Match 17: Gort Vs Max Vs Scotty
Marc, from CGEF and PEEL, gives
Gort, Max and Scotty a lesson in webmastering!
NO WEAPONS OF CHOICE THIS WEEK. ON WITH THE MATCH!
There's no emperor, no gong, no sandy arena on Decapo 10. Today, we join our
fighters, each in their atlaspheres (like hamster balls, but with a cooler name)
on a platform suspended above a huge sea of lava. The lava has lava sharks in
it, and the lava sharks have nasty germs and bacteria on them!
Since there are no Futurama characters present today, the start of the
match is signified by Scotty's parents playing the bagpipes. Along with Sofie
the artist and, err... my cockney mother; they have come along to watch the match.
ROOOOOUUUUUNNNNNNNDDDD OOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNEEE (Round one):
Our contestants are still getting used to their spheres. Gort is busy drawing
pictures of Leela on the walls to make himself feel at home (nudie ones, too),
Scotty is practicing his indecipherable strong Scottish accent ('Och! Me wee shhoz
eeerr too taaaaaaayt' he comments) and Max is doing no work at all.
But they can't sit around providing material for my bad jokes forever, so they
all swing (or roll) into action. Suddenly, a new challenger jumps onto the arena.
It's mArc of CGEF and PEEL fame. He comes in raging with his German warpaint and
German swearwords, and is knocked off and killed immediately by Scotty [mArc received
one vote! Peculiar, as he WASN'T IN THE RUNNING, but it meant I had to include
Gort is a clever old sage. A clever old, old, old, old sage. So he formulates
a plan. 'You! The one they call "Pissface"!' he calls.
'Yeh woont ma ter coom oover thheer?' enquires Scotty.
Gort nods. 'Listen, we can easily push out this Max fellow who does no work
and is an ugly Londoner boil on our site; if we work together, that is. Do you
understand me, peasant?' He spits into his bucket, as is customary when he utters
'Se beesically yeh woont meh ter hilp yeh knork hum ooff?'
Gort looks puzzled. 'What is this strange dialect you babble? Just help me
knock Max off the bloody edge!'
Pissface, err, Scotty nods, and they both roll towards him menacingly (I don't
know how you can roll menacingly in a giant hamsterball but, well, they just could).
SLAM! SMASSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHH! OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! DEEATHHHH!
So with that, Max, who was too lazy to do any work so as to defend himself,
is sent flying into the lava, where he burns painfully, next to the charred body
of mArc, the non-entrant who turned up anyway.
Max got a pathetic TWO votes. They both wanted him to die in the last round,
in case you're interested.
Round 2: Gort vs. Scotty!
To Be Continued...