Futurama

Fan Fiction

And a Hero Comes Along
By RockstarFee

When a new guard is hired at planet express, fry gets the hots for her... but leela on the other hand is not impressed at all. And jealousy soon takes her over. And rivalry begins between them

We see everyone gathered around the table at the planet express building. Everyone except Professor Farnsworth, who just soon after everyone has sat enters the room.

Farnsworth: Good news everyone!

Bender: here it comes... I bet it’s something like... You’re going on a mission to the kill planet in the kill zone or something like that crap

Farnsworth: You have all got a week off, starting today!

Everyone: HURRAY!

Everyone shouts loudly, and they all start dancing and celebrating

Zoidberg: hurray.. Im so happy

Farnsworth: But you won’t be getting paid

Everyone: what?!!!

They all start booing and throwing stuff at the professor

Zoidberg: im booing because my friends are

Leela: why arnt we being paid

Bender: yeah you pay me and fry for sitting on our asses all day... So what are we supposed to do without money for a week! I need booze and smokes man.

Farnsworth: because you arnt exactly going anywhere are you? So why should I waste my money on you if your not doing anything or your not going to some death planet

Leela: yeah but we need food and are basics

Bender: like booze and alcohol

Farnsworth: let me finish please, I have received a lot of complaints that most of the packages people receive are always badly damaged, and they are blaming the crew for not being safe, therefore I have hired a body guard!

All: A BODY WHAT?!

BEGINNING CREDITS

Leela: why the hell do we need a body guard? Where all fine on our own

Amy: but leela, everytime we go on a mission one of us ends up almost dying, or getting captured, or stung or eaten, or having several parts taken of us

Bender: yeah likes fry lower intestine

Fry: shut up bender, that was not funny

Bender: or his nose

Fry gives bender evils

Bender: what is not likes it going to happen, ahh screw this I cant be arsed sitting here and listening to you lot moan, I think it will be cool having a body guard, now Leela wont have to constantly look after fry, you will have nothing to worry about!

Leela: well I guess that’s a good point, but Im sure I can do my job and do the job of looking after fry aswell

Bender: yeah but it’s a body guard, they do everything for us, they can take us anywhere, get us anything we want… well will be treated like royalty!

Leela: yeah Ive been meaning to try my new karate moves on people. Alright

Farnsworth: good, im glad were all happy, I just need you to sign this contract to make sure that everyones happy, because know a lot of companies have at least one body guard to protect you on missions

Everyone signs in a mad rush... When everyone has signed, Hermes puts it into a tube which is unbreakable and put it into a shoot which sends it to the CB

Quickly he gets a reply with the new body’s guards licence.

Hermes: ahh that’s record time, know everyone will be safe on all the missions

Bender: so what I said before, the person will be like a butler?

Farnsworth: oh my no!... she will only be guarding you on missions only, I mean your not exactly in danger now

Leela: you just made me sign that! Whats the point If I cant beat up our own guard

Farnsworth: well technically you cant, because if you do then they can send you to prison for along time

Bender: how long

Farnsworth: ohh a few weeks, its basically assault

Leela: I can multi task all the time

Amy: but leela, your not always there for us, your always crying about how lonely you are or how crap your life is, or getting into a stress

Leela: do you have a stick of gum?

Amy: yeah, here you go

Leela: thanks I seriously needed this

Farnsworth: anyway our new body guard will be arriving in a week, so everyone just sit back and have fun while its lasts, think of this week as a vacation

The professor, Hermes, Amy, scruffy and zoidberg all walk off in separate ways, leaving bender, Leela and fry sitting at the table

Fry: cool a vacation, ive been saving up for one, I wonder where I should go…

Leela: fry it doesn’t mean literally go on a vacation, its means just hang around planet express for a week and do nothing, isn’t that what you’ve always wanted?

Fry: Ive always wanted something else but ive never got it

Fry looks at Leela in a sad way and then gets up and walks out

Leela: what was that all about?

Bender: isn’t it obvious you idiot... hes obviously giving up on you!

Leela: what do you mean giving up?

Bender: ughh obviously the amount of “no’s” you have said to him have heart broken him too much, therefore he no longer wants to keep on trying to go out with you

Leela: I don’t want him to do that!

Bender: why? I mean it’s not like your ever actually going to say yes

Leela: I was the next time he asked me out

Bender: please hunny, like you say that now but when he comes up to you and asks, you would make up a crappy lie and walk off

Leela: oh well, he probably would of bin wearing horrible clothes..

