Fan Fiction

Another Day at the Office
By CosmicF

As always, Fry and Bender are sitting in the planet express employee lounge watching the television and drinking beer. A scene all to familiar in the delivery company ready room as the other staff busy themselves about their daily routine, occasionally passing through the pairs field of vision and taking their own position on the couch, only to leave minutes later and get back to work.

The mindless silence that lay beneath the monotonous drone of daytime television was eventually broken as Bender checked his internal clock

Bender: Hey Fry!

Fry: yeah?

Bender:  Time for all my circuits, turn it over!

Fry sits motionless, as he continues to peer deeply into the HD TV screen

Fry: why? its just the weekly rerun, besides I’m kind of watching this

Fry eventually forces a glance up to his couch buddy and motions back to the television

Bender directs his gaze back to the set, and scratches his head

Bender: You know Fry, your human TV shows are beneath the attention of my mighty robot logic, they don't make any sense!

Fry’s response is delayed as he waits for commercial

Fry: really? How do you mean?

Bender stares blankly at the screen with his arms crossed in silence

Fry: Bender?

Bender: Oh I’m sorry are you talking to me? Because I thought you and your pal the television were going to go get a room.

Fry: Bender, you know it’s not like that between the television and me anymore. Tell me what’s on your mind. Something about human TV shows not making any sense!”

Bender seems to lighten up a little

Bender: Oh you got that right! Here’s an example... You know the movie "Grease"?

Fry: Yeah?

Bender: Why would a movie called "Grease", be set in the heart of small town America?

Fry (eyes narrow): Hmm, ok. Where would you set it? Athens?

Bender: No!

He shouts sounding outraged

Bender: That has singularly got to be the least logical thing you have ever said meat bag.

Pulling himself up out of the couch, Bender climbs to his feet and starts to rant.

Bender: Why would I set a movie called "Grease" in Greece, people would think the title was a spelling error.

Fry: OK... then where would you set it

Bender: The natural setting for a movie of that title would be a synthetic oil refinery in America’s industrial heart land. You can’t get much greasier than that outside of a fishy Joes Walrus burger!

Fry: Whoa back up there spam-bot. So you’re saying you'd base a romantic musical in a fuel refinery?

Bender: got it in one meat stick!

Fry: But wouldn't that just turn into a story about big, greasy workmen refining heavy hydrocarbons into their lighter constituents… uh… and stuff?

Bender (rubbing chin); hmm you may have a point hairball, and I’m not sure I’ve heard you say such long words before either!”

Bender frowns momentarily as he continues to spool data from his logic chip

Bender: What’s more surprising though is that you are technically correct!

Fry: Isn’t that the best kind?

Bender: Only if your one of those cold calculating bastards at the central bureaucracy…

Fry: What? Bureaucrats?

Bender: No, calculators! However, that doesn’t alter the fact that your point about refinery musicals makes my observation about “Grease” even more prevalent than even I, Bender, had realised.

Fry: What?! Big, greasy, workmen!? I didn't realise you were into that kind of thing Bender.

Bender: I’m not

Bender Jabs Fry in the chest

Bender: Bender don't bend that way protein shake, and don't you forget it!

Fry: Ow! Ok I got it already

Bender continues to jab Fry in the chest until Fry slaps his hand away

Fry: Cut it out!

Bender: awe

Fry: So what were you getting at Bender? Is it some kind of scam to steel dancer’s wallets? If so, I’m pretty sure those guys are flat broke.

Bender: No! Isn't it obvious? “Grease” is a musical, and as everyone knows, musicals are essentially chick flicks.

Fry: Uh… not really.

Bender: Whatever. The point is, most people who are into musical theatre generally have an interest in men!

Fry: err... I don’t think that’s strictly corr…

Clearly not listening, the robot continues, interrupting Fry mid sentence.

Bender (thinking out loud): It stands to reason that a musicals box office gross will increase proportionately with the number of men working themselves into a sweat on stage

Fry: uh, Bender! I think your confusing two very different kinds of movie...

Bender: Shut up sausage link, can’t you see I’m scheming here!

Bender rubs his chin as his robotic brain meticulously calculates every eventuality in microscopic detail

Bender: I can see the headlines now, “A true masterpiece”, “A triumph of function and form”, “Bender is great!”, and “Everybody Loves Bender!”

Fry: Uh Bender, I think you’ve misinterp…

Bender, still ignoring Fry, makes a zesty beeline for the exit.

Bender (storming out of room): Fare well skin tube! I'm off to produce the greatest musical of our age!

He stops in the door way and dramatically raises a hand over his head

Bender: And I shall not return until either my task is completed… or I get bored.

Fry: well OK Bender. I do have a question for you though.

Bender: Shoot.

Fry: What are you going to call it?

Bender: Grease 2 of course. So long chump, “Fame 2” and fortune await.

Bender turns and leaves the room

Fry (shouting after Bender): They already did!

Bender (OS): Grease 3!

Fry leans back into the couch, turns back to the screen and takes another swig from his beer.

Fry (to self): I'll give him until the end of commercial tops!

Bender (OS): Hey professor do you want to make an even bigger public spectacle of yourself than usual?

Farnsworth (OS): Uh wha…

Bender (OS): I said…. ah screw it!

Moments later Bender walks back in, then nonchalantly takes a seat back on the couch next to Fry.

Fry quietly smirks as he sits smugly, still watching the television.

Bender: Hey Fry…

Fry looks up from the television, still grinning

Fry: Yeah?

Bender: Bite my shiny metal ass!


Written By Steve Canniford (aka CosmicF)