Comic Transcripts

Comic #38: Rumble In The Jungle
Transcribed by dinkdrinker







LEELA: (Standing on the bridge) Fry! Swab the cargo hold! Bender! Prepare a navigation chart!

FRY/BENDER: (salutes) Ma'am, yes Ma'am! (next we see them sitting down- Bender chugging directly from a keg, and Fry playing a hand held game)

FRY: Come on, you dumb hedgehog, get those rings or you can't survive the lava pit! I don't wanna loose you the same way I did Crash, Lara, and Mario!

LEELA: What are you doing? You were all 'YES MA'AM' a second ago!

BENDER: (wiping off his face) We had a bet going to see who could be the best crew member longest.

FRY: But it got boring after about twenty seconds, so now I'm back to trying to beat my high score!


LEELA: (pissed off) You know, I'm sick of the LACK OF RESPECT you two show me as Captain!

BENDER: (rolls his eyes) FINE! I'll use a keg coaster... Okay!?

FRY: Leela, you're our FRIEND, so it's tough to treat you like our BOSS.

LEELA: (notices a planet rapidly approaching) Fry! Hit the AUTOPILOT BUTTON! Hit it NOW!

FRY: (sitting in the pilot's seat w/ his back toward the planet) You said you'd trust me to drive the ship, so I could earn some points on my space learner's permit...

LEELA: (the planet now fills up the view of the front window) We're about to CRASH into that PLANET!

BENDER: Man, she's just not hearing you!

P.E. SHIP: Warning! Breaching planetary atmosphere at unstoppable speed! Prepare for crash and make peace with your deity of choice!

BENDER: You could learn a lot from EMERGENCY VOICE! She's always calm, even when we're boned!

LEELA: Fine. But would it be okay if we all yelled in panic right now?

FRY: Sure.

BENDER: Okay by me.



BENDER: On the bright side, this gives me a chance to test out this all lead parachute made out of toys I stole from children. Who wants to try it out with me?

LEELA: Pass.

FRY: I'm good, thanks.

BENDER: (jumps out) Suit yourselves, chumps! (Bender pops the lead 'parachute' and the opposite of the desired effect takes place. He plummets to the surface, lead canopy first) Hey, where's the ground go?


Leela is walking through a lush jungle, looking for Fry and Bender.

LEELA: That ship is coming out of Fry's and Bender's salary, not mine! I'd better use my wrist thingee to find my coordinates and send out an S.O.S.! (goes to punch in coordinates, when a cyber-leopard claws it and destroys it) Okay, now I'm angry! The warranty for that just expired last week! (the Cyber-leopard growls and attacks. Leela kicks it and proceeds to kill it in self defense) HI-YAA!

NERD: (runs out from behind a bush) Oh, THANK YOU great warrior! You have saved us from the dreaded LEOPARD 3.0!

LEELA: Great warrior? You mean ME?

NERD: (brings her to a clearing where a bunch of nerds are on computers) we are a simple jungle tech people, and you have saved our village! We weren't compatible with that leopard at all!

LEELA: (looks at the computers) You're still on dial up? Wow, you really ARE primitive!

NERD: The prophecies said a great hero would fall from the sky and lead us to a GOLDEN AGE!

LEELA: And that's ME?

NERD: Well, the prophecy said you'd be a super intelligent starfish, but we're flexible. So... will YOU be our Queen?


FRY: -Wheeze!- Getting round in a jungle is hard work! Guns N' Roses made it seem like it'd be fun and games! (Fry starts hallucinating, and sees the Microsoft paperclip, Clippy)

CLIPPY: You look like you're trying to survive in a jungle. Need help?

FRY: Who are YOU?

CLIPPY: A hallucination brought on by heat and exhaustion! You don't look like you're going to last long out here!

FRY: And you can help me stay alive?

CLIPPY: No, but I CAN help you write your will! What font would you like? I suggest HELVETICA!

FRY: (waving his arms at the hallucination) Get outta here you! I'm gonna be fine. That's one thing Leela, Bender, and me have in common we're all... (comes into a small clearing where he sees Bender, stripped bare. He is an empty casing) ...survivors. (runs over to Bender) Get off of him you computer bugs! (brushes little metallic 'bugs' away) Bender, quit kidding around! It's ME, Fry! Wake up! BENDER!? Bender... (starts to cry) -Sob!- (he picks up Bender's casing and holds it in his arms, and notices an envelope come out from within the casing) Huh? (The envelope says on it ' To be opened in case of my death'. Opening the envelope, there is a letter that says: AVENGE ME!! Sincerely, Bender XXXOOO') You got it, buddy! I'm gonna get whoever did this to you and make them pay! And until then you're not leaving my side! (picks up Bender's casing and starts dragging him through the jungle) -Grunt!- -Wheeze!- Are you sure you don't have any hidden wheels that pop out?