Bender: in case you havnt realised, he wears the same clothes everyday, we all do! Even you

Leela: no I don’t, I wear a different shade of white everyday

Bender: please don’t make me laugh, well I think you and fry would of bin good together, but you were too busy worrying about what would happen instead of what was happening.

Leela: why are you being so helpful? Or so inspiring

Bender: I have no idea. But its bin happening for ages, so im gonna find out

Bender gets up and walks out of the room leaving Leela on her own

The scene then skips to where bender and fry are at the apartment watching TV

HOURS LATER

Bender: fry whats up, you have barely even attempted to open your beer

Fry sighs and talks

Fry: for some strange reason I don’t really feel like drinking tonight, im just gonna go bed

Bender: oh fine, ill just have your beer.. I wont let it go to waste

Fry gets up and walks off to bed

Then suddenly there is a knock at the door.. bender gets up and walks to the door and looks through the spy hole and sees that its leela, hes tells her one minute and walks back to see fry

Bender: hay fry, leelas at the door, do you want me to tell her to get lost or do you want me to invite her in and let you get intimate with her

Fry: tell her to get lost, I don’t know why I bother with her, Ive tried so much to get her attention, ive bettered myself, become more mature and even gone gym a few times, theres just no point anymore

Bender: ok all I asked for was a few words, not some ending speech... jeez

Fry: sorry

Bender walks over to the door and opens it

Bender: look leela I don’t know how to say this but uhh… I don’t really want to hurt your feelings in anyway but

Leela: just say it, is fry alright?

Bender: well.. its just that he wants you to get lost

Leela: what?!

Bender: well im off to bed night

Bender closes the door on her and locks it, leela still talks though

Leela: bender, bender… BENDER! Come back and open the door

Bender ignores her, while a grumpy and really distressed leela walks off.

A WEEK LATER.

A week soon passes and at the planet express building, we see everyone sat down talking and wondering what there new guard is to be like, leela and fry are sat separate from each other and havnt talked to each other since the incidence at the apartment about a week ago

Leela: I bet the new guard will have one eye too, so I wont be on my own

Amy: nah two eyes are loads better, its make people look sexyier right people

All(except leela): totally

Leela gives them all an evil look

Leela: yeah but this isn’t fair, fry likes me with one eye right fry

Fry ignores her and continues talking to bender

Fry: so anyway bender, if this new person is a girl and shes hot then I have to have sex with her

Bender: yep

Fry: but what are you going to do because it is like a bet

Bender: ok.. nah I don’t have to be betted. You just give me $50 at the end of the week if you havnt had sex, but if you have and theres proof then I will give you $50 

Fry: it’s a bet

Bender: huh fry you will never do it

Fry: watch me

Bender: ok I will when u do it, it will be good for my porn site which is crap because all there is in naked pictures of Amy and Leela

Leela looks over with a suspicious look on her face, wondering what bender and fry are talking about, bender and fry continue shaking hands with evil looks in there eyes

The professor walks in with a girl about 5ft tall and with brown hair that stops half way down her back. She is wearing a red cheerleading top, a red and black cheerleading skirt, black and red stripy knee high socks, and white trainers

Professor: crew meet hazel colonel

Leela: where have I herd that second name before

Leela thinks hard and we see a numerous amount of flash backs until it stops at the flashback where we see the whole crew being introduced to mayor colonel of the underworld of Atlanta, where there are a lot of mermaids.

FLASHBACK

Colonel: Welcome to Atlanta. Folks round these parts call me the Colonel. [Bender hums Dueling Banjos.] Here, have some breathers, courtesy of our Chamber of Commerce.

[He hands them the same breathing gear Umbriel gave Fry earlier. They put them in.]

END FLASHBACK

Leela remembers it and has a surprised look on her face and gasps. She gets up and grabs Amy and walks off with her and quietly talks to her in the kitchen

Leela: do you know who that girl is?!

Amy: uhh... Splesh shes our new bodyguard

Leela: no her name you idiot!

Amy: oh... Weren’t you listening? Her name is hazel colonel.

Leela: exactly, now where have you heard that name before?

Amy: uhh don’t know.

Leela carries on explaining everything to amy, while Farnsworth talks about the new guard to the rest of them, but bender and fry have their own private chat.

Fry: what do you think leela and Amy are talking about?

