Ask Dr. Zoidberg #4

Ask Dr. Zoidberg #4

Hello friends!

Wow! I know it's been a while since I answered anything, but I'm happy to see the large amount of electronic computer mails I've got over the last couple of months. I'm going to see how I can help you all as much as I can by answering your questions.

Jack Marshallsea writes:

Dear Dr. Zoidberg

I keep jumping off the roof of my house. But every time I do it, It hurts. Why?

I have to admit, Jack... I'm not that experienced in this field. Some more information such as "how high is your house", "what do you land on when you hit the bottom" and "what is under your house: dirt, gravel, fresh-eating larvae, etc" might help. Another idea is to try jumping off the roof on other peoples houses. Try about ten of them to make sure, and if pain persists, come back and ask me again.

Erin Evilsizer asks:

Dear Dr. Zoidberg

Why does Bender hate you? Oh and here is some food.

Food?! Where?! Hey... there isn't any food at all! That's a nasty trick to play, it is! Just for that, I'm not going to answer your question. It has nothing to do with me not knowing the answer either... because I do. Seriously. I'd prove it, but that would give it away, so... nuts to you, human!

Your Email ID Has Won US$1M\\ says:

Dear Sir/Madam

This is to notify you that your email address has won a total sum of US$1,000,000.00 in the Select Lottery Promotion email award with Ticket No: GFT34HG,Draw No:64/H/35,Reference No: NGM/LDN/446 ,Serial NO: 9453-55,

Contact Mr Andrea Henrik on the details below for the processing of your award.Include your full names,telephone and fax numbers.

Officer in Charge: Mr Andrea Henrik
Tel/Fax: +31-84-717-9957
E-mail: regionalfinsec@aim.com
Regional Finance Nv

Yours Sincerely,

Mrs.Maris Van Eld.

Hooray! I've won, I have! Think of all the shrimp and caviar I can eat with all that money!

Wait... I just posted all the info on the Interweb before calling him! Somebody else could get to it first!

Attention, all readers! Do NOT contact the above person! That money is mine, I tell you!

Ramseygallup questions:

Dear Dr. Zoidberg

Do You Think Leela And Fry Will Have Sex?

Yes. But then they'll both die after passing on their genetic material, and it would be such a waste!

Danny Milzman questions:

Dear Dr. Zoidberg

How are Uncle Harold and your brother Norm doing? And also, how is the Robit?

Uncle Zoid is doing okay, last I checked. He's currently filming a sequel to his most recent movie. It's called "The Magnificent Four" I believe. He said many said it was a bad idea, but he thought if "Oceans 38" could make it big, perhaps he could too. Of course, he doesn't have the heads of George Clooney and Julia Roberts to help him. He *does* have Matt Damon's head, but most people tend to think that's going to do him more harm than good. Could be good news for me though, since if the movie flops he promised me Matt Damon's head, since apparently nobody else wants it. I don't really either, except that a feast is a feast.

Norm unfortunately passed away last year, due to choosing to attend my planet's mating season. The good news though is that I'll be an uncle soon because of this. In a couple of years I'm planning on visiting the soon-to-be nephews and nieces. I wouldn't normally, except that a feast is a feast.

I'm not sure how the Robit is, since I haven't been to Ethiopia for a while now. Maybe next year.

Erin Evilsizer asks:

Dear Dr. Zoidberg

Why does Bender hate you? Oh And I'm Your Biggest Fan.

Oh, I see... first you pretend there's food, but then when there isn't I starve and you think you can come back and butter me up with compliments. Well it won't work, sonny! No answer for you!

RBroo9 queries:

Dear Dr. Zoidberg

Is there a cure for cancer in the year 3000?


Anyssa Raphalea Sherandoah Roworth ponders:

Dear Dr. Zoidberg

So how old are u.

I'm not sure how old u are, or what age they can get to. I know that Q are practically gods, but that's another matter.

Benty2006 sez:

Dear Dr. Zoidberg

I would like to know, how old are you?

Ah, another age question. This one is about me though. I would think it was obvious... I am exactly as old as the year I was born plus the amount of years that have passed up until now.

Cory Glazer puts forth:

Dear Dr. Zoidberg

My name is Cory Glazer and I am one of your biggest fans, I've always wanted to know, why did you decide to become a doctor?

It was a calling. I seemed to have a natural talent for it, I did. Besides, I failed at my lifelong dream at being a comedian, and when I heard that laughter was the best medicine, being a doctor seemed like the most logical next step.

James OConnor enquires:

Dear Dr. Zoidberg

When is Bender's Big Score coming out in the UK? Also what is in Dr. Flim Flam's miracle cream?

I believe the DVD you enquire about will be out in April of your year 2008. Also, if I told you what was in Dr. Flim Flam's miracle cream, it wouldn't be a miracle any more.

guitargal2617 raises the following:

Hay Z-Dawg!

I was wondering, since you love food so much. what is your favorite food in the whole universe?

It used to be anchovies, but they're extinct now, so my current favourite food is sardines with extra salt and fish oil. They're the next best thing, they are. Seafood pizzas are also high on my list.

Cheese Grinder has sent:

Dear Dr. Zoidberg

i hate veggies help plz help sap lol

That's nice to know. I'll help sap as much as I can, since without it our trees wouldn't work quite so well. I'd like to help plz, but I'm not sure quite what that is.

That about does it for now. Thanks again, and hope to hear from more of you soon, why not.

Until then.

- Dr. John Zoidberg, M.D.