Match 8: Morbo vs. Elzar
MORBO'S WEAPON OF CHOICE: A karaoke mic
ELZAR'S WEAPON OF CHOICE: his spice weasel
Before I make a loud gong noise, I just have to thank JTWeasel, the coffee
boy, for this idea (he came up with the weapons, too). I'd also like to thank
him for being the spice weasel this week. If you wanna see a certain deathmatch,
then e-mail me and ask! Anyway where was I? Oh yeah. GOOOOOONG!
Elzar has been training with his spice weasel for this match for weeks, you
can see the pre-match interview with them both in Weasel Weekly. Morbo of
course, has not been practicing karaoke, as is evident from his first
attack. A senseless slaughter of Celine Dione's Titanic theme. Ohh wait,
that song was never good in the first place. With the mix of two evils
attacking his ears (Morbo's voice and Dione's travesty) Elzar can't bear it, and neither can his spice weasel, whose head is currently pounding.
But, what Morbo never thought of is that he'd have to take a deep breath at
some point. This is Elzar's chance, with a quick 'BLAM' from him, the spice weasel
has left its calling card on Morbo, namely spice, and Morbo is coughing and wheezing
in a cloud of weasel spice. Obviously it would make no sense to just give him
more spice, so Elzar wisely uses his weasel as a deadly weapon. Swinging it around
like a nun-chuck, he whacks Morbo in the eye and continues spinning. Perhaps the
weasel doesn't like the spinning as he vomits all over Morbo, who starts to shout
with rage. But, he does so into the karaoke mic, screaming so loud, that the poor
weasel's head explodes, splattering brains onto the wall, next to the brains of
other contestants; a brain collage if you will.
Elzar is left defenceless now, and he backs towards to edge of the arena. 'I
was sure I ordered the Robot Mafia to come here.'
Morbo snatches Elzar's headless spice weasel, and dips his plugged in karaoke
mic into its neck. The blood doesn't mix well with electricity, and the mic starts
to go haywire. Morbo thrusts the mic down Elzar's throat. After a minute or so
of electric shocks, Elzar's charred body lays crumpled on the ground, left to
the scavenging mouths of the decapo 10 residents. To his credit, however, it's
currently getting good reviews.
The emperor comes down from his podium, mumbling something about sending more
votes to Max Hodges and on the voting form , but I can't quite
hear him properly. He gives the medal for Claw Plaque winner and trophy for biggest
head to Morbo and then gets his piece of Elzar, before it gets dry and stringy.
'Morbo beat puny chef!'
NEXT WEEK: Nibbler vs. (Intelligent) Guenther
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