Bender: maybe about the new guard, or the fact that you haven’t spoken to her in a week or girly stuff... Or leelas pregnant, yeah you get the picture

Fry: man I feel awful now

Bender: NO FRY. That’s what she wants you to think for doing it, so you will go to her and apologise and she knows she will win, but not this time, don’t give up

Fry: wow bender since when have you bin that helpful?

Bender: damn it, I hate it when that happens!

Fry: when what happens?

Bender: sometimes my brains feels sorry for my friends so it randomly takes control of me and helpful messages come out to that person. It makes me feel helpful, I hat being helpful. I went to the robot doctor and he told me

Fry: oh I see.

Back to leela and Amy still in the kitchen.

Amy: but leela, that could be any random person with the name colonel, presides when we saw colonel he only had one daughter not two.

Leela: well there’s always the possibility.

Amy: but she doesn’t even look mermaid and even if she was she can’t because she can’t just become full human after being a mermaid for long

Leela. Wait that’s it! What if she can turn into a human but can also be a mermaid in water

Amy: leela I think you should calm down and let it go, is this all because of you and fry?

Leela: NO DAMN IT, I wish everyone would mind there business about me and fry.

Amy: splesh, no need to go stress

Amy goes and sits back down at the table; leela however has some coffee and goes and joins them.

Professor: right, hazel you will be joining them on every delivery they go on, ok

Hazel: whatevah, so who have we got here.

Professor: well this is amy, zoidberg, bender, fry, hermes and leela, and im me obviously and your you.

hazel claps with sarcasm

hazel: well isn’t someone a clever boy

professor: oh why thanks, anyway im off know, hermes please tell them of there first delivery today

hazel: what?! A delivery on the first day, screw this im going to go watch all the my circuts

hazel gets up and walks off, waving her hands in the air with anger and shouting.. “no way … nope, no delivery on the first day I barley know this place!”

professor: the whole crew havnt bin on a delivery in a week and ive had others delivering for us, they need to get back into a routine

bender whispers to fry

bender: I think im going to like this new girl

fry: well keep your hands of her, shes mine

bender: you moron id never date a human

bender and fry both stand up

bender: and I carnt be arsed going somewhere deadly today, just send leela, amy and zoidberg

hermes: I cant because this journey is going to take 2 weeks, so amy cant go because she has her horse jumping competition, zoidberg is already going and so Is leela, we will need a cook, delivery person and the guard.

Hazel suddenly bursts in singing “power of love” by heuly Lewis

When she finishes everyone stops and appaulds because of how amazing she is at singing, everyone claps and whistles except leela, she looks over to fry and see’s him eyeing her from top to bottom

Leela: hazel can you even do any fighting moves? You look like a slut teen

Hazel: what’s the matter Leela? Jealous because I look better?

Leela gets up and storms off to the ship, hazel sits down at the table with fry.

Hermes: hazel that was brilliant, but you still have to go on the delivery

Hazel: I know, ive changed my mind, im going to go on, presides what else is there to do around here, in space I can annoy aliens and all that.

Fry: yeah you say it hazel!

Hazel: and you are?

Fry: Im fry, im not from around this time

Hazel: really how come?

Fry: I was accidentally frozen in the year 1999 and woke up in the year 3000, so know im technically 25000 years old, well cryogenically. Its pretty confusing but the professor is my great great great…

Fry starts counting uncle up to 30, a few seconds later he finishes saying the last uncle

Fry: uncle

Hazel: Wow, well isn’t that extraordinary… but cool im not from around here too, i come from a really deep, dark but amazing place. But im not aloud to speak of the place, it apparently brings bad luck

Fry: oh right

ON THE SHIP

Bender walks onto the ship and goes to his cabin and goes to sleep, fry shows hazel where she will be sleeping.

Fry: sorry, you’ll have to share with us but we’ve set up a hammock for you over there so don’t worry about it

Hazel: ahh I don’t mind sharing with boys, I can talk about stuff like sex, booze, smoking, stuff like that

Bender immediately wakes up

Bender: booze, Smoking, SEX!... you are the best guard weve never had!

Bender gets up and walks over to hazel, hugs her and starts crying

bender: you’ve made me the happyiest person alive

hazel looks at fry and her face shows a weird look on her

Fry: wow you actually talk and do all those things?

hazel: hell yeah I aint scared of a challenge, im not afraid to push the boundaries. Im a complete boy sometimes.

Bender: then how come your dressed likes a slutty cheerleader?

