appear and are about to fire when...)

Voice: No, cease fire. (The voice is Wernstrum.) Don't hurt Benderine.

Benderine: How do you know me?

Wernstrum: What's the matter, don't remember me? It was a long time ago, but I think you can remember your creator. (Benderine gasps, as a wall of ice forms between him and the robots. Cool Kid had return to help Benderine.)

Cool Kid: Come on, Benderine, let's go! My mom said she'd ground if I made another wall of ice.

(Benderine getting to his sense races to the secret door and shuts it behind him. Cut to them escaping in a hover car and they make out okay. Cut to Fry and Hermes taking Scruffy back to PE in the PE ship.)

Wonder Boy: We should give you a name that best suits your power, I know mine does. How about Teleporting Man?

Scruffy: Scruffy likes that indeed.

Wonder Boy: Alright, first Flamer and now Teleporting Man, I'm good at this naming thing.

Weather Mon: So, tell us Teleporting Man, why did you attack the President?

TM: TM is not sure why, one moment TM was visiting Canada and the next he's in Washington and I have this in the back of my head and all I can remember is listening to ‘N Sync. (Shows a wound, as though he's had a shot. Weather Mon and Wonder Boy looked disgusted when TM said ‘N Sync.)

WM: This does seem odd. (The ship beeps.) Hold on, I've got a message.

(Cut to the ship landing on a highway and picking up Benderine and company.)

Benderine: It is good that you got my message. But whose this guy? (Points to Scruffy.)

TM: Scruffy, but you can call me Teleporting Man.

WM: I can't believe that PE would be attacked.

Voice: Believe it. (Pan to a dark figure and it is Momneto. Everyone gasps and prepares to fight.)

Momneto: Relax, you sacks of monkey crap. I'm not here to fight, I'm here to help.

Benderine: Why should we trust you?

Momneto: Because, I can help you remember about what happened to you Benderine.

(Benderine gasps. Cut to all of them in the ship.)

Momneto: When I was running Momcorp, I hired Dr. Wernstrum to build me the perfect robot, and he did. Benderine you were built and for some reason you had the power to reboot faster than any robot. That gave Wernstrum the idea to coat you with Titanasteelorium. (Benderine looks at his claws and starts to remember.) However, Wernstrum wanted to use you to destroy all mutants and you managed to escape from him, but it was during when he was upgrading you. Since you escaped in the middle of the upgrade it caused you to have memory loss.

Rogue: Why would Dr. Wernstrum want to destroy all mutants, if he worked for you?

Momneto: Well once I became a mutant, I fired him and he vowed to get even with all mutants and I'm afraid he has by developing a serum that makes mutants do whatever he wants. Our blue gentleman over here should know.

Benderine: So, Wernstrum was behind the attack on the President?

Momneto: Yes, and he now has Professor F and Uniclops imprisoned in his secret hideout in Canada.

WB: He has Uniclops, oh now it is personal.

Momneto: Then it is agreed we all have to band together in fighting an even more evil enemy than me. Wernstrum has a device that will mark the end of all mutants and we must stop him before it is too late.

(Cut to Canada and Wernstrum and Morgan is with the Professor.)

Wernstrum: Well Farnsworth, I have a special surprise for you, you are going to help me destroy all mutants at once.

Professor: I'll never help you. (Morgan feels faint.)

Morgan: I'm feeling a bit more independent right now.

Wernstrum: Oops. (Grabs her and injects a serum in the back of her head.)

Morgan: Now, I feel obedient again.

Professor F: So, you are responsible in the slapping of the President, you are using mutants to do your dirty work.

Wernstrum: Please, Farnsworth, we all know you and your mutants are freaks that will destroy the Earth. You all should be driven right back in the sewers, but since you can legally be on the surface I'll have to take certain measures.

Professor F: Like what?