NERD: The Queen has returned!

LEELA: It's okay. I got rid of the Firefox! It won't bother you again!


LEELA: But my clothes are RUINED!

NERD: (holding up a leopard skin bikini) We took the liberty of making you an outfit from the Leopard 3.0 you defeated!

LEELA: (takes the bikini) That's a bit morbid!

NERD: (shrugs) We recycle everything.

LEELA: Well, if it's environmentally friendly...


LEELA: (she is wearing the leopard skin bikini) What do you think?

NERDS: (Sweating, staring slack jawed) Looks... good.

LEELA: Say, has anyone seen the two friends of mine I was telling you about?

NERD: Nope... nothing so far... sorry.


FRY: (trying to carry Bender's casing on his back) Don't worry, Bender! I'll try and find help! This is where you say 'Do or do NOT. There IS no try!' You know, like Yoda. Except Yoda wasn't hollowed out. Wait he was a puppet, so TECHNICALLY he was. (slips on a bottle) WHOOOAH! A malt liquor bottle! And Bender, it's your brand! (looks ahead) A racing form, fighting roosters, my wallet... this is all YOUR STUFF. We can follow the trail to whoever did this to you! (Fry walks into a clearing where two nerds are sleeping off Bender's malt liquor, and there is a box between them labeled 'ROBOT PARTS') Those must be the guys we're looking for. They're passed out from your booze! And there's a box of robot parts. I'll bet there's some of YOU in there! (grabs the box and quietly tries to escape) Got it! Now as long as we make absolutely no noise! (the box bottom gives out, and it empties itself with a loud 'smash!', waking the nerds)

RED HAIRED NERD: An intruder!

GOATEED NERD: Quick! Let us summon help on our cell phones! (the nerds start to feverishly pound their phones on tribal 'talking' drums)


LEELA: (seen choking what looks like a cross between a tiger and a velociraptor) Not so tough when you can't breathe, huh? (The furry striped dinosaur collapses) -Gasp!- -Wheeze!-

56K-ZAR- Sorry about that!

LEELA: Who are you?

56K-ZAR: (looks like a blonde Tarzan type) 56K-Zar! King of the lost savage world just over the mountains! This big fella escaped from out petting zoo!

LEELA: So, you're a King, huh?

56K-ZAR: Yes, and one day I hope to find the right Queen!

LEELA: (flirting) Well... there seems to be some sparks between the two of us.

56K-ZAR: Yes, it looks like a small electrical fire! (a computer monitor is engulfed in flames) Well, I really should be getting Mittens here back to the zoo! Can I e-mail you sometime?

LEELA: (trying to put the fire out) Sure! I'm on Spacebook under LEELA THE JUNGLE QUEEN!


FRY: (running into a cave) They'll never find us in this cave, Bender!

NERD: This way! I heard him say he was heading into that cave!

FRY: NUTS! Gotta stop saying all my thoughts out loud! (looks around) We're trapped! (looks at Bender's body) Unless...

(We see Fry grab Bender's legs and hear 'Who?' Then he grabs his body and head and hear 'WHO?'. Once again, we see Fry grab Bender's legs and hear 'WHO!?')

FRY: (dressed in Bender's Body) Get outta here, you owls! IRON FRY LIVES! He walks! And he conquers!

NERD: (runs into the cave) There he is! GET him! (swings at Fry) OW! It hurts to punch him!

NERD IN SUIT: Kicking's not so great, either!

FRY: (swings his/Bender's arms, and nerds fly everywhere) Now that I'm ASSEMBLED, it's time for AVENGING!


NERD: Run away!

FRY: Take apart MY PAL, will ya?

NERD: (runs up to Leela) My Queen! My Queen! HELP!

LEELA: -Sigh- I wonder if other Queens need to kick this much ass in a day. (sees Fry enter the village) Fry?

FRY: Leela?

LEELA: Is that BENDER you're wearing?

NERD: (cowering behind Leela) He's gone mad from the jungle heat, my Queen. He must have killed and skinned your friend!

FRY: Wait a minute! You're their Queen? You're THE LEADER of the ones who did this to Bender?