Hazel: the professor made me put this on because he wanted me to set a good example In front of you lot, but im going to keep it on, this way I can have sexy easily with anyone.

Leela walks past there room and stops and listens to what there saying

Fry: so hazel, your saying youll have sex with anyone?

Hazel: hell yeah.. any age, any place, any time!, thing is I carnt get pregnant until im 30 because the place I come from don’t really produce eggs like normal human females.

Bender: what are you talking about?!

Hazel: what im saying is that, I come from this planet but part of this planet no one has ever heard of

Outside leela is jotting down everything they are saying

Hazel continues

Hazel: no one has ever been there, its forbidden for most people to go there actually, it has been lost for years actually. I managed to escape from the place I wanted to be free from it. Well anyway. All females don’t produce eggs until 30 and all males don’t produce sperm until 30, And sex is legal to any age!

Bender/fry: cool

Fry: I so want to go there

Bender: yeah hazel take us there

Hazel: sorry, no I carnt there is not to be any outside humans in the area. They won’t live long.

Now let’s just try and get some sleep

Leela finishes and closes the note pad and walks off to the bridge. She takes the ship up into orbit and is soon on the way. She puts the ship onto automatic pilot and soon herself goes to bed.

She walks past zoidberg who is eating everything in the Fridge

Leela: ZOIDBERG STOP EATING ALL OF OUR FOOD

Zoidberg: wooop woop wooop but im soo hungry, you should understand

Leela: I do, but you can only eat small portions. Now get to bed.

Leela walks down the narrow corridor down to her room.

She hears no noise coming from frys room and she goes up to the door and opens it, she finds that there all asleep, so she shuts the door quietly and goes to her room and sits down in the corner and starts crying.

TO HERSELF.

Leela: why do I always do things the wrong way!

Now fry’s about to have sex with the new girl, she’s way hotter and loads cooler than me.

He’s clearly over me, I haven’t bin asked out in like a week know.

I’ve always bin alone I always wanted better than fry..

But now I know you shouldn’t change someone you care for.

I always wanted better from him, more mature, smarter, more organised but when he’s with hazel, he doesn’t need to.. I need to do something but what?

She continues crying for a while, her eye is now completely bloodshot from the tears.

She stops crying and stands up and says to her self

Leela: Im not going to let fry go out with that slut, fry is mine (out load) HES MINE!

Bender knocks on the wall with anger.

Bender: leela would you shut up, some people actually have to get up late in the morning!

Leela: sorry, wait… how do you know its morning!?! The sun isn’t even out

Bender: I know but im going to wake up when I feel like it meatbag

She smiles and lies down in her bed.

NEXT DAY.. WELL WHEN MOST ARE AWAKE

Fry and hazel are in there room talking about stuff, zoidberg, bender and leela are all on the bridge.

Leela: bender, wheres fry he should of bin up hours ago?, same with hazel

Bender: well if you think about it logically, we don’t actually need hazel at the moment, we only need her when were making the delivery, that’s technically when the trouble happens.. so she is not needed while were on the ship

Leela: yeah but what if we get attacked by space pirates or cows? Or zapp branigan.

Bender: why would zapp attack us?

Leela: lets just say I would be the one making the attack on him, and wheres fry, hes needed

Bender: for what?

Leela: uhh.. hmm.. well .. hes just needed

Bender: well since you have no good reason, he clearly isn’t needed, so they might aswell just stay in there room.

Leela: bender why are you being so helpful and smart

Bender: ahh damn it not again, my stupid brain

Leela: whats wrong wi...

Before Leela can finish bender interrupts

Bender: look leela im not explaining it, ive already explained it to fry I can’t be arsed explaining it again.

Zoidberg: woah to many explainings..

Leela: zoidbergs right for once, lets just all keep calm and not loose it

Zoidberg: not loose it, leela you’ve already lost it, all you ever seem to do is just stress about fry and all that

Leela: do you like lobster zoidberg?

Zoidberg gets the worried looks on his face and scuddles away quickly

Bender: leela are you sure your ok?

Leela: im fine bender

Bender: is this because you think fry and hazel are going to get intimate?

Leela: maybe bender, I just care for fry more… hazel just wants him for the sex… well fry has liked me more

Bender: leela, fry has given up on you because you would only go out with him if he was more mature and a lot smarter, you shouldn’t change someone you care for.