Wernstrum: Behold. (Show him a machine with chair and helmet attachments.) These device will allow me to kill all mutants at once. I'll hook you up to the machine and it will be set to locate all the mutants and I'll use the radio waves to scramble their minds.

Professor F: You mean they are all going to listen to ‘N Sync?

Wernstrum: Yes, only the frequency will be so big they'll die of torture.

Professor F: You monster! (Morgan hooks, Professor F to the chair and then the alarm sounds off.)

Robot: (on radio.) Sir, we have mutants in the building.

Wernstrum: No matter. (Sets the controls.) I've set the machine on a timer, it will start in 15 minutes. Come on Morgan.

Morgan: I've already fill out the proper papers in abandoning secret hideout.

(They leave Professor F. Cut to the mutants entering and they start cleaning house of all the robots. Momneto and Benderine manage to go off on their own. Benderine bumps into a room and it looks familiar to him.)

Benderine: Wait a minute, this is the place where I was coated with Titanasteelorium.

Wernstrum: I'm glad you remember. (He appears with Morgan.) Funny thing, after you left, I had to find another subject to test the Titanastellorium and I found her. (Morgan lets her hair down and metal blades come out of the fingers.) This is Lady Stampstriker and she's filling out your death warrant. Take care of him, I must be leaving. (Wernstrum leaves as Benderine and Stampstriker are about to fight.)

Stampstriker: Mr. Benderine, it shall be a pleasure filling out you expiration form.

Benderine: Says you. (They start fighting blocking each others claws and Morgan makes a strike at Benderine, but his wounds heal. Benderine makes a strike on Morgan, but her wounds heal just as fast. Cut to PX men, they make their way fighting through the robots and Wonder Boy takes out of few of the robots with his power, but is shocked when he sees Uniclops.)

Wonder Boy: Uniclops!? Oh thank god, you are here? (But Uniclops fires at Wonder Boy, and starts zapping other PX members. Colossal Wife is unaffected by the beams, so Uniclops zaps the ground under her and Colossal wife falls. Cool Kid tries to put the freeze on Uniclops, but Uniclops' beams melt the ice before it can get to her and zaps cool kid. Flamer steps up and tries to use his lighter to create a big flame, but Uniclops zaps away his lighter.)

Flamer: Oh no, without my lighter, I can't use my powers. (Realizes something.) My powers suck.

(Teleporting Man tries to sneak up on Uniclops. He teleports right behind her, but Uniclops quickly turns around and zaps him. Cut to Benderine and Stampstriker still fighting, they make it over to where the Titanasteelorium is boiling and Benderine grabs one of the injection guns and stabs Stampstriker with it and she gets a large amount of Titanasteelorium.)

Stampstriker: Oh no, I'm getting more Titansteelorium than what is required. If you continue with this injection, I shall explode. (Benderine runs out on Stampstriker and she looks like the girl who ate the blue gum from Willy Wonka and Chocolate Factory. Cut to PX men and they are getting their butts kicked by Uniclops. Wonder Boy tries to reason with her.)

Wonder Boy: Uniclops please, why are you doing this? You'd never hurt us, we are your friends, especially me. I love you, Uniclops. (Uniclops tries to zap him, but he's able to use his mind power and tries to stop the beam, it creates a huge explosion and a bright flash. We see everybody down and Uniclops gets up and Wonder Boy walks over to her and hugs her.)

Wonder Boy: Oh Uniclops, I'm so glad you are okay.

Uniclops: Oh Wonder Boy, I'm so sorry, it was like I was overcome with rage. It was as if I was listening to ‘N Sync non-stop.

Weather Mon: has anyone seen Momneto?

(Cut to Momneto and she makes it to where Professor F is strapped, but it is too late. The machine starts and the radio waves start infecting the whole world. We see the PX men and Benderine suffering from having to listen to ‘N Sync, but Momneto is unaffected and using her powers smashes the machine and the suffering stops.)

Rogue: What happened?

Lobstrocity: I can't believe the horror, men sounding like women, it is torture.

