Character Bio

Hermes Conrad

Species: Human

Nationality: Jamaican-American

Age: Early 40's (estimated)

Everyday Clothes: Green suit, light yellow shirt, rectangular glasses

Family: Married to LaBarbara Conrad, together they have a son, Dwight Conrad. Apparently have a fat, ugly and promiscious mother. Had a grand mother who gave her grandson the advice that if you want a box tossed into the Sun, you have to do it yourself.

Occupation: Bureaucrat grade 37 in Central Bureaucracy, assigned to Planet Express Interstellar Delivery Company. Among his duties are paying bills, notifying next of kin and negotiating contracts with employees.

Personality: Hermes was born to be a bureaucrat, professionally he's anal, compulsive, corrupt and a stickler to the law. He'd rather chew himself out, than give an unauthorized day off. Off duty, he's a bit more laid back, and gladly partake in company vacations, blernsball matches and social get-togethers, as long as it doesn't violate any rule or regulation (rules help control the fun). There might also be a slight homocidal tendency to Hermes' personality, why else would he have a license to kill (piano wire)?

Pet Peeves: Zoidberg, boxes not being disposed off, Zoidberg, unnecessary expenditures, Zoidberg, Barbados Slim, Zoidberg, being told things he didn't want to know, Zoidberg

Interests: Accounting, limboing, making inventories, "special"plants, making pie-charts, calling company meetings to discuss just about everything, "All My Circuits"

Past Achievements: Hermes used to be an expert limboist, good enough to represent Earth in the 2980 olympics. His career was cut short, when a young fan shattered his spine trying to immitate Hermes. Feeling responsible, Hermes never limboed again, until the year 3000 when he saved the entire Planet express crew from dying during the Titanic's maiden voyage by limboing under a door. Improved the labor camps on Spa V to the point were one Australian slave did all the work. Sorted the entire Master-in Pile at Central Bureaucracy in 3 minutes.

Preferred way of relaxing: The traditional Jamaican way; a glass of warm milk and a good nights sleep, adding numbers together, stamping and filing,

Financial Situation: Prudently invested, without any risks.

Favorite Sayings: "Great cow of Moscow", "Great panda of Uganda" and similar animals from a rhyming geographical location. Sentences involving green snakes and sugar canes.

Exclamations of Shock: "Sweet cow of Moscow!"; "Sweet three-toed-sloth of Ice-Planet Hoth!"; "Sweet giant ant eater of Santa Anita!"; "Sweet lion of Zion!"; "Sweet lamprey of Santa Fe!"; "Sweet cow of Moscow!"; "Sweet boa of Western AND Eastern Samoa!"; "Sweet gorilla of Manilla!"; "Sweet honey bee of infinity!"; "Sweet bacteria of Liberia!"; "Sweet llamas of Bahamas!"; "Sweet guinea pig of Winnipeg!"; "Sweet three toed sloth of ice planet Hoth!"; "Sweet manatee of Galilee!"; "Holy Bob Marley's ghost!"

Often seen wearing: Speedos

Respects: Sleazy business practices, with a complete disregard for human decency. Any bureaucrat higher up in the system than himself.

Hermes is voiced by Phil LaMarr