Leela: yeah I realise that now, but I just don’t think he should date hazel, shes too young

Bender: yeah but if he’s happy with her then that’s good isn’t it

Leela: there is a big age difference though, between me and fry there isn’t much of one.

Bender: age doenst matter leela. If you love or like someone, you should like them for who they are, not what you want them to become.

Leela: yeah I know bender

Leela and bender go quiet and don’t speak for along time. They just do there own thing. While leela steers the ship, bender smokes and drinks at the same time.

Back in frys room, hazel and fry are talking about their family

Fry: so tell me about you’re family?

Hazel: well my mum died before I was born, but I still had my dad, he was the mayor of the entire lost city.

Fry: lost city?

Hazel: that’s what a lot of people call it today, because barely anyone has herd of it or seen it.

Fry: oh carry on but… well if no one has herd of it, then why do people call it the lost city?

Hazel: because along time ago a lot of people did know about it, a lot of people used to live there but until the city became.. well like out of bounds because of too many people crowding it, it was banned from outsiders.

Fry: wow ive bet ive bin to that city.

Hazel: yeah maybe, a long time ago probably but I also have this sister, she’s older than me, really like weird really.

Fry: why is she weird?

Hazel: let’s just say shes no good when it comes to explaining things and having sex.

Fry: haha... How dumb.

Hazel: yeah I know, but they technically were the only family I had.

Fry: why did you leave the lost city?

Hazel: well because I didn’t like it, I wanted to be someone new, something else and be with other people. But my family and others didn’t like my thinking and thoughts of wanting to leave.

Fry: so what happened?

Hazel: lets just say im not technically human.

Fry: what you’re an alien?

Hazel: no, im a mythological creature.

Fry: oh.. are you a dragon? Unicorn? Fairy?

Hazel: no fry, im a mermaid.

Frys mouth opens wide with a shocked face.

Fry: so that means the lost city is…

Hazel: yep Atlanta

Fry: and your father and sister is…

Hazel: colonel and umbriel.

Fry: how did you manage to turn into a human.

Hazel: well when I was 6 I herd that all the merfolk used to be human until they became mermaids. But I wanted to be human, not mermaid.. there was barely anything I could do.

Fry: so…

Hazel: so I tried loads of different experiments to find a way to transform me back into a human, but when my sister found out what I was doing she told everyone. Everyone was disgusted in what I was doing, they were all saying “why would you want to be a human, its great being a mermaid!”… but I didn’t want to be, when my dad said that he never wanted to see me or speak to me again, that was my queue to leave forever, never to return. But before I left I left them a note saying…

FLASHBACK OF HAZEL WRITING NOTE ON HER DESK

Hazel:

“Dear dad and sister…

Im doing what you said I shouldn’t do,

I want to be human.

Being a mermaid sucks like hell

I hate everyone who fought being a mermaid is good.

Im going to live on the surface with humans and start a

New life.

Just like you, I no longer want to see you or speak to you

Ever again.

I am never returning to Atlanta.

Congratulations dad, you’ve lost your wife and now,

You’ve lost your daughter.

Hazel”

END FLASHBACK

Fry: wow. So are you like full human?

Hazel: no unfortunately, I instantly turn into a mermaid as soon as I touch water.

Fry: ok so we should keep you away from water

Hazel: yes, and fry please don’t tell anyone about me being a mermaid, they’ll all freak

Hazel grabs frys hand and holds it gently will a smile on her face, he smiles back

Back on the bridge, leela puts the ship on automatic pilot and goes to the toilet.

On her way she stops and listens to what hazel and fry are saying

Fry: Look hazel, I know ive only known you for two days now, but im think im starting to like you

Hazel: in what way?

Fry: well I think your really cute, and amazing, we kind of have a lot in common

Hazel: yeah we do totally, and I think im starting to like you too.

Leela turns around and starts crying slowly, she looks through the key hole and she see’s fry and hazel kissing madly, and soon they get into a deep kiss and … one thing leads to another.

Leela walks off to the bathroom and bursts out into tears.

Leela: Why?!! Why?!! He is supposed to be my boyfriend not hers.

A small angel of leela pops up on her left shoulder

Angel: Leela, you’ve got to talk to fry about your feelings for him, otherwise you are going to loose him. And he isn’t really going out with you. But otherwise he is soon to be your future boyfriend

Leela: how do you know?

Angel: I don’t, im just saying it to make you feel better.

Then a small devil of leela pops up on her right shoulder

Devil: leela don’t take this crap from that girl; expose her for what she truly is!