Uniclops: I guess, someone saved us, we have to find Professor F. (They race to find the Professor F and they meet with Benderine.)

Benderine: We got to get out this place, it's going to...(Explosion occurs and the whole place is starting to crumble. Cut to Momneto and the Professor looks dazed.)

Momneto: Sorry Farnsworth, but I can't have you interfering with my plans anymore. Goodbye. (She leaves through the roof and PX men come in and unhook Professor F, but how are they going to escape in time. Teleporting Man starts teleporting members out and finally we have Uniclops and Wonder Boy left, but when Teleporting Man arrives to take them it is too late and the place crumbles. The PX men look on from the woods at the rubble and then a huge flame bursts out and Wonder Boy starts rising into the air and is carrying both Uniclops and Teleporting Man. They land safely and PX men are shocked.)

Rogue: Wonder Boy, how did you do that?

Wonder Boy: I don't know, I guess this was always within me or it could've been from that energy drink I drank this morning? (Just then the PX men view Wernstrum and he tried to leave in his ship, but it was damaged. The PX men grab him.)

Wernstrum: unhand me you filthy stinkin' mutants!

Uniclops: Well, Dr. Wernstrum, we are going to teach you a lesson in trying to destroy mutants.

(Cut to Wernstrum in a room going crazy to having to listen to ‘N Sync full blasted. Cut to the White House and Nixon thanks the PX men.)

Nixon: Thanks, Planetexpress Men. You've stop me from making a big mistake.

Uniclops: Well, I'm just glad mutants are allowed to live on the surface.

Professor F: I'm just glad that all you managed to work together and save me and you Wonder Boy proved to be just as good as anyone here.

Wonder Boy: thanks, Professor.

Nixon: Well it was lucky that the new law bans only one mutant to the sewers.

(Everyone cheers and we cut to a manhole in NNY and Lobstrocity is the mutant they were talking about. He tries to come to the surface, when the police stop him.)

Smitty: Alright, freak get back in the hole.

Lobstrocity: Why always with the brutality on Zoidberg? (Fade back to Bender finishing the story with a cigar.)

Bender: And that is what would happen.

Leela: That was terrible, I was hardly in the story, and you totally misunderstood my question. I meant what if my parents were allowed to live on the surface.

Bender: Yeah well, that story would be too mushy and I wanted to tell a story with non-stop pointless action.

Fry: Yeah, Leela, Bender's story was exciting especially since I had cool powers.

Leela: Well, the next time I want to waste money, I'll buy an MP3 player.

(Everyone agrees and they leave. Bender looks at the What if machine and we see that it just not plugged in.)

Bender: I knew unplugging it and putting a "out of order" sign on it would pay off. (Laughs and we pan to see that all this was a what if simulation and Bender had asked the question.)

Bender: Wow, so that is what would happen if I used the what if machine as a scam to make me some money? Well, I robot can dream, can he? A robot can dream. (Drinks a bottle of beer.)

 

THE END.


(This message is for X-men Lovers. My story is not a rip-off, but a parody, a satire of the movie itself. It would be like saying Scary Movie is a rip-off of Scream and that is just silly. Scary Movie was meant to be funny, not scary, and my story was also meant to be funny and not as serious as X-men. I'm a big fan of X-men and I'd never rip-off anything. I've been parodying a whole bunch of movies - Matrix, Hulk, James Bond, etc - and I make them funny. Yeah, I know the comic wasn't exactly like the first X men movie. However, I make it obvious when I'm parodying something from pop culture. I just made it more funny, that is what I wanted to do. This is just like that episode of Futurama where they did a satire of the Wizard of Oz. They used the same plot but made it funny, but like that episode, I made a few changes. If you are a big fan of X-men, and this story offended you, I'm sorry, it wasn't intentional. I'm also sorry that you didn't get the joke, because I must say many people did get the joke, based from previous reviews. Thank you for taking the time in reading my story, though.)

Buddies