LEELA: I'm sorry, Fry. You've gone crazy, and I have to stop you!

FRY: Nothing's gonna stop me from giving those guys what's coming to them! Not even YOU!

LEELA: (kicks Fry) Hi-YAA!

FRY: Quit it! That makes my fillings hurt! (Bender's arm extends and wraps itself around Leela, trapping her) Hey, I didn't know I could do this! (pulls the arm back in, sending Leela spinning away like a top, knocking over nerds everywhere) And they retract, too. COOL!

LEELA: (spinning away) WHOOOOOAH!

FRY: Now, who wants the first beating?

LEELA: (swoops down on a vine, grabbing Fry) Gotcha!


LEELA: I'm not going to let you hurt my people!

FRY: So, you care about THEM more than BENDER AND ME! (pulls out Leela's hair scrunchie)

LEELA: My hair band! (her hair goes flying everywhere) I'm BLIND!

FRY: I'm sorry, Leela. I really am!

NERD: Please, Sir. We beg you. Show mercy!

FRY: Like you showed my best friend, Bender B. Rodriguez?

BENDER: (inside a computer) Yeah, you tell him!

FRY: Not now, Bender! BENDER!?

BENDER: Yeah, it's me. Some jerks put my motherboard into this computer when I crashed. They've got me doing SPREAD SHEETS!

LEELA: Is this TRUE?

NERD: Well... that is... um...

BENDER: They don't even go to dirty websites! I haven't been this bored since that time I asked Fry how his day went!

NERD: (cowering) FINE! I admit it! We saw your ship crash and gutted your robot for parts! It's just our computers are so slow. We can't even play solitaire!

LEELA: Put Bender back like he was! Your Queen demands it!

NERD: (salutes) Yes, your Majesty!


LEELA: How do you feel?

BENDER: (looks disgusted) Not bad. The arms and legs are a bit stretched, and it's gonna take a long time to get that FRY SMELL out!

NERD: Okay, we found and repaired your spaceship. Sorry again for tricking you into a fight to the death!

FRY: It happens more often than you think! Well, everything's back to normal. Time to head home! Leela?

LEELA: I'm not going back.


LEELA: I know it's a simple life. All they do is use their computers to ship books and movies from this amazon rainforest. But they listen to me as their leader. They RESPECT me.

FRY: Well, if you're staying... than so am I.

LEELA: Fry, you don't have to...

BENDER: (hugging Fry and Leela) And I am, too!

LEELA: Bender? But why?

BENDER: You're both doing it, and I'm very susceptible to peer pressure! You guys think it's cool that I smoke, right? (lights up)

LEELA: Fine.

FRY: You know, this is going to be fun! All of us living as jungle Kings and Queens! I'm going to call myself FRYZAN!

BENDER: And I'm going to call myself... ( a huge tank with saws comes in, clear cutting trees)

FRY: (ducking) YAH!

LEELA: (running) GAH!

BENDER: (running) AAH!

MOM: (comes out of the tank with her sons) Okay you pus buckets, get off my planet!

LEELA: YOUR planet?

MOM: That's right! I bought controlling shares in the Amazon Forest Shipping Corporation. We're clear-cutting the planet and turning it into a slaughterworld for discount meat!

NERD: (sees Larry and Igner taking away the computers) No, don't take our computers! They're all we have!

MOM: Don't worry! You'll all get jobs in my sweatshop on Mercury!

NERD: What will we make there?

MOM: SWEAT! Don't worry though... at four hundred degrees Celsius, it pretty much makes itself!

FRY: (now leaving the planet with Bender and Leela) That Mom makes me so mad! Hey, why aren't the two of YOU angry?

BENDER: (relaxing) Because before we left, Captain Leela gave me an order.

LEELA: And for once Bender actually OBEYED it. (points to a monitor, showing inside Mom's ship) I had Bender put a camera in Mom's ship.

LARRY: (on the monitor- getting slapped) Ow! What was that for?

MOM: (on the monitor) For forgetting it's your birthday!

FRY: And?

LEELA: And I also had him put all the animals I captured as Queen in the cargo hold. Then I had Bender undo the lock.

MOM: (on the monitor) AAAAAH! Crap in a hat! What the...!? (Mom, Walt, Larry, and Igner are attacked by a leopard, fox and penguin)

LEELA: Fry, send a copy of this to the Fox Interstellar Broadcasting Network. Pitch it as a new reality show, 'When Animals Attack MOM!'

FRY: (salutes) MA'AM, yes MA'AM.