Leela: what?

Devil: you said yourself, you bet shes a mermaid, and mermaids come from water, why don’t you throw water on her or something like that

Leela: that’s crazy

Devil: crazy enough to work

Leela stares into the mirror for a few seconds and looks at the devil

Leela: you know, maybe your right im going to get back at this girl, am going to show her what im made of, and what happens when she steels my man.

Angel: but leela, im sure if you just talk to her and fry then you can sort things out

Leela: sorry angel, but I always do the good thing and it comes out wrong, so this time im going to do the bad and thing and this time it will come out right. Persides, I don’t think hazel likes me that much and fry has ignored me for like a whole week and a few days.

Leela kicks the angel of her shoulder, and walks out of the bathroom with the devil still on her shoulder.

TWO WEEKS LATER

The planet express ship returns back and everyone is gathered around the table.

Leela is in the kitchen, talking to the devil.

Leela: right so what should I do with this

Leela is holding a glass of water in her hand

Devil: how many times leela… just walk up to hazel and accidentally pour water

Leela: but…

Devil: look leela, do you want to expose her or not?

Leela: well I do but…

Devil: but what?!

Leela: but I don’t want everyone to think im jealous or im just like you know… I want everyone to think I like her not hate

Devil: just walk over there and trip over spilling water on her

Leela: fine

Leela walks over with the glass of water, and pretends to fall and chucks the water all over hazel.

Hazel gasps quickly, with her mouth wide open with shocked and scared look on her face

Hazel: OH MY GOD water.. oh my god, oh my god

Fry wispers to hazel quickly

Fry: hazel go get dry quickly before it happens

Hazel: it should of happened now!

Fry: go!

Hazel gets up and runs to the door but she is too late, leela gets up and tells everyone to look at whats happening to her.

Hazel quickly transforms Into a mermaid.

Hazel: well thanks a lot leela

Professor: eh gad! A mermaid. Remarkable.

All: oh my god… look at her

Amy: hazel where are you from? Are you from Atlanta? Like everyone else

Hazel: how do you know about Atlanta?

 Amy : Weve kinda bin there before, and fry even went out with your sister… but it didn’t go well when it came down to sex

Hazel: yeah well it is kinda impossible for a human to have sex with a fish…. Ahh I hate calling myself a fish

Hermes: but technically you are one

Hazel: I know but still I hate it, im half human and fish

Bender: but hazel, in mythology, mermaids were often called the gentle clowns of the sea

Hazel: that’s dolphins you moron.

Professor: dolphins don’t exsist anymore hazel

Hazel: they do in Atlanta

Amy: so you are from Atlanta and you’re dad is the colonel?

Hazel: yes I am from Atlanta and my dad is colonel and my annoying sister is umbriel, can some one get me some towels please?

Hermes hands hazel a couple of towels to dry herself off, she soon transforms back into a human.

Hazel: ahh good. Back to normal

Leela: I fought being a mermaid is your normal

Hazel: no don’t you get it, I don’t want to be a mermaid, I tried to make a chemical to turn me into a human, but im only half human.

Professor: well I can turn you into full human if you want

Hazel: no thanks doc, I think id rather be tested than be fully humanized by you

Professor: crazy kid. They’ll never learn

Amy: hazel the professors inventions always work, right everyone

Leela: if hazel goes human, then that means she can be with fry forever, I need to stop her from going human, fry might not want to be with her if she stays as a mermaid, fry wants kids as I remember, if she goes human, she can have kids but if she stays mermaid she can only have kids at 30.

Leela: hazel, being human isn’t all that good, you can have sex for ages without having kids. Like you said, you don’t produce eggs until you’re 30

Hazel: wait how do you know about that

Leela: well.. I .. uhh.. looked on the internet

Hazel: but it doesn’t say anything about that on the internet, the internet is just full of porn and sex chats know. Theres nothing about mythological creatures

Leela: oh wait… did I say internet I meant library book

Leela starts to walk backwards towards the door and starts to get worried

Hazel: you were listening to my conversation with bender and fry. You little sneak

Hazel drop kicks leela on the floor and starts punching her madly until she starts bleeding

Leela gets up, bleeding from her nose and mouth

Leela: well who do you think you are trying to steel my man

Hazel: you man?! From what I hear, he asked you out laods and all you cared about was your needs instead of his!

Leela: Ive liked him longer than you have. I loved him for a period of time

Hazel: you’ve had your chance… you should have asked him out when you loved him then instead of rejecting him, everytime you did, It made him feel down all the time

Fry: wow women fighting over me… this is great

Bender: fry this is serious one of them might get hurt

Fry: Bender!!

Bender: oh right sorry, brain moment.

Back to the fight

Leela: the time wasn’t right

Hazel: no It wasn’t, im happy with fry. I actually love him

Amy: girls stop fighting… don’t fight over men

Leela: amy stay out of this.

Hazel: LEELA.. admit it, your jealous, you only want fry… you only want to go out with him because I am

Leela: that’s not true I want him because I actually have feelings for him, hes my age… you’re 16 you should go out with men your age… not in his 20’s!

Hazel: ohh leela how pittifull… trying to get me to change my mind… AGE DOENST MATTER ANYMORE, I SHOULD KNOW… Im a mermaid… I was awarded the hottest and sexiest mermaid award in the world. Why would fry want to be with you anyway one eye

leela falls to the floor, crying her eyes out

 hazel looks at leela, and brings up a sad face at her, she turns around

and walks up to fry and drags him with her

hazel: fry, I think we should break up

fry: what?!... are you doing this for leela? You just hated her and now your trying to help her! Some girl you are and we were barely even going out, I want to be with you

Hazel: fry, no girl in there right mind would just fall to the floor and burst out into tears like that, she clearly likes you

Fry: but im over her, I want you she might just be doing that for show! How do you know

Hazel: your not over her… I might like sex and booze and smoking but Im also a girl… I know what other girls are like with men

Fry: I do seriously like you

Hazel: fry, I think you should know this but… fry when we were having sex you called me leela four times.

Fry: what?

Hazel: you called me leela. Four times. It just shows that you’re not over her so go to her

Fry: but… im… how… fry gives up and admits the truth

 you’re right as always. Im not over her.. I was a fool to do all this to her.

I Guess I wanted to be with you so I could make her jealous.

 Im such and idiot

Hazel: your not an idiot, you just don’t know what to do with most of your life, so got to leela

Fry runs over to leela and sits down next to her

Fry: leela im sorry for ignoring you for the past 3 weeks, I didn’t mean to, I was just so depressed about the fact that all you did was turn me down

Leela: fry im so sorry, I guess I was just too scared to admit it, i want to give it another try

Fry and leela look at each other eye to eye

Fry: leela

Leela: yes

Fry: will you definitely…

Leela: yes..?

Fry: will you definitely go out with me?

Leela: no

Fry: huh?!

Leela: fry think about it, you just broke up with hazel and put me through all that trouble and pain! How can I cope any longer alone I need someone!

Fry: oh I see. WHAT?! Leela please make sense…

Leela: of course im going to go out with you

Leela moves over to hug fry and gives him a loving kiss.

Fry: you gave me a shock there leela.

Leela: sorry, it was just a tiny bit of revenge

They both stand and walk over to hazel

Leela: sorry hazel for giving you trouble, I hope we can be mates

Hazel: sure, and fry seriously you do good sex.

Leela: hay he’s my sex friend now so don’t get any ideas!

Hazel: I know but fry seriously I couldn’t go out with you anyway, your like 27 or something and im like 16 plus im a mermaid.

Fry: yeah I know but I seriously I did like you, but I guess it was just impulse.

Leela: yeah I bet it was, well it better have of bin.

Hazel: And everyone you must keep it a secret about me being a mermaid. Because if anyone finds out, that’s It, I will be a science guinea pig alright

Professor: oh and that just reminds me, mind if I do some tests? I would like to be a mermaid myself you know!

Amy: yeah I want to be a mermaid too, I bet it will be hip and cool!

bender: I could be a robotic mermaid!

All: yeahh it would be awesome

Hazel gets the worried look on her face and stops them

Hazel: wait!!... you cant all be mermaids, its really difficulty, it means like everytime you touch water or come into contact with water you will instantly be a mermaid

Amy: I always avoid water and all that

Hazel: but it means like when you sweat or things like that you will turn into a mermaid… you can use certain things or you will turn into a mermaid

Amy: what like nail varnish and make up

Hazel: exactly!

Amy: ok I think I can like without being a mermaid… I like my water

All: yeah same here

Hazel: good. I think im going to enjoy it here. RIGHT GANG!

All: right!

It zoom’s out of the planet express building

END CREDITS.

